Prayers and Dreams (2/2)
Don’t Ever Change Masterpost
Castiel returned to Heaven and Dean’s frantic prayers ceased. But now that Dean knew he was being listened to he began a new type of communication. The first small prayer from Dean came the very next morning and instead of piercing pain, Cas found himself deeply soothed. The war in Heaven raged on around him, but the angel actually felt a small amount of happiness. These little bits of joy came every few days, giving Castiel a comfort he never expected in the middle of a war.
-
Feel free to crash my dreams any time, Cas. I know you’re busy, but that was the best night of sleep I’ve had in years. I love you, Cas. Stay safe.
-
Several weeks into the war Castiel heard his name spoken through the prayer channels again. The signal was weak, but Castiel could tell the voice belonged to Sam. The voice sounded like the younger Winchester, anyway, but the attitude behind the voice seemed different somehow.
-
Castiel? You there? I’m back I guess and I’d love to know what’s going on. I’ve left you several messages and texts and I don’t know why you’re not answering. If you know anything, please fill me in because I’m kind of at a loss here.
-
Cas wanted to point out to the hunter that his cell phone didn’t receive a signal in Heaven, but he was far too concerned with the fact that Sam was alive to linger on the thought too long. He hadn’t felt any souls return to earth since Adam’s resurrection. After questioning some of his Lieutenants he realized he wasn’t the only one who hadn’t felt it.
With no information to offer, Castiel didn’t reach out to Sam. It was only with the consent of his Lieutenants that he was even listening to the prayers at all. He was concerned about his mysterious resurrection, but he couldn’t afford the interruption from his duties. His Lieutenants understood the time away to help Dean since it had a very real affect on their General, but their wasn’t the same urgency for the younger Winchester.
Sam hadn’t tried to pray again. Maybe he assumed that the angel was still dead, or maybe he’d finally lost his faith. Of the two brothers, Sam was always the more religious one. Before either of them had met an angel Sam prayed at least a couple of times a week. His prayers only stopped when he realized they were broadcasting his location to every angel connected to Heaven, including Raphael and Zachariah.
Dean’s prayers continued to come, but the communication remained a one-way street. As long as his charge seemed to be in relatively good spirits, he didn’t see a reason for that to change. He missed him, sure, but they were both benefiting from the prayer without getting distracted from their obligations.
His only doubt about their situation was keeping Sam’s resurrection to himself. He could tell from Dean’s prayers that he was unaware of his brother’s presence on Earth. He knew that if Dean found out that he’d known about it and hadn’t told him, their connection could be irreparably damaged. He was forced to push his regrets aside.
-
I tried that meditation thing you recommended. Didn’t think it’d really be my thing, but it actually helped. We’ll keep that between you and me though. Thanks. Stay safe.
-
Dean’s prayers slowed from every other day to only a couple of times a week. Castiel took it as a sign that he was settling into the ‘Apple Pie’ life he’d been trying to adjust to. For months Dean’s prayers came at this pace, until suddenly the prayers stopped.
They were gone for several weeks until a sarcastic, but panicked prayer broke the silence. He was upset, but in the typical Dean Winchester fashion, he hid his emotions behind sharp words. Castiel could feel the emotions beyond his words though, and listened intently.
-
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here... we’ve got ourselves a plague-like situation down here… do you copy?
-
The prayer was heard clearly by all the angels around Castiel. As soon as they realized what was at risk they approved of their General’s temporary absence from Heaven. He followed the prayer down to Earth and for the first time in over a year Castiel materialized in his vessel. And for the first time in over a year he made eye contact with his hunter and all of those human desires and needs came flooding back to him.
Then he noticed Sam. “He’s right behind me isn’t he?” Sam turned to look at him.
“Hello.”
Interacting with humans was never his strong suit and with no time to readjust to his vessel he found it even more difficult than usual. He stumbled through his first verbal conversation in months and he suddenly realized just how out of touch with humanity he had become. He wished his reunion with Dean had been under better circumstances, but he had to deal with the situation at hand.
They managed to track down the Staff of Moses and contain one, as Dean called it, ‘loose nuke,’ but now that the war was officially on Earth he knew he’d be spending more time there. While the prospect of seeing more of Dean brought him a small amount of joy, the knowledge that he’d failed to keep Earth safe from it all was a pretty big blow to his confidence.
After all was said and done, Castiel returned to Heaven. Within minutes he felt Dean pray to him. Unfortunately, it was another angry tirade and Cas found himself once again incapacitated by the wave of emotions.
-
Castiel, you son of a bitch. We need to talk. Get your feathery ass back down here! If you can’t wing your way here, you better pop into my dreams tonight you asshole!
-
This wasn’t an emergency, but he knew Dean was stubborn and would keep praying in such a manner if he didn’t respond. Castiel’s Lieutenants once again agreed to let him walk into Dean’s dreams again to resolve the matter. He hated leaving his duties, but he was grateful for the chance to set things right with Dean.
-
Dean was dreaming about fixing the Impala. He was wheeled under the car when Castiel stepped into the dream. He leaned against the Impala next to the hunter’s legs. “Dean?”
He wheeled out from under the vehicle. “Cas? What are you doing here?”
“You requested my presence here tonight.”
“What?”
“You said that if I couldn’t come back in person I should visit you in your dreams.”
“Oh.” Dean slowly realized that he was asleep and he struggled to remember what he wanted to say when he was awake. He stood up. “What the fuck Cas? Why didn’t you pop into my dreams and tell me Sam was alive? You knew? And you didn’t say anything to me?”
“Dean-“
“No seriously, why couldn’t you just take five minutes to let me know my brother was back from the dead! That’s kind of important!”
“I’m at war Dean!” His eyes flared with anger and he inched closer to the human. “I don’t have five minutes!”
Castiel’s fierce expression made Dean recoil slightly. He forgot how scary the angel could be when he was angry or frustrated. He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of that fury being used to its maximum potential. The last time he got his ass kicked Cas had been weakened since he was disconnected from Heaven and even then he was sure the angel was holding back.
This time he spoke calmly, not wanting to anger him further. “How are you here now then?”
“When you decide to drunkenly rant at me I’m incapable of ignoring you. It’s dangerous for me, Dean. You’ll get me killed if you continue.”
“What the hell, seriously? I had no idea Cas. You’ve got to tell me these things!”
“I’m telling you now!”
An uncomfortable silence passed between them. Dean averted his eyes, unable to take the power of Castiel’s intimidating stare. The angel relaxed, realizing he had let his anger get away from him. He never wanted Dean to be afraid of him. He wanted Dean to seek comfort in him. He knew withholding secrets could damage their relationship, but if Dean were ever actually scared of him there would be no relationship left to damage.
“I’m sorry. I’ve forgotten what it means to be human.”
“Don’t be so condescending Cas.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. It was intended to be a compliment. I’ve-“ he paused and sighed. He wasn’t sure why he did this, as there was no oxygen in a dream. Even if this were reality he didn’t have a need to breathe. At least it was a somewhat human response to the situation and he felt slightly better thinking about it like that. “I’ve been disconnected from the bits of humanity that I picked up from you and your brother. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until I saw you today.”
“Well, it was good to see you again outside of my own head. I was beginning to think you were just part of my dream that night. You should come around more often. It sounds like it’d be good for the both of us.”
Castiel looked distracted again. Dean recognized the look. “Angel stuff?” Cas nodded. “It’s ok. Go. Just, please, when you have a minute drop me a line. I don’t care if you only get to stay for 30 seconds, I don’t want it to be a one way thing anymore ok?”
“I can promise that I’ll try, but as I’ve said-“
“I know, you don’t even have five minutes. But if you do?”
Castiel began air quoting again. “If I have a ‘minute’ I’ll ‘drop’ you a ‘line.’”
Dean smiled at the poor guys attempt at air quotes. He cupped his angel’s face and leaned in for a kiss. At first Castiel froze, not quite remembering how this whole thing worked. But he relaxed into the kiss. Dean’s dream provided enough vivid details he could almost remember what a real one felt like.
“I love you, Cas.”
“I love you too. I look forward to kissing you outside of your dreams.”
Castiel disappeared and Dean laughed. “I’ve gotta teach you the words ‘good bye.’”