Fic: Intoxicating (2/2)
Title: Intoxicating
Author: Angel1605
Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing/characters: Ten/Donna
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: PG-13
Word count: c. 7000
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just borrow them to play with.
Summary: The Doctor and Donna discuss kissing after their adventure with Agatha Christie, but the conversation leads to more than just talking.
Author's note: You can find the first part here.
When they break slightly away from each other at last, she can only stare at him, simply unable to believe what just happened. This is the Doctor, her alien friend, her best friend, who she doesn't feel anything more than platonic love for - who isn't supposed to be more than a friend. He of all people shouldn't make her feel like this. But here she is, trembling and panting, aroused, and all this because of a kiss. He hasn't even really touched her except, hasn't started groping her like any other bloke she has been with in a slightly similar situation would've done. He just held her, keeping their bodies close together, but hasn't even tried to move his hands underneath her blouse.
It simply doesn't make any sense. He's the Doctor, he wants her as nothing more than a friend, just like the mere thought of 'mating' with him would've made her sick until very recently. But now their little experiment - their bizarre, crazy experiment - has gotten out of hand completely. He kissed her and she liked it, so much more than she has ever liked anything intimate, even though this was indeed completely innocent compared to what any other bloke would've done if he would've been in the Doctor's position.
Although he was the one who started all this and the kiss was until very recently something that she didn't plan to repeat under any circumstances, she isn't so reluctant any longer. Quite the opposite, in fact. Although she has had him now, in a way, she still wants him, again and again, and she wants more than kisses, so much more, but she can't because this is just a one time thing, because she's just Donna Noble, plain at the best of times, and he's the Doctor and...
And then she reaches for him, the blind desire to feel again what he just did stronger than anything else, even her wish to remain traveling with him forever and let nothing compromise it. But she wants him, needs him, even though she doesn't understand this at all, even though this is wrong and will ruin everything. It was just one kiss, they agreed about one single kiss, but he has proven his point and he has done so too well. Oh, she knows now what he tried to tell her earlier, is convinced now that kissing can indeed be as magical as he unsuccessfully tried to persuade her of before. At the same time she is intuitively aware that there's only one person who can make her feel like that, and that experiencing it once isn't enough.
Donna all but throws herself at him. She's still panting but there's nothing that can prevent her from seeking his lips once more. He falls over from the sudden impact but his arms lock around her waist anyway, even before both of them fall heavily on the couch, with her ending up sprawled on top of the Doctor. There is no awkwardness however when their lips meet again. Although the kiss that she initiates is messy and rather clumsy, as she doesn't know exactly just how to recreate the perfect kiss they just shared with the Doctor's surprisingly skillful guidance, it feels wonderful anyway.
But the kiss isn't the only thing that feels good. The sensations that are caused by their sudden physical closeness are rather remarkable as well. His hands end up on the small of her back this time, caressing her through the fabric of her clothing, something that too feels better than any touch of any bloke she has been with before, even though there are several layers of material between her skin and his hands. She has found those hands always quite elegant, but she will appreciate them in a whole new way from now on, knowing now what they can do to her - but that goes for all of him. It's not something she's considering in that very moment though. The only thing of importance that he's reciprocating with unbridled enthusiasm.
Donna has been traveling with the Doctor for quite a while now and thanks to him she has seen the most impossible and amazing things. But although it feels rather ungrateful to think so, she can't help but feel that the miracles of time and space that he has shown her so far pale in comparison to the wonderful things that are going on inside her because of him. And even though the mere thought of kissing him like this is totally ridiculous even now, she wishes now that it would go on forever.
She has no doubt however that he's only doing this to make her feel better. In spite of what he just told her, Donna is sure that he's only doing this for her sake and that he himself isn't enjoying this as much as she does at all. But this has happened already and she wouldn't be able to undo this even if she wanted to. If things are going to be awkward between them from now on, that's going to happen anyway. So she might as well fully enjoy this now that she has the chance.
So she kisses him until she's completely out of breath, familiarizing herself with the feeling of his lips and tongue against hers, trying to memorize the sweeps of his tongue and the pressure of his lips for future analysis. This process is a rather lengthy and ungrateful one because she is far too busy enjoying his kisses to find out how his mouth can make her feel so good.
Only when she starts to feel too dizzy to go on for even one more second, she breaks away from him, pushing herself up on her arms to distance herself slightly from him. Doing so is difficult, and not just because her entire body is far too content just staying very close to the Doctor. It seems like her being just refuses to get away from him now that it finally has found a place where it can't only fully relax, but also enjoy itself so completely. Donna fears however that she has by now gone far beyond the chance that the Doctor was offering her. The kiss has come to an end and no doubt the same goes for whatever it was that let her kiss him in the first place.
