Rough Week
It's been a tough week for Ben, his family, and me. Exactly one week ago today we lost an amazing member of our family. His aunt, who had been battling cancer for several months, lost that fight.
The previous day (Friday, March 5), we were informed that his aunt was being transported to a hospice care center. Of course, given that hospice care means you have less than 6 months, I figured (others did too, as I later found out) that she had at least a few weeks with us. What I didn't know, until a few hours later, was that she had gone into kidney failure that same day and would be lucky to have a few hours of life remaining. Because of that new development, we rushed down to the center to see her. We let her know that we loved her and always would.
It was so hard because she wasn't herself. She looked horrible and the physician's assistant let the family know that there were already end of life signs setting in. I didn't want to leave that night, but we left with two of her daughters still in the room (thankfully). Little did I know that this was the last time Ben or I would see her alive.
Last Saturday we got the news that she had passed away at around 3am. She had just turned 54.
I spent that Saturday with Ben and family reminiscing and talking about the arrangements being made. That was a tough day. Sunday I went with Ben's dad to represent Ben at a luncheon the family held. For the first time it really began sinking in for me, especially after seeing our cousin Chelsea. I was glad she came out and that I could be there for her.
Tuesday I went to the visitation and spent much of my time with the two youngest girls (20 and 12 years old). As I went up to view her laid out, I knew it wasn't really her in the casket (her youngest daughter said the same thing). For one, she wouldn't have laid around...it just wasn't in her personality. For another, she wasn't the type of person who liked to be the center of attention. Far from it, actually. But, as Ben's sister pointed out, she "threw her last get-together".
The funeral was really hard too. The minister asked people to come up and speak about her, if they wished. Somehow I got the gumption to do just that. I had Ben come up with me (in case I started to faint!) and managed to talk about how she had immediately made me feel like family from the first time I met her over 6 years ago at Christmas 2003. I spoke of being just a bit younger then than Chels is now and how Aunt Debi took an interest in me right away and was SO welcoming. I talked about how she was always so accepting of everyone and treated people like family when others might have still considered them strangers. I ended my time up there by saying that "if more people would emulate Debi, the world would be a much better place" or something like that. I felt really bad afterward because I had been sobbing throughout my talk and wasn't sure if people would understand the message I was trying to get across. I shouldn't have worried. Aunt Debi's oldest daughter, Andrea, came up to me after the service and told me how nice my speech was. (Given that I wasn't very close to Andrea and don't get much of a chance to talk to her, this meant a lot to me.) Even Chelsea's friend said I did a good job...so I must have been understandable to some people, at least. In any case, I think Debi understood what I was trying to say and that was the most important thing. They had a nice dinner afterward and I spent time with Anna and Chelsea much of the time because it seemed like they needed the distraction of talking about "fun" stuff.
It was wonderful to see how many people came out to support the family. The procession from the service to the burial was probably 25 cars long, if not more. It was such a tribute to an amazing lady! :)
We spent time with family yesterday, too. We went out for dinner and just talked, reminiscing about Aunt Debi and all she's done for SO many people. It was really cathartic and I think it was a good thing for us all.
Now today I am just chilling with my kittens and trying to get things done that had been put on hold because of all the events of the last week. I just wanted to note the events and also note how important it is for people to let their friends and loved ones know they appreciate them. :)
The previous day (Friday, March 5), we were informed that his aunt was being transported to a hospice care center. Of course, given that hospice care means you have less than 6 months, I figured (others did too, as I later found out) that she had at least a few weeks with us. What I didn't know, until a few hours later, was that she had gone into kidney failure that same day and would be lucky to have a few hours of life remaining. Because of that new development, we rushed down to the center to see her. We let her know that we loved her and always would.
It was so hard because she wasn't herself. She looked horrible and the physician's assistant let the family know that there were already end of life signs setting in. I didn't want to leave that night, but we left with two of her daughters still in the room (thankfully). Little did I know that this was the last time Ben or I would see her alive.
Last Saturday we got the news that she had passed away at around 3am. She had just turned 54.
I spent that Saturday with Ben and family reminiscing and talking about the arrangements being made. That was a tough day. Sunday I went with Ben's dad to represent Ben at a luncheon the family held. For the first time it really began sinking in for me, especially after seeing our cousin Chelsea. I was glad she came out and that I could be there for her.
Tuesday I went to the visitation and spent much of my time with the two youngest girls (20 and 12 years old). As I went up to view her laid out, I knew it wasn't really her in the casket (her youngest daughter said the same thing). For one, she wouldn't have laid around...it just wasn't in her personality. For another, she wasn't the type of person who liked to be the center of attention. Far from it, actually. But, as Ben's sister pointed out, she "threw her last get-together".
The funeral was really hard too. The minister asked people to come up and speak about her, if they wished. Somehow I got the gumption to do just that. I had Ben come up with me (in case I started to faint!) and managed to talk about how she had immediately made me feel like family from the first time I met her over 6 years ago at Christmas 2003. I spoke of being just a bit younger then than Chels is now and how Aunt Debi took an interest in me right away and was SO welcoming. I talked about how she was always so accepting of everyone and treated people like family when others might have still considered them strangers. I ended my time up there by saying that "if more people would emulate Debi, the world would be a much better place" or something like that. I felt really bad afterward because I had been sobbing throughout my talk and wasn't sure if people would understand the message I was trying to get across. I shouldn't have worried. Aunt Debi's oldest daughter, Andrea, came up to me after the service and told me how nice my speech was. (Given that I wasn't very close to Andrea and don't get much of a chance to talk to her, this meant a lot to me.) Even Chelsea's friend said I did a good job...so I must have been understandable to some people, at least. In any case, I think Debi understood what I was trying to say and that was the most important thing. They had a nice dinner afterward and I spent time with Anna and Chelsea much of the time because it seemed like they needed the distraction of talking about "fun" stuff.
It was wonderful to see how many people came out to support the family. The procession from the service to the burial was probably 25 cars long, if not more. It was such a tribute to an amazing lady! :)
We spent time with family yesterday, too. We went out for dinner and just talked, reminiscing about Aunt Debi and all she's done for SO many people. It was really cathartic and I think it was a good thing for us all.
Now today I am just chilling with my kittens and trying to get things done that had been put on hold because of all the events of the last week. I just wanted to note the events and also note how important it is for people to let their friends and loved ones know they appreciate them. :)