Review: Twilight, The Love Story That Bites
Twilight.
Who has not heard of it? If you haven't, may I ask, have you been sleeping in a coffin?
Written by Stephanie Meyer, it has swept up the ranks of bestsellers to claim its rightful place in literary history. With the end of the saga and loss of the Harry Potter fever, people have searched to fill the empty void. They have chosen their newest It Book that contains magic, love and hysterical hormones by jumping from wizards to-wait for it- vampires.
Do you remember now? Oh, right, I'm sure you had. What was the last thing everyone could ever think and talk about? Everyone was crazy about Edward Cullen. (Wait, was that your classmate who staked a claim on him? Or was it your random schoolmate who suddenly changed her Friendster profile to express a legitimate relationship with a fictional character?) But I for one cannot imagine why an icy-cold undead guy is the newest hot thing to fantasize about. (Girls from all over kept expostulating his finer qualities- good looks, musical talents, heartbreaking prose *coughcornydialoguecough* and relentless devotion. I forgot to remind them that a) he can lose cotrol of the urge to suck your blood, b) has stalker tendencies meaning he will invade your privacy and bedroom frequently and c) he's so damn perfect that your self-esteem will be reduced to shreds after the second date.)
The Twilight series is actually a love story. Got that? A love story between immortal vampire Edward Cullen and mortal human Isabella "Bella" Swan. It's a love story that you've probably read/watched/listened to before except that it's got a supernatural twist. But what's so special about them? They have an almost animal attraction between them that they cannot deny. Their relationship is forbidden which adds to its appeal. What can they do to stop themselves from hurtling directly into danger? Oh, how can Bella resist the temptation of succumbing to Edward's hypnotic charm? Or how can Edward hold back from sinking his teeth into this delectable human with her inexplicable frangrance?
Ho-hum, been there done that. What's new, Ms. Meyer? To provide a good review of the movie and book, I read the genesis of it all. After a few pages, I started snoring. Reading as many books as I have will probably clue you in to the fact that I've cultivated good taste on literary reading. Now will you believe me when I say that Twilight is not worth it? (Yes, put that three hundred plus bucks back in your pocket and just ask your fanatical friend to lend it to you. Read it then think if it's a worthy purchase.)
Let's start with the book before skwering the movie which needs a review of itself. The book is average, to say the least. The writing style and word choice didn't even appeal to me. It was choppy and disjointed without any sense of flow. (I'm no expert but I can say that I really got irritated. It seemed to me that the writer was trying too hard.) Maybe it was meant to look like it was written by a teenager who was going through the darkest hours of desperation. Who knows. The plot was hollow and unconvincing- look at the plot twist! Didn't that look... forced? Reading the story bored me. I kept repressing my yawns all throughout the whole bloody thing. It's not exciting enough to claim the genre of thriller romances.
It's all about adolescent angst and meant for teens with obsessive infatuations with their idealized versions of their crushes. Yes, let's admit that. But Twilight failed to deliver the much needed justification that it deserves to be taken seriously for itself. The love story between a mortal and a vampire is bland and boring. The witty banter that they were trying to do fails most of the time.
And the characters! Understand that Bella is a good girl who's going through lots of angst and awkwardness; she's also trying hard not to dive too deep into her attraction to Edward. But she's got no personality and she's not even special enough. (Oh come on, who wants to read about a character so normal, average and... useless? What's with the author?) I've been told that it's because she needs to be relatable. Uh, right. She's so normal she makes me want to bash her head with a wrench. Edward Cullen is also far from the ideal boyfriend. His mood swings are irritating, his perfection is boring and his protectiveness borders on suffocating. He's also too perfect for my tastes- if you want to argue that he's imperfect because he's worrying about his mortal love, don't. His emotional depth is too shallow; his personality is too flat. If he was so hot when he was angsty then he should've been marketed as the emo-vamp instead.
Before you try to assemble an angry mob, think about it first. What is it that really makes it the best of all books (at least for now)?
An intelligent friend of mine had ventured her opinion that the only reason it skyrocketed to fame was because of its good timing. She theorizes further that it jumped at the chance to take the place of our beloved boy-man-whatever wizard. If people weren't suffering from withdrawal symptoms then it wouldn't have been noticed. I might agree but what do I know? I'm not smitten with Edward Cullen or Twilight for the matter. I'm not that crazy to trade my all-time favorite wizard for a fling with a vampire.
So pinch yourself and rethink your decision of giving yourself up to a creature of the night... or the Net. It's not worth it. Because a true flesh-and-blood guy can beat Edward Cullen's rear any day. (And think about it. Would you want to go out with someone who literally shines more than you?!)
All in all, you can say that Twilight is a love story that bites... with fake fangs.