lead balloon
I feel like a lead balloon. I have no energy, no excitement, nothing to look forward to. I need to get out of this funk i'm in. I am afraid the only way for me to do that is to let him go. I dont feel like we're right for each other anymore. I am annoyed all the time. I get annoyed when he talks about flag football, or classes, or someone he saw, or just talking about his day or even that he misses me... what the heck is wrong with me... he tells me he misses me and i'm annoyed by that??!?! oh yeah, maybe because it was HIS decision to leave me. I feel like that KILLED our relationship. I am so unhappy being with him right now because I feel like i'm wasting my life waiting on someone who may never grow up. who may never understand why I need him to do certain things or act a certain way when we're in public... it's not even because I need him to do it, it's because he should do it as an adult male. He should step up and act like a man. I am so tired of being the adult in my relationships, I wanna feel like I have an equal. Someone who is going to stand up and take care of things.
I'm angry. I'm angry that i've stayed in a relationship where I am so obviously unhappy. I want to be happy, and I love him to the ends of the earth, but I don't think he is what's going to make me happy. I have got to take time to be me. find out what my likes and dislikes are. I need to do something to make me happy. I just want to take life head on and make the best of it and I haven't in so long. My family is right, I'm not the same girl I was when I came down here. I was so full of life and hunger for the world, and now I'm nothing. I don't do anything, I don't go anywhere, I don't meet new people. I am nothing.
I'm tired of putting my feelings aside because I dont want to hurt anyone elses. I am tired of not being able to say no. When did I become so timid... when I was younger I didn't know what "stranger" meant. I felt like I could do anything and talk to anyone. I was my own person. Now I'm just his fiance. I have no identity. I have no dreams, I have no ambition.I'm just tired of not knowing who I am or who I want to be anymore. I'm tired of going through the motions in life. If I died tomorrow, I would have missed out on so many things in life, and I wouldn't die satisfied with who I am. I have to break free.
I'm angry. I'm angry that i've stayed in a relationship where I am so obviously unhappy. I want to be happy, and I love him to the ends of the earth, but I don't think he is what's going to make me happy. I have got to take time to be me. find out what my likes and dislikes are. I need to do something to make me happy. I just want to take life head on and make the best of it and I haven't in so long. My family is right, I'm not the same girl I was when I came down here. I was so full of life and hunger for the world, and now I'm nothing. I don't do anything, I don't go anywhere, I don't meet new people. I am nothing.
I'm tired of putting my feelings aside because I dont want to hurt anyone elses. I am tired of not being able to say no. When did I become so timid... when I was younger I didn't know what "stranger" meant. I felt like I could do anything and talk to anyone. I was my own person. Now I'm just his fiance. I have no identity. I have no dreams, I have no ambition.I'm just tired of not knowing who I am or who I want to be anymore. I'm tired of going through the motions in life. If I died tomorrow, I would have missed out on so many things in life, and I wouldn't die satisfied with who I am. I have to break free.