hate me for all the things i didn't do for you...
i have nothing to complain about really other than the fact that i am totally tired all the time. we finally handed over the keys to the old house yesterday so we're "done" moving. by "done" i mean we have all of our stuff at our new house, but it's still either packed or strewn all over the house because we haven't had the time to get it unpacked the right way. we haven't even painted all of the rooms yet. our bathroom is half painted and neither one of the back rooms are done, nor is the kitchen. and so we can't finish putting in the book shelves and big furniture until that painting is done. i'm kinda feeling overwhelmed already with working every day, eventhough i only started that yesterday. i know i'll get by it's just a matter of getting used to it.
my BIGGEST complaint right now is food. i am NOT eating right and i know it. i dont seem to have any control over what i'm eating. i don't even have to be hungry i just walk by and see something that looks good and then i just eat it. my body feels it too which i think is part of why i'm so tired. my stomach is always messed up because it can't digest all the crappy stuff i'm putting in it and so all my food just seems to sit. and now with work every day i don't have the time to walk like i wanted to be doing. and sit ups seem to be really hurting my back. i know i sound like i'm just whining, but i am SO uncomfortable. and when people tell me i'm being crazy it hurts just as much as being told i'm fat. i KNOW i'm not eating right, i KNOW my body is not the way it should be so stop telling me everything is ok and i'm just perceiving it to be a big difference. i dont want to be totally skinny, that's not my goal. i dont mind keeping the weight i'm at now, i just want to change the REASON i'm that weight. i think 124 is perfectly fine for my height but right now i am OUT OF SHAPE. i used to be so toned it was crazy. wwhen we were going to santa cruz all the time i looked the best i have ever ever ever looked. i was about 10 lbs lighter than i am now, i'd KILL to be back at that point. it was amazing. i felt so good all the time. and right now i dont even feel like i can breath properly, i feel crowded in my own body. i know i sound nuts but that is EXACTLY how it feels. ok ok ok, i'll stop but i had to get that off my chest so i could breath A LITTLE bit easier. urgh.
my BIGGEST complaint right now is food. i am NOT eating right and i know it. i dont seem to have any control over what i'm eating. i don't even have to be hungry i just walk by and see something that looks good and then i just eat it. my body feels it too which i think is part of why i'm so tired. my stomach is always messed up because it can't digest all the crappy stuff i'm putting in it and so all my food just seems to sit. and now with work every day i don't have the time to walk like i wanted to be doing. and sit ups seem to be really hurting my back. i know i sound like i'm just whining, but i am SO uncomfortable. and when people tell me i'm being crazy it hurts just as much as being told i'm fat. i KNOW i'm not eating right, i KNOW my body is not the way it should be so stop telling me everything is ok and i'm just perceiving it to be a big difference. i dont want to be totally skinny, that's not my goal. i dont mind keeping the weight i'm at now, i just want to change the REASON i'm that weight. i think 124 is perfectly fine for my height but right now i am OUT OF SHAPE. i used to be so toned it was crazy. wwhen we were going to santa cruz all the time i looked the best i have ever ever ever looked. i was about 10 lbs lighter than i am now, i'd KILL to be back at that point. it was amazing. i felt so good all the time. and right now i dont even feel like i can breath properly, i feel crowded in my own body. i know i sound nuts but that is EXACTLY how it feels. ok ok ok, i'll stop but i had to get that off my chest so i could breath A LITTLE bit easier. urgh.