things i've learned........................
so here are just some things that i have learned: richard will always have a crush on me (secertively or not), paul and cj will call me the most when i am at work(;-)), fay has always been there for me, brandon is my soul mate, i will always feel close to patrick even if he doesn't, but the number one thing that i have learned is that bad shit always happens to me. brandon decided that one week of seperation wasn't good enough for him so he decided to make it two. he has to think about some things. so here i am alone again in a house filled with people. whenever i get upset at fay and patrick, fay is the only one who talks to me. i wish patrick would ask how i feel. it seems like me feelings are of no concern to him. i also have learned that it is impossible to hang out with fay and patrick in the privacy of my own house without feeling uneasy or out of place. the three of us can never just chill in patricks room, and i really don't know why. so now fay is mad at me because i told her all of that. she says she doesn't know how to please everybody when it comes to the whole "patrick" thing. but i just wanted 30 minutes. i didn't think that it was to much to ask. but this upsetness might have something to do with the fact that the foundation of my life is cracking. brandon and i are seperated, i just got fired from best buy (sorry no more discounted stuff...saturday is my last day), and now fay and i are pissed at each other. or she is pissed at me, or i am pissed at her, doesn't matter. oh yeah i almost forgot.........i am pmsing this week. so yeah for me. while brandon and i were seperated last week, we had gotten into a very big fight and he stormed out of my house and i was left crying on the entry way floor. i had never been so upset, i almost walked into the kitchen and cut myself. the only thing that stopped me was the fact that i then rationally thought that it might have made the situation worst. i feel as though i can't deal with everything crashing down on me. and then billy showed up. he always has the best timing. there are things that paul, cj, richard, patrick, brandon, and maybe fay don't know about billy and i. and i highly doubt that you all will ever find out. i am sure that billy has told his side of the story, and i am sure that it paints me as the bad guy or the person stared it or the person who deserved it. but if you knew what happened it would surly change the way that you felt about one of us. he is your friend and you all know that we didn't exaclty break up on good terms, not even okay terms. i am just glad that i am able to sit in the same room as him now. cuz i never thought that would happen. i have grown and learned a lot from that relationship. i hope that i never have to endure it again. well i am tired and i am going to go to sleep. i just hope that everything gets better.