The SeX-Files

[big_pile_o_dust]

I dragged Harm over t'the garden, seein' as how it was the scene of the crime and all. I threw her over t'the bench before standin' next t'Cordy, arms crossed as we begn t'play our game of Scully and Mulder.

Except, with the sex

Comments

[big_pile_o_dust]

Harm sat there lookin' like she didn't have a bloody care in the world, which only served t'piss me off even more. We were here for information, and she knew somethin'... just wasn't rightly sure what yet.

"Please, you think I don't know you never listened to a word I said? Well, except when you made me pretend to be Buffy...then you paid attention didn't ya? Didn't mind that lie so much."

I rolled my eyes at her. Fine, go on 'bout me and Buffy and whatever sod all I was thinkin' at the time. Wasn't 'bout t'get me riled up, not...

Oh shit.

I looked over at Cordy and sighed, lookin' down and toein' some rock there as I cleared my throat. "Just... a thing, see. Mean nothin'. Obviously," I said wavin' my hands at Harm, "since it was her!!" I hoped she'd go for it, not get too upset 'bout the little bitch and what she was so obviously tryin' t'do.

Hell, me and Cordy? We'd just barely started. Didn't need Harm fuckin' it all up.

"We'll know if you lie, and Spike will have to torture you. Face first."
"Oh really? You mean, so that then I can look like you? That was really nice of you to let him practice and all."

"Oh, fuck the nice shit," I muttered as I brought my fist back and sent it flyin' right into Harm's face. Glarin' at her, I leaned closer and whispered, "Don't say she didn't warn you."

Yeah. See if she talks shit 'bout Sexy like that again. I'll soddin' do more than just one punch that would send her off t'her plastic surgeon. "Now, where were we... oh, riiiiiiiiiiiiight. You, 'bout t'tell us all you know of Blue and Gunn. Start. Now."

I stood up straight again, eyebrow raised, as I waited. Yeah, just try me, bitch. I fuckin' dare you.

[xxcordeliaxx]

"Please, you think I don't know you never listened to a word I said? Well, except when you made me pretend to be Buffy...then you paid attention didn't ya? Didn't mind that lie so much."

"Just... a thing, see. Mean nothin'. Obviously, since it was her!!"

God, he made her do that. Harmony isn't intelligent enough to make up a lie that embarrassing. Spike treated Harmony like a sex stand-in for Buffy. And she would have been more than willing to go along with it if he asked her nicely. That's just Harmony. She is so desperate that she'll do anything to get people to like her, no matter how degrading and wrong.

"Harmony, if I was in Spike's place, even I would have pretended you were Buffy if I thought it would get my mind off of the fact that I was sleeping with you."

Harmony wants to start trouble between us? Good for her, but it's not going to work. Spike is a different man than he was before. I'm not going to hold him accountable for the disgusting things he did while soulless.

No matter how repulsive they are.

"Oh really? You mean, so that then I can look like you? That was really nice of you to let him practice and all."

I could slap her for that. I think I will. When Wesley suggested that Spike and I interrogate Harmony, I thought that we'd verbally threaten her until she squealed. Obviously, that's not going to work with her heightened sense of stupidity. Violence is necessary.

"Oh, fuck the nice shit."

I held back a laugh when I saw the look on Harmony's face after Spike punched her. It might have taken away from Spike's big moment, so I kept it to myself. The cry Harmony gave as her head went back and her hair went flying--that was the funniest thing I'd heard all day, but I just smirked and waited for her to whine about it.

No matter how low her IQ is, Harmony should know not to mess with someone who Spike...cares about. He cares about me now.

"Now, where were we... oh, riiiiiiiiiiiiight. You, 'bout t'tell us all you know of Blue and Gunn. Start. Now."

"You might want to start talking, Harmony. That hit you just took is going to leave a nasty bruise, and Spike's just scratched the surface of the ugly things that we could do to you."

I could keep this up all day, even with her petty insults.

[dis_harmony]

"Oh, fuck the nice shit. Don't say she didn't warn you."

I didn't think it would hurt. I mean, it handn't hurt for a long, long time ya know? And Spike had done like a thousand times worse lots of other times. Like, hello, staking me? Other times ot hadn't been so bad, and even other times it had been sexy.

But this time it hurt. His fist caught my cheek, traveled up to my nose out its way back out, and then there I was, tasting my own blood.

And, let me just say --- GROSS!!!!!!!!

"Harmony, if I was in Spike's place, even I would have pretended you were Buffy if I thought it would get my mind off of the fact that I was sleeping with you."

"Whatever Cor," I muttered, not looking at her. "Just wait till he asks you to do it."

I turned my attention back to the other one.

"Newsflash Spikey," I brought my hand up to my nose to stop the bleeding. Ohhh, I was all with this grrrr, and the angry! "You signed up with the good guys and this isn't what they do." I glared at him. "Careful, they might go and kick you out of their little club."

"Now, where were we... oh, riiiiiiiiiiiiight. You, 'bout t'tell us all you know of Blue and Gunn. Start. Now."

