So much on my mind...
I'm finally actually moving in. I was going to spend the night there tonight, but I don't have any cloathes there. We havn't gotten the room painted yet. We were suposed to today, but the guy that was going to give us a ride to the hardwear store never showed up. Hopefully he will tomorrow, or I am going to get mad at him. And I don't want to do that cuz I love him. I've known him since I've been here. Many many years. He's on crack right now I think, which really saddens me, cuz he was clean for a long time. Then his dad died. But I like it over there a lot. It's so great. And so many of my friends are a lot closer. And it's just so much calmer over there. He doesn't get drunk anymore. He smokes a lot of weed though, which is good for me, cuz then I get weed too. And Ella, sweety, don't get too mad about that, cuz it keeps me eating. I want to get thin right now weed is the only thing that is keeping me eating. I almost want to quit just so I'll stop eating, but I know that's a stupid thing to do. So it's probably not going to happen. I'm so happy that I'm moving. That I'm finally getting away from all the damn stress and screaming that is constantly going on here. And John's horrible vibes. OMFG! He has the darkest aura I have ever seen. Lisha's is a little dark too, but nothing compared to Johns'. I used to think my dad had a dark aura, but it's either changed, or it was being tainted by Johns', cuz it's not that dark anymore. It's light actually. A nice light calm blue. That's a nice color.
I watched Crazy/Beautiful tonight on tv. First time I've seen it on tv. They cut a lot out. Way too much. I didn't like it. But that doesn't really matter, cuz I'm gonna buy it anyway. As soon as my real bank card comes I'm gonna come over here and order it. And possibly the sound track too. Not sure yet, I'll have to see how much it is, and I dun wanna right now.
This summer my dad and I are going to go down to Gerneville!! I'm so happy. I havn't been there in so long. I miss everyone down there, and I havn't seen any of them in ages. Ross and Rachel, these little kids... well, actually, they're not so little anymore, but these kids that I watched being born when I lived there, are now like 12 or 13 at least. I havn't seen them since they were like 5. I can't believe it's been that long.
I have decided to try as hard as I can to stop cutting. After a few weeks ago, I am going to have more scars than anyone would ever need, so I need to stop. I don't need anymore. I'm going to try as hard as I can. Throw away all my sharp objects. Cuz I really wanna stop. They're pointless scars. Battlewounds as some people call them. I have more than anyone would want. I wish most of them would just go away. Or at least fade. I supose they will some day. But I'm sick of wearing long sleeve shirts. And this summer, and soon even now, I wont be able to. It was really nice today. I wanted to be wearing a sleeveless shirt and frolicing in the warmth. Instead I was wearing a sweatshirt. Cuz I didn't have any long sleeves clean. *sighs* It'll stop though. I want it to. For me this time, not for anyone else. That's why I think I can actually do it. Every other time it was because people wanted me to. But this time it's for me, and only me. And I know it'll happen. And hopefully I'll be a lot happier at my dad's. I think I will be...
I watched Crazy/Beautiful tonight on tv. First time I've seen it on tv. They cut a lot out. Way too much. I didn't like it. But that doesn't really matter, cuz I'm gonna buy it anyway. As soon as my real bank card comes I'm gonna come over here and order it. And possibly the sound track too. Not sure yet, I'll have to see how much it is, and I dun wanna right now.
This summer my dad and I are going to go down to Gerneville!! I'm so happy. I havn't been there in so long. I miss everyone down there, and I havn't seen any of them in ages. Ross and Rachel, these little kids... well, actually, they're not so little anymore, but these kids that I watched being born when I lived there, are now like 12 or 13 at least. I havn't seen them since they were like 5. I can't believe it's been that long.
I have decided to try as hard as I can to stop cutting. After a few weeks ago, I am going to have more scars than anyone would ever need, so I need to stop. I don't need anymore. I'm going to try as hard as I can. Throw away all my sharp objects. Cuz I really wanna stop. They're pointless scars. Battlewounds as some people call them. I have more than anyone would want. I wish most of them would just go away. Or at least fade. I supose they will some day. But I'm sick of wearing long sleeve shirts. And this summer, and soon even now, I wont be able to. It was really nice today. I wanted to be wearing a sleeveless shirt and frolicing in the warmth. Instead I was wearing a sweatshirt. Cuz I didn't have any long sleeves clean. *sighs* It'll stop though. I want it to. For me this time, not for anyone else. That's why I think I can actually do it. Every other time it was because people wanted me to. But this time it's for me, and only me. And I know it'll happen. And hopefully I'll be a lot happier at my dad's. I think I will be...