(no subject)
Been a crazy past few days.. and yet there is an unexplainable peace in me right now. I don't understand, I cannot comprehend the full plans that God has over me right now. Nichole Nordeman explains it perfectly:
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I,
Will still sleep peacefully,
with answers out of reach to me until..
Someday all that's crazy,
all that's unexplained
will fall into place
and someday all that's hazy
through a clouded glass
will be clear at last..
I'm trusting that He's got everything in control, that somehow this craziness fits into the plan. Sat down with Janell today over lunch and told her that, and she told me straight up, "carole, don't give me that 'God has a plan in this' stuff .. allow yourself to hurt and feel. it's okay not to be okay." That sort of hit me hard. No, I'm not okay. I hurt. But Jesus I'm seeking You.. Jesus I want what you want, whatever it is. I trust You.
I feel like I'm under the gun, people are waiting for me to make a decision, telling me I should decide, sharing their opinions. Last week I was okay with making the choice slowly, with no pressure. Suddenly this whole thing is so much bigger. I don't care - I just want to know where YOU want me to go. Or stay. That's another thing - people don't realize that to stay would be so much harder than to go, it's not to going that scares me - I know how to do that! that's familiar! - it's the staying. The 'why have you called me HERE?' Oh, Jesus, the battle that my heart is in .. help me to surrender. I love you.
so hold on
love will find you
hold on
He's right behind you now
just turn around
and love will find you
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I,
Will still sleep peacefully,
with answers out of reach to me until..
Someday all that's crazy,
all that's unexplained
will fall into place
and someday all that's hazy
through a clouded glass
will be clear at last..
I'm trusting that He's got everything in control, that somehow this craziness fits into the plan. Sat down with Janell today over lunch and told her that, and she told me straight up, "carole, don't give me that 'God has a plan in this' stuff .. allow yourself to hurt and feel. it's okay not to be okay." That sort of hit me hard. No, I'm not okay. I hurt. But Jesus I'm seeking You.. Jesus I want what you want, whatever it is. I trust You.
I feel like I'm under the gun, people are waiting for me to make a decision, telling me I should decide, sharing their opinions. Last week I was okay with making the choice slowly, with no pressure. Suddenly this whole thing is so much bigger. I don't care - I just want to know where YOU want me to go. Or stay. That's another thing - people don't realize that to stay would be so much harder than to go, it's not to going that scares me - I know how to do that! that's familiar! - it's the staying. The 'why have you called me HERE?' Oh, Jesus, the battle that my heart is in .. help me to surrender. I love you.
so hold on
love will find you
hold on
He's right behind you now
just turn around
and love will find you