wow...could i be in a worse mood..
Well yesterday I went to the fair with adam and we hung out for a bit well actually it wasn’t a bit it was more like 10 hours. Lol but anyways it was god I guess bc we don’t get to hang out a lot but yea I think I annoyed him a couple of times bc I kept saying the same thing over and over and I mean I was fuckin horny as hell and he didn’t wanna do anything so yea… what ever he annoyed me too. And I was bitchy in general bc I was getting my period... And then like he kept saying shit that usually wouldn’t push my buttons it did and idk it was just pissing me off. And then like we got into this huge fight bc I was bitchy and it was hot and I was just uncomfortable so I get really touchy and he could have sed like a bunch of compliments and I still would have bitched him out but anywho we watched the demo and then went to see kyle cuz he called… I love that kid I really do. I hope I made his night a little bit better. Then kyle met up with his other friends and me and adam went on a couple more rides then me and him kinda got tired and he got cold. So we went up to the barn and we bought him a sweat shirt then we went down and petted a duck and chicken it was cool…adam was excited. Anyways yea then we got some food and then his dad came n picked us up… we went home and I was tired so I crashed.
But the thing that really pissed me off was that he always talks about how we s=hould have sex and like the one time I want to and we have a chance he doesn’t want to and he wont buy a condom its like he thinks that shit is my responsibility and he doesn’t understand that it’s the guys responsibility all the time and I wish someone would smack some fucking sense into him but w/e I don’t care anymore. Ive lost faith in us ever actually having sex. Damn it now im pissed off again… its like hes all talk no do. Its like he doesn’t even love me anymore… bc if he loved me he would stop talking about it and do something about it.
Together by Avril Lavigne… she sucks but the lyrics are good.
Something just isn't right
I can feel it inside
The truth isn't far behind me
You can't deny
When I turn the lights out
When I close my eyes
Reality overcomes me
I'm living a lie
When I'm alone I
Feel so much better
And when Im around you
I don't feel
[CHORUS]
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall
This has gone on so long
I realize that i need
Something good to rely on
Something for me
When I'm alone I
Feel so much better
And when Im around you
I don't feel
[CHORUS]
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall
My heart is broken
I'm lying here
My thoughts are choking on you my dear
On you my dear
On you my dear
When I'm alone I
Feel so much better
And when Im around you
I don't feel
[CHORUS X2]
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall
When I'm around you
When I'm around you
I don't feel together
I don't feel together
When I'm around you
When I'm around you
I don't feel together
I don't feel together
This song somewhat describes what im goin through emotionally. Its just like sometimes I don’t want to live anymore... And it hurts like a bitch. It burns and I cant take it anymore im sitting here like an inch away from doing something real and I havent done anything real in a long time. Ive been living in a fucking dream for the past few months and no one knows what its like to feel so out of touch with reality… and I cant talk to adam about it bc hell fuckin freak out and everything is just a mess in so many different ways so im gonna just chill I think… Im gonna just be real and do something very real… ill cya on the other side. Its been good. Bye.
~Jessie