An arguement for hope
In my deepest heart, I’m just a little girl that wants to be loved and held and cherished and live in that warm safety forever, and to be able to give back all that warm love and safety in return. I don’t know why, or what need I never got in a past life, or before I was born or before I could talk, but that has been the guiding focus of my every conscious and unconscious decision and goal in life - to get as close to that as possible. It’s why I am so quick to overlook things or play the diplomat, why I don’t kill bugs if I can help it, why I hate it when people get made fun of even in a loving teasing way, why I love all sorts of animals, and why (if I didn’t like the taste so much and was more disciplined) I would become a vegetarian. There is such a sense of alienation and aloneness in my core that I don’t think anyone should ever have to feel in any way, even little ways. And I truly believe that we don’t have to if we just try hard enough and understand hard enough and love hard enough. And if all else fails there is oneness with the universe, heaven or God, that *eventually* will fill that emptiness. I have to hope that. I have to trust that. Because if I don’t trust and believe that with all my heart, then there is nothing left, no point to anything, no reason to love, no reason to try, no reason to live and I might as well crawl in bed with my stuffed animals, give in to despair, inject myself with something lethal and never wake up…