Personal Legends
I was reading The Alchemist last night. I bought my copy a few days ago. Of course, I didn't think my book collection would be complete without it. I have to have one. Anyway, the old man told Santiago that everyone knew about their Personal Legends when they were little. But when they grow older, they forget it or they give up. They start to believe the world's greatest lie.
Somehow I started to agree with what the old king was saying. We were born to live out our destinies. It's our sole purpose on earth. We're given free choice but we have to do it.
When I was younger, I knew I wanted to become a writer. There's a very distinct memory. I was waiting for my mother to come home from wherever she went. I was so bored; I decided to make a book. I folded papers in half, pasted them together and made a makeshift book. There wasn't a real story in mind. I drew a picture and wrote a short paragraph to accompany it. Pride had flooded my whole being. I showed it to Mama when she came home. I was so happy. I thought that it was what I really, really wanted to do.
I didn't write stories until I was in grade six. It wasn't something that I really planned on doing. I was bored in school so I bought some paper to write on. There were cartoons and movies about unicorns and stuff. I don't exactly know what inspired me but I know what I wrote. I don't have any copies of it anymore because I think my mother threw it all out. My first real story was about a family of unicorns who lived in a magical island. There was a princess unicorn who ran away but she was brought home by her father, the king. It all ended rather happily. I remember that I wrote s much that it extended through six papers. I didn't care that I wasn't paying any attention in class. I recall feeling so happy and so good. It was akin to being alive.
Then I forgot.
I brushed against writing again when I was in first year high school. It was the time of the Internet. I was so addicted to anime and fanfiction. I read so many bad stories about fandoms that I wanted my own versions. My best friend, Aki, was also into writing. She wrote mostly fanfiction. I thought that if she could do it then so could I. Of course, my first story was not very good. But it got better and better when I continued to write. Aki started drawing and I continued on with my literary aspirations.
Ah, writing. How happy was I when I did it? I was so happy because I wrote when I was down, happy or inspired. Putting pen to paper was my source of private joy. I took to writing like fish to water. I knew that I was better than others. It's a talent that no one can deny. I was finally good at something. Writing comforted me. I needed it when I was in high school because those were troubled times. Angst was a very good well of inspiration. It was my foundation. Anyway, writing gave me the identity that I sorely needed.
I met people who thought I was weird and crazy because I liked to write. They told me that they didn't like to read or they didn't want to write. That's all right. This was my Personal Legend and I accepted it. I wanted to study Creative Writing to further my knowledge. I wanted to become a better writer. But because of circumstances, I studied BA Mass Communications instead.
I don't know if I turned my back on my Personal Legend or not. There are so many careers out there. I was exposed to so many choices. (Choices and change were part of my nature like air and water.) I wanted to become so many things... I wanted to try them all.
But what I really wanted to do for the rest of my life was to write. I can imagine myself in a small cottage by the beach... I wrote when the sun and moon rose. I lived to write and be happy. When I remember that image, I feel happiness. I feel contentment. I feel fulfilled. I wonder if that was what the wise old king meant...
Words can never really describe what I felt when I wrote. When I sat down with an idea in mind, I start to type away. I float right into the world of my characters. I gave them life by parting with mine. I was filled with so much happiness because my spirit was set free. Most of the time, I want to write a story in one sitting. Painters called it alla prima. I believed that by doing that I was not limiting myself. I can usually tell how good a story was at the rate I went. If it took too long, it's not good enough. If I finished it within two or three hours then it must be good. I do alla prima to set my soul free.
Writing for a living meant living a hard life. It usually doesn't pay well. It's almost always under-appreciated. Writers either find glory or oblivion. Besides, there's also the fact that there were so many of us. So many great writers with so much talent. My talent was not mine alone. God gave it to other people too. That made competition harder.
Maybe I was also attracted to immortality and fame. Same like the rest of the human race. If I got published, my name lived forever. If it was recognized, my name would be on everyone's lips and it won't be forgotten. I would be famous. (Like J.K Rowling? Like Stephen King? Like Jessica Zafra?) It was a tempting thought.
But really, I loved writing for writing's sake. Like living for art for art's sake. Not for fame or immortality or even defiance of the norm.
I know that this was my Personal Legend. This was what I was born for. It's my air and water. It's what fueled my zest for life. Without writing, I would die. Take away my pens, papers and computer and you condemn me to my worst punishment. I was born to be a writer.
It's my greatest thanks to the wise old king who opened my eyes. I have the rest of my life to continue writing. I don't need fame and immortality (though that would be great). I only need to become a writer in the truest sense.