No more mister nice guy.
I guess that I realize more and more everyday that I shouldn't trust a single soul with the things that I feel or the things that happen to me. I've learned that even the poeple that have been there for long periods of time, people you thought that you could confide in, will stab you even harder in the back.
Samantha, is the whom I am referring to. I told her everything. I told her things that I haven't told any other soul stalking this earth. I thought all this time that she was just like me. We laughed at the same things. Did the same things. Said the same things. Enjoyed doing the same things. I stood up for her, stood by her. Listened to her every problem even if she repeated the same thing everytime. Everytime she called me crying, no bawling her eyes out, I would listen and offer my condolences.
At least I know that I can say that I tried. Let's pull out the faults towards the end. I'll take the blame. It was my fault for telling her everything. It was my fault for helping. It was my fault that I trusted her. I knew that I couldn't. I just thought that one day I would. I'm not going to make that mistake anymore.
She threw everything I told her in my face. I love Pio, I've told that to the world, millions of times. He makes me crazy. He'll forever be apart of my heart, whether we talk or not. I'm in love with Martin. I've not changed this, not in over a year. These are the 2 men that take my heart, and have for a long time. She tried to tell me that I change who I love every week. I love these two people, and have dated or talked to several others. Sorry that we can't all be in commited, shitty ass relationships like her.
I don't plan on talking shit about her to other people, because as I have always said, I am not in high school, I don't like drama and I'm better than that. I don't care if she does. It just proves how immature she could be. I do not plan on holding anything back in here though because what she said to me was so fucked up.
Everyone who hangs out with me enough knows that I have OCD and anxiety. I still have minuature panic attacks. But I've done better. She tried to throw it in my face saying I really don't have it because I'll drink after Kristyn and not her. [I don't like to drink after people or eat after people. I won't eat my food or drink my drink if I have left it in a room... It's weird.] What she doesn't get, what I have tried to explain to her is that I can only drink after Kristyn because I have spent so much time with her. I've learned her lifestlye and I've slowly learned to trust her. Sam makes a hundred excuses a week as to why she can't spend time with us or just me. It took my like 8 months to finally drink after Kristyn. Of course it's going to take longer with Sam because I never see her. She's always with Alex, her one and only.
She also threw the fact that I recently slept with.... Well, I don't even want to mention that assholes name, he's TOTALLY different story. Yes, we slept together. It wasn't a big deal. It was twice. I make mistakes too. But she's the first one to throw it in my face. She also told me that I didn't care about her. That was so fucked up. I have bent over backwards for her. I've gotten into her ex, John's face SO MANY times for her. Defending her. I have called and convinced her boyfriend to not break up with her. I have been on the phone with her for hours because she was crying so hard that I had to calm her and talk to her and give her advice when him and her broke up. She thought that she was having a miscarriage and I was right there at her house ready to take her to the hospital.
Now don't get me wrong, she had been there through a lot with me. I never said that she wasn't. But to turn around and throw it into my face was really fucked up. I cried, because I'm not always the heartless bitch I appear to be. She called me a cry baby. Real friend there huh? So in the end I told her to go rot in hell. I was just so mad. I know it was mean but I could take it anymore. I was tired of being nice while she acted like a child. askdfhafghd.
I don't understand her at all. I mean she's quick to get rid of me, but I have never made her cry. She'll lie to you and tell you that she doesn't fight that much with her boyfriend, but me being the ex best friend, I know the truth. They fight all the time and she is so miserable sometimes. But she thinks that she can't live without him, but the truth is, she doesn't give herself the chance to live without him. She does EVERYTHING for him. She does anything to make him happy. He breaks plans with her ALLL the time. He's broken up with her, gotten back with her, broken up with her and told her that he only got back with her because he was afraid she would kill herself. He would tell her one day that he didn't know if he wanted to even be with her and then the next day he would tell her he couldn't live without her. He tells her everyday that he still can't get over the fact that she left him for her ex. That was 8 months ago.
This is not anything bad about Alex. For the record, these are the things that she has told me and I am just repeating them on paper. Or computer, whatever. My point is that even though she has said he has done all of this to her, she is still with him. Still puts up with all this nonsense that she claims to go through. But I tell her I am sick of her taking her anger out on me and sick of her acting like a bitch to me and sick of her treating with untter disrespect sometimes. I just can't take it anymore.
Maybe one day we'll be friends again. But I don't know. I just don't want to picture my life with her in it anymore.
Well, besides that. The person that I did sleep with, I told him today that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. He's a dick.
I'm trying to cut the people out of my life that I know I don't need there. It'll hurt me in the long run, but I don't care anymore. I am so sick of trying the be nice to everyone and it always blowing up in my face. I'm done with all the bullshit. I'm not letting people walk all over anymore. I am not going to tell anyone anything. I have no trust anymore for anyone.
And that means EVERYONE.