it's sunday evening and maci is going insane

[angel_]

my mind is racing. i can't avoid these thoughts. i think it has snuck up on me again. that thing that is always lurking in the background. i don't know if i'm completely mad. it's either time to give in and discover what's really happening. or to admit insanity and get some help. i've been trying to blow this off as my crazy mind for years. but every now and then it comes back. and this time, it may not just be me? i thought there was something. now im almost certain. but maybe it's something else entirely. or maybe im mad. it's all coming together slowly. or i'm about to flip out completely. and it scares me, a lot. i think maybe someone may have fucked with something and that's where my head's been the past few week, totaly fucking with. if that's the case then this is a whole new level of uncool and im really fucking angry. or maybe it's a good thing. man my brain is going to implode. so i might have to drink at work tonight, just to get this shit out of my head. i want to hide. i want to shut it out again. i hate it. it scares me. and if you don't believe it, it isn't real, right? but i love it. i want to discover more. i don't know. man, i really don't know.

what the hell is going on?