.079 What a night, what a crowd...
It is a good thing I suppose that I did not stay at the ball as long as I normally would have, since Musette fell asleep quite early, based on what I've been reading. A masquerade ball is all good and fun, but...I suppose the Deities have decided to "trick" instead of "treat".
I don't know if this will make any sense to any of you, but...I've been going to the fountain more and more often, and bringing Musette with me. When I look in the water, I can see Raoul and Anthony, and see what a strong young man my son is growing into. I like showing Musette their images in the water - but can children even see any images in the water? Or is it merely their own reflection? - even if she can't see them. Really, they're her family too.
It disheartens me to see that Raoul has not found another woman in his life, and it makes me feel guilty and terrible at times. I feel like I've betrayed a man who had risked his very life to save mine and who I love very, very much. But it pains me the most to see no mother in Anthony's life. I have to admit that I would feel a little jealous if Raoul did get married again, but what can I do? I'm dead, and the rules of this place are that I must stay here. If anything, I want them to be happy, and not sad because of my absence. I hope they can find someone to fill the void.
Of course, I never tell Erik any of these things. I'm afraid that he would take it the wrong way in that I wish I were with them, which isn't true. I am happy with the family I have here, and the bond that we share is so much deeper and yet different than the one I had with Raoul. I don't want to hurt his feelings - he's a very sensitive man.
I hope that when Musette grows older, she can see her brother in the water...I'd at least like her to see what he looks like.
Insomnia is such a chore...perhaps some reading would do me some good. I hope everyone is better from the curse now?
I don't know if this will make any sense to any of you, but...I've been going to the fountain more and more often, and bringing Musette with me. When I look in the water, I can see Raoul and Anthony, and see what a strong young man my son is growing into. I like showing Musette their images in the water - but can children even see any images in the water? Or is it merely their own reflection? - even if she can't see them. Really, they're her family too.
It disheartens me to see that Raoul has not found another woman in his life, and it makes me feel guilty and terrible at times. I feel like I've betrayed a man who had risked his very life to save mine and who I love very, very much. But it pains me the most to see no mother in Anthony's life. I have to admit that I would feel a little jealous if Raoul did get married again, but what can I do? I'm dead, and the rules of this place are that I must stay here. If anything, I want them to be happy, and not sad because of my absence. I hope they can find someone to fill the void.
Of course, I never tell Erik any of these things. I'm afraid that he would take it the wrong way in that I wish I were with them, which isn't true. I am happy with the family I have here, and the bond that we share is so much deeper and yet different than the one I had with Raoul. I don't want to hurt his feelings - he's a very sensitive man.
I hope that when Musette grows older, she can see her brother in the water...I'd at least like her to see what he looks like.
Insomnia is such a chore...perhaps some reading would do me some good. I hope everyone is better from the curse now?