Note for carla at the end
for anyone who cares for anyone who wonders, for anyone who knows who I am
Life has been pretty busy lately, don't ask me with what it just has. How do I figure? well it feels busy, I look and I can't remember the last month, at all, where did it go? It's funny how life simply keeps on going, regardless of if you are a part of it or not. That weird feeling that I don't have a life of my own is back. If feel as If I'm Carla's pet, Gabe's Plan-Z, Alex's safety net, Ricki's... just Ricki's. As I said to Fer the other day more saying it to myself than to him "It's sad, you don't even have a life, you just have an existence" As you might have noticed this is not a depressed entry, not is a happy one, it's just a simple representation on what goes on in that little strange, oddly illuminated place I call my mind. It is not organized, it has no purpose, it has no beauty, yet it is not ugly, it just is, very much like the rest of me. I have realized people does not knows how I look. They just... how can I explain it, they just assume I look a certain way, and sometimes I do stuff that do not fit what they see and they mention it, more often than not with a "what's the matter?" Well the matter, my friend, is that you simply do not know me. You see what I do is that I go around all the people that seems interesting, intelligent, unique, unique in the sense that they are not like the others in a way that is so obvious that no philosophical bullshit can diminish, and I copy, I add it to myself, save the file on my permanent data, some call this learning, growing, but in reality what i do in nothing more than a simple imitation. And then, then I do more. I take what I copied and I expand it, I research it, I become wiser than the original, therefore making the original an outdated version, therefore making me better. For the most part that last phase of my personality hasn't been fulfilled, I'm rather in the reasearch stage, for anyone who cares to look in my room I have extensive research on everything I ever talk about, unlike many I do not learn from expirience. I take other's lives and I create expiriences. I don't lie, I'm above lies, I do not embelish the truth I just (using one of my teachers techniques of writing) take my life and adapt it to the text, well my dear that's what Cae is al about, mere interpretation. I migth use the same example in hundreds of conversations on an extensive variety of subject, in all of them such example seems valid, in none of them it is. oh wow I just spaced out for 5 minutes, and i completely forgot my point, so I eave you with that. Now it comes to my mind how funny all that i just said is, not because it is comicalin any sense but because i have spent almost a decade and a half keeping it secret, every now and then I woudl let some of it out but just enough to seem human. I am tired, its late, i'm going to bed, do not believe this is just bullshit, its just well... me. Confused? drop a line or two and I might be able to get it
btw.. Carla I redrw Camila, you must see her
Life has been pretty busy lately, don't ask me with what it just has. How do I figure? well it feels busy, I look and I can't remember the last month, at all, where did it go? It's funny how life simply keeps on going, regardless of if you are a part of it or not. That weird feeling that I don't have a life of my own is back. If feel as If I'm Carla's pet, Gabe's Plan-Z, Alex's safety net, Ricki's... just Ricki's. As I said to Fer the other day more saying it to myself than to him "It's sad, you don't even have a life, you just have an existence" As you might have noticed this is not a depressed entry, not is a happy one, it's just a simple representation on what goes on in that little strange, oddly illuminated place I call my mind. It is not organized, it has no purpose, it has no beauty, yet it is not ugly, it just is, very much like the rest of me. I have realized people does not knows how I look. They just... how can I explain it, they just assume I look a certain way, and sometimes I do stuff that do not fit what they see and they mention it, more often than not with a "what's the matter?" Well the matter, my friend, is that you simply do not know me. You see what I do is that I go around all the people that seems interesting, intelligent, unique, unique in the sense that they are not like the others in a way that is so obvious that no philosophical bullshit can diminish, and I copy, I add it to myself, save the file on my permanent data, some call this learning, growing, but in reality what i do in nothing more than a simple imitation. And then, then I do more. I take what I copied and I expand it, I research it, I become wiser than the original, therefore making the original an outdated version, therefore making me better. For the most part that last phase of my personality hasn't been fulfilled, I'm rather in the reasearch stage, for anyone who cares to look in my room I have extensive research on everything I ever talk about, unlike many I do not learn from expirience. I take other's lives and I create expiriences. I don't lie, I'm above lies, I do not embelish the truth I just (using one of my teachers techniques of writing) take my life and adapt it to the text, well my dear that's what Cae is al about, mere interpretation. I migth use the same example in hundreds of conversations on an extensive variety of subject, in all of them such example seems valid, in none of them it is. oh wow I just spaced out for 5 minutes, and i completely forgot my point, so I eave you with that. Now it comes to my mind how funny all that i just said is, not because it is comicalin any sense but because i have spent almost a decade and a half keeping it secret, every now and then I woudl let some of it out but just enough to seem human. I am tired, its late, i'm going to bed, do not believe this is just bullshit, its just well... me. Confused? drop a line or two and I might be able to get it
btw.. Carla I redrw Camila, you must see her