...to answer your question dear ones...
Well. I find that there is much on my mind tonight than there has been in quite some time. I fear that I will sacrifice another night of sleep for no specific reward, so I have settled for a "deep blog".
Love. You see it everyday. It constantly surrounds us. Love. A single word, four letters, and a thousand different meanings. Love. What is it? The very thing that binds one person to another? Or perhaps the acknowledgment of care... It has become America's infamous word of hope. It is the most sung about theme of all, yet remains a mystery to many. How can you sing of that which you do not know? Millions of people search for it...some find it, some lose it. Lucky ones realize they've had it all along. But...is it really a matter of having? To have... It sounds like a right of ownership, which I guess makes sense...every person deserves love, regardless of their state of being. I have found that the act of "having" is far less rewarding unless we switch the cause with the effect. What if having love is not love at all? Encouraging the idea that love, in fact is a result instead of an action, may seem insensible, but it is always the mystery of the unknown that seems to reveal a shade of character in those that believe in its existence. As many know, the equivalent TO love is giving or the act of sacrifice for something greater. What if that really is NOT the equivalent, and instead is the cause? Which leads love only to be the effect. How many of you really believe that though? Honestly? I have often mistaken love for a mere act of vulnerability; being too scared to live in a world of pain and misled truth. I spent a year convincing myself that life did make sense after all. What a fool...but, if being a fool allows a greater wisdom to be learned than sensibility, then a fool I will be. But alas. A year, and what I learned was that the greatest person I will ever have to overcome is myself. I have learned that being with any one person is more than sharing a deep secret, wasting time in conversation, or experiencing the exhilaration of the heart and mind. Even further, it is past the caring and inevitable hope of a future together. All of these things come easily. In fact, it is when these things come easily that we trick ourselves into thinking we have something great. The constant mind-bearing thought, the repeated dream of delight...it all comes so easily. But what comes next? After the magic has faded and the movie runs out of film, then what? So many people refuse to even wonder about that question. They live in the present tense so much that they are never ready for the future. Time never stops. It is a blessing as well as a burden. I have often been guilty of it. In the end, I repeatedly discover that is takes more than magic for Prince Charming to find Cinderella. So many of you ask me about my "love life", who my latest interests are, and those that have caught my eye. Maybe now will you understand that I've just discovered a door to the greatest labyrinth I'll ever be lost in-one in which I will never truly find a way out, and I am not ready to take that on...at least alone. Love is certainly more than a possession of any deep feeling. It is past the deep stares of wonder, past the aching in the silence, past the laughter and tears. How much are you willing to give? To sacrifice? I have learned that for me the greatest thing to give up is the full understanding of my being. I have learned that I like to keep people guessing because I am afraid somebody else will figure me out before I, myself, do. And you may be wondering that it is not a fear at all, since I have just bluntly overcome it by sharing it with all of you...but it is not the fact that I am never fully myself around people. It's just the opposite. I aim to be myself at all times. Though it is hard and scary, I am willing to make the risk. If I am too scared of being myself, there is no one left to be. A ghost behind a mask is worthless. It serves no purpose other than shame.
And so I put myself out there. It is the hardest thing to give, and it's only the beginning. So...to answer your question...I'm not so sure what it is I'm waiting for. All that I DO know, is that whatever happens in my life, I will not regret any part of this aspect. One day, I will be forced to face my fear...and it will be greatest day of my life for I will know that someone has invested their own life into understanding me and unraveling the very secrets that restrain me.
Love. You see it everyday. It constantly surrounds us. Love. A single word, four letters, and a thousand different meanings. Love. What is it? The very thing that binds one person to another? Or perhaps the acknowledgment of care... It has become America's infamous word of hope. It is the most sung about theme of all, yet remains a mystery to many. How can you sing of that which you do not know? Millions of people search for it...some find it, some lose it. Lucky ones realize they've had it all along. But...is it really a matter of having? To have... It sounds like a right of ownership, which I guess makes sense...every person deserves love, regardless of their state of being. I have found that the act of "having" is far less rewarding unless we switch the cause with the effect. What if having love is not love at all? Encouraging the idea that love, in fact is a result instead of an action, may seem insensible, but it is always the mystery of the unknown that seems to reveal a shade of character in those that believe in its existence. As many know, the equivalent TO love is giving or the act of sacrifice for something greater. What if that really is NOT the equivalent, and instead is the cause? Which leads love only to be the effect. How many of you really believe that though? Honestly? I have often mistaken love for a mere act of vulnerability; being too scared to live in a world of pain and misled truth. I spent a year convincing myself that life did make sense after all. What a fool...but, if being a fool allows a greater wisdom to be learned than sensibility, then a fool I will be. But alas. A year, and what I learned was that the greatest person I will ever have to overcome is myself. I have learned that being with any one person is more than sharing a deep secret, wasting time in conversation, or experiencing the exhilaration of the heart and mind. Even further, it is past the caring and inevitable hope of a future together. All of these things come easily. In fact, it is when these things come easily that we trick ourselves into thinking we have something great. The constant mind-bearing thought, the repeated dream of delight...it all comes so easily. But what comes next? After the magic has faded and the movie runs out of film, then what? So many people refuse to even wonder about that question. They live in the present tense so much that they are never ready for the future. Time never stops. It is a blessing as well as a burden. I have often been guilty of it. In the end, I repeatedly discover that is takes more than magic for Prince Charming to find Cinderella. So many of you ask me about my "love life", who my latest interests are, and those that have caught my eye. Maybe now will you understand that I've just discovered a door to the greatest labyrinth I'll ever be lost in-one in which I will never truly find a way out, and I am not ready to take that on...at least alone. Love is certainly more than a possession of any deep feeling. It is past the deep stares of wonder, past the aching in the silence, past the laughter and tears. How much are you willing to give? To sacrifice? I have learned that for me the greatest thing to give up is the full understanding of my being. I have learned that I like to keep people guessing because I am afraid somebody else will figure me out before I, myself, do. And you may be wondering that it is not a fear at all, since I have just bluntly overcome it by sharing it with all of you...but it is not the fact that I am never fully myself around people. It's just the opposite. I aim to be myself at all times. Though it is hard and scary, I am willing to make the risk. If I am too scared of being myself, there is no one left to be. A ghost behind a mask is worthless. It serves no purpose other than shame.
And so I put myself out there. It is the hardest thing to give, and it's only the beginning. So...to answer your question...I'm not so sure what it is I'm waiting for. All that I DO know, is that whatever happens in my life, I will not regret any part of this aspect. One day, I will be forced to face my fear...and it will be greatest day of my life for I will know that someone has invested their own life into understanding me and unraveling the very secrets that restrain me.