"She killed him, I caught her, she pushed me, I told. And like that? That's that end of that story.

My nose was still bleeding. I was so gonna get him back for this one. Just wait. I would think of something. And if that didn't work? I would get someone else to think of something for me.

"You might want to start talking, Harmony. That hit you just took is going to leave a nasty bruise, and Spike's just scratched the surface of the ugly things that we could do to you."

"Whatever. I told you what I know. And it's nothing that hasn't been done before."

[big_pile_o_dust]

"Harmony, if I was in Spike's place, even I would have pretended you were Buffy if I thought it would get my mind off of the fact that I was sleeping with you."

I sniggered a bit at that, glad she wasn't all mad at me for whatever reason - ok, not whatever reason, for the bloody fact that I'd been daft enough to shag Harm in the first place. Granted, it was rebound after everything Dru put me through, but it seemed like I couldn't ever live it down now.

"Just wait till he asks you to do it."

"Right, I'm sick of all this," I sighed, grabbin' Harm's hair tight in my hands and lookin' over to Cordy. "Go grab the scissors so's we can chop it all off. Seems bruises don't exactly work on the bitch."

"Newsflash Spikey, you signed up with the good guys and this isn't what they do. Careful, they might go and kick you out of their little club."

Holdin' her hair tight in my fist still, I leaned closer t'her and whispered low, "Yeah, I'm in the fuckin' club. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm good."

Right, well, that wasn't true exactly. But Harm didn't know that. Out of the corner of my eye, I could've sworn I saw Sexy there tryin' not t'laugh 'bout all of this... which, yeah, got t'admit, threatenin' the ex-littlest-vamp on the block? Pretty damn funny.

"She killed him, I caught her, she pushed me, I told. And like that? That's the end of that story."

Let go of her hair and crossed my arms, turnin' t'Cordy. "She knows shit 'bout how Gunn got killed, and it sounds like she didn't even witness the soddin' thing. My guess? She... well, she buggerin' guessed 'bout it all." Closin' my eyes, I tried t'think... which was hard t'do, let me tell you.

I'm not the soddin' leader!

"Percy and everyone might have more shit t'go on than us unless... you said you had a vision? Anythin' useful we should act on right now?"

Actually, what I wanted t'do was pull her aside and start snoggin', since she was probably the best damn kisser I'd known, but with Harm right here? Probably not the best of times t'do so.

[xxcordeliaxx]

"She killed him, I caught her, she pushed me, I told. And like that? That's the end of that story."

Coming from Harmony, I doubt that. Harmony has never been a lot of things. Intelligent, coordinated, and bearable come to mind as a few qualities that she doesn't have, nor will she ever, and I don't care how many times the Powers bring her back. Taking all of her flaws into consideration, I'd call her smart before I'd ever call her honest. The ditzy half bitch fabricates so much that she can't keep the truth straight from the lies in her own mind anymore. We're not getting the whole story out of her, and the more I hear, the more I realize that it's unlikely that we're going to.

"She knows shit 'bout how Gunn got killed, and it sounds like she didn't even witness the soddin' thing. My guess? She... well, she buggerin' guessed 'bout it all."

It's a little weird how someone who knows Harmony through sex, and someone else who knows her through false friendship, can come to exactly the same conclusion about her at the same time. Or maybe she's just that obvious. I don't care. We're wasting time now, because she's distracting us from what we need to be doing.

I feel so certain about what needs to be done, and yet, I'm still not sure how we're supposed to go about doing any of this. Someone killed one of our friends, a member of the family that may or may not still exist. I'd hate to think that we can't pull together now that we need each other so much. I can count on Spike until he decides to go back to sleeping with blondes. Wesley will always be there if I need him, and Lorne, and Fred...I'd hate to force her back into more than she's ready for. It's bad enough that she has to examine the body of a man she used to be in love with, she doesn't need me throwing confusion into the mix.

I'm not even ready to think about how Angel is going to handle what's happening with Spike. It's none of his business; he has a bleached blonde werewolf girlfriend to keep him moderately happy. I should get a bleached blonde manpire something to keep me, well, to be with.

Is it really that hard to form a plan with a group of people who care about each other? We have had more than our fair share of differences, but Gunn's death needs closure. I feel like the only thing we're doing is letting Harmony gossip about it.

"Percy and everyone might have more shit t'go on than us unless... you said you had a vision? Anythin' useful we should act on right now?"

"Something useful other than the fact Illyria is going evil because of us, and that it hurt like hell and will probably kill me in about a year or two? No, that seems to cover it."

I didn't tell him it hurt before, did I? No wonder I hated being around Harmony so much. She brought out the stupidity in me after long periods of exposure. She's the human emotional equivalent of sunburn. IQ lowering sunburn.

"Harmony, either get out of our hotel or lock yourself in a room where none of us are going to find you." Because if I do, I can't guarantee that she's going to walk away from here with a full head of hair.

"You're right, Spike." I told him, giving my full attention to someone I liked, and completely ignoring the presence of Harmony. "We should go see if they found any new information."