I don't want to live like this...
I just sterted freaking out so bad. I was laying in bed. And I just ate an artichoke. I had dinner a little earlier. Spegetti and toast. I shouldn't have had as much as I did, but I've had the munchies all day today. Even though I wasn't stoned most of the time. I really do just want to be normal... Be able to eat what I want, when I want. Not be obessed with weight and calories. Some diets out there are like ana diets. Or some wierd likeness. My friend Janelle is on a diet where she has to eat 2000 calories a day, but she can only have a curtain amout of carbs, fat, and sugar. It's like a really low amount. I want to go back on a diet like that. Like the one I was on last year sometime. I couldn't have more than 4gms of fat in one serving. Only theirs is all day. And this Law & Order is really scary. Holly shit. Maybe it's just cuz I'm high... But anyway, back to what I was saying. I really want to go back on a diet like that, but my dad wont let me. He says I'm thin enough. I'm not thin enough. I'll never be thin enough. But he doesn't understand that. I do want to get better... I just don't want him to know I was ever sick. And I don't know how much longer I can live like this. The only time I'm ever mostly normal is when I'm high. This is too hard. Thinking right now. I don't want to ever think again if you want to know the truth. I'd say that I want a pill that will make you just forget everything. A pill to make you numb. But I'd like it too much. Take it all the time. And that really would not be good. Anyway, I'm going to bed. Love you guys. I miss you!! The whole both of you that read this, lol. And neither leave me notes.... >.<;;;;
Love, Kaylyn
Love, Kaylyn