i bleed it out...
I guess you could say I'm worried. When he calls and says he might not be able to come down this weekend, I get a little nervous. And yes, he texts me, but when I text him out of the blue and he never texts me back, I get worried. I call and then a few minutes later he calls me back, I use to do that shit when I was hiding something from my mom and needed to find a quiet place before I could talk to her. I knew how this shit works, I did it for a year. It just worries me that he will talk to me for a minute and then say that he has to get back to work. I don't know, I guess you could say I worry too much. I have been fucked over before and I guess its just the nerves coming out in me that I am not able to handle it. Maybe I don't trust him as much as I should, but I'm trying, and that's the part that matters. I am trying extremely fucking hard. He's never cheated on a girl before, and he says that he loves me so much, I'm just waiting to find out if it really is true or not. I want more than anything to be with him forever, but the problem is I need to know he is committed too. I cannot deal with all of it. Especially since at the same time my mom is leaving my dad by Friday evening. I cannot deal with it. There is just too much going on right now for me to have him doing something wrong to me. I hurt so much. I'm going to take my depression medicine tonight just so I might be able to function tomorrow morning. I want to be whole again and I am so happy with Chris, but when I'm not with him I hurt so much. I cannot function sometimes because there is so much stressing me out that I don't want to think about anything. The last thing I want is for something really bad to happen to anyone and thank god nothing has yet, but frankly, I'm not holding my breathe. I have this awful feeling I will not have a father come Monday morning and I will need someone there to hold me while I go through that. And I'm just praying to God Chris will be around.