Only In Scotland
Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. (Supermarkets have a pharmacy bit? Since when?)
Only in Scotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. (To be fair, they do that all over the UK)
Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. (I've never had that... I've only ever had people growling "WHIT?" over the phone...)
Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. (Wouldn't know about that one - the only skating rink I've seen in years was either in Time Capsule or George Square... and I couldn't see a disabled parking space for the life of me)
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3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. (9V??!!)
142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. (Haha, I've done that with Jackets)
58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. (Oh come on, it's Scottish tradition!)
31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. (You don't water your Christmas tree, you just get a fake one, durrr)
19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents. (Haha! I can believe that if it's anything like my household)
18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. (Wow. How cool... *snort*)
A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth. (Haha! My ex does that. Would serve him bloody right)
5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
and finally...
In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet. (LMAO!)