again
I'm just some girl, I tell you, trying to sound convincing. I hear the disappointment in your voice, the pain as you reject what I'm saying. You toss it back gently instead of slamming it back, an easy throw that I can catch. I try to explain, to show you what I see: if space and time are a beach, then our lifetimes are overrepresented by a single grain of sand and this relationship is lucky to be a dust mote. And, on a more personal, flawed level, I am preparing for the day you realize that I was right. I'm just some girl. Some girl with a high IQ and good comic timing, who isn't special, except in that way that we are all special (that wasn't meant to sound sardonic).
Ultimately, I'm not talking about universal significance; that's a cover and you know it. I'm talking about the way I will feel if you stop thinking that I'm special, when you figure out that in some places, smart girls are like roaches. I'm trying to prepare even though it's the last thing I should be doing. I know by now that the only way I'll get by with any dignity, when that day comes, is to believe the fairy tale. How many cliches can I embrace? To the world you're just one person, but to one person you may be the world.
I am learning to make my peace with this. Let's try a different analogy, one I can understand. If my world is Nordstrom's, you are not just running in to buy stockings and leave quickly. You're going to try on shoes, browse through accessories, get the things you need but also indulge a little, kill some time. You don't have anywhere else to be, and you take the time to learn the layout, the secrets. Nobody expects you to take up residence, but it is more than passing through. There is fondness, understanding, a story.
Ultimately, I'm not talking about universal significance; that's a cover and you know it. I'm talking about the way I will feel if you stop thinking that I'm special, when you figure out that in some places, smart girls are like roaches. I'm trying to prepare even though it's the last thing I should be doing. I know by now that the only way I'll get by with any dignity, when that day comes, is to believe the fairy tale. How many cliches can I embrace? To the world you're just one person, but to one person you may be the world.
I am learning to make my peace with this. Let's try a different analogy, one I can understand. If my world is Nordstrom's, you are not just running in to buy stockings and leave quickly. You're going to try on shoes, browse through accessories, get the things you need but also indulge a little, kill some time. You don't have anywhere else to be, and you take the time to learn the layout, the secrets. Nobody expects you to take up residence, but it is more than passing through. There is fondness, understanding, a story.