When she sits up, her movements rather clumsy now that their limbs are still lost in the world of bliss that he just introduced her to, she is not so sure any longer. There is an expression of pure delight on his face, his eyes glassy and slightly unfocused, and even in her clouded mind the thought that he actually seems to have been enjoying the kiss as much as she did after all is forming quite rapidly. She can only stare at him when he blinks slowly, looking like he's completely bewildered as well, but not with revulsion like she initially feared. And even though she doesn't want to notice it, at least not now, she can't help but appreciate the way he looks, his hair even messier than usual and an enraptured look on his face that she has never seen before - a look that she must've caused.
Words fail to describe what his touch has done to her, her entire body tingling and trembling deliciously in a way it has never done before, in a way she hasn't thought it could. The fact that the Doctor is the one who has somehow released this completely unfamiliar passion inside of her obviously only makes it only stranger.
It takes a lot of effort to actually get up again. It's not that she wants to move away from the Doctor - she'd actually love to remain lying on top of him like that - but she needs some space after what just had happened, and she is rather sure that this is especially the case for him.
Glancing at him, she notices that he is staring off into the distance before he finally focuses on her with some difficulty, an incredibly beautiful smile appearing on his face as he does so. She knows that she is in quite the same state; even if she is trying to deal with what just happened - and with whom - her body is completely relaxed, actually feeling rejuvenated somehow, and she is smiling like an idiot even though she still fears for the future between the Doctor and herself.
“You can do that anytime you want,” she says, his kiss having lowered her usual inhibitions quite a bit. The words are some of the truest she has ever said; although she hasn't quite forgotten that he is supposed to be no more than her alien best friend, her dear streak of nothing, there is something about the way he just made her feel that is more important than that, even though it'll doubtlessly never happen again.
Donna only realizes that she must've said that out loud when he looks at her with a gaze that sends desire coursing throughout her body all over again. For although it's impossibly unlikely, she knows on a very primal level that it it's indeed physical want that the Doctor makes her experience in a way no one has ever done before - by doing nothing more than kissing her. His kisses are very thorough, but still.
It's not the time to consider it. There's something about his eyes, so much darker than usual, an intensity that has never been there before, not even in the moments of ultimate danger or triumph that she has experienced on his side.
His almost black gaze alone is enough to make her move back, until she is lying fully on the couch. It's not fear that causes her to move - quite the opposite. She freely surrenders herself to him, heart beating wildly in anticipation of what he's going to do next.
The Doctor follows her, moving over her until he is hovering above her, resting his weight on his knees and elbows. Their chests are pressed lightly against one another and it takes a lot of willpower to prevent herself from grabbing him and pulling him firmly on top of her, wanting to find out how much more he can do to her, to what extent he can set her aflame.
She does nothing of the sort however as he trembles above her, reaching out with one hand to caress her face once more. The touch is light but it has her shivering once more as their eyes lock in silent understanding.
He kisses her again, the intimate caress lacking none of the delight and eagerness he expressed before, but being so much more tender.
They kiss slowly, almost leisurely, and she doesn't bother trying to contain the moans that he causes with almost every swipe of his tongue and every nip of his lips on hers. She hears his reaction to her and she savors the quiet grunts that she somehow gets out of him again. Although his body feels only slightly warmer than usual, still much cooler than her own, and she can feel the drum of his twin hearts against her chest as she focuses enough, he has never seemed more human to her.
His hands caresses her face as her fingers twine into his hair, pulling him closer, angling their heads until the kiss becomes even deeper, until he seems to reach to her very soul.
He lowers his body until he actually is on top of her and even before Lance she might've felt threatened by this sign of male dominance, but Donna doesn't feel intimidated at all. If anything, she finds herself entwining her legs with his own when he settles between her thighs, making himself more comfortable.
She would've actually wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer against that spot that's beginning to ache for him as well now, but even as he mesmerizes her with his kisses and caresses, with the feeling of his unexpectedly heavy and solid body on her own, there's always a part of her that remembers very well who exactly is touching her like this, that those kisses themselves are dangerous enough already, if only because they are so wonderful.
He is caressing her sides with careful but firm hands, still never actually moving underneath the fabric of her blouse or jeans. She isn't sure whether she is relieved by this or not; no matter how much she hates it when blokes try to cop a feel her while distracting her with a kiss, she can't help but think, even now, that it wouldn't actually be so bad if the Doctor would do just that.
But then he strokes her hips through the fabric of her clothing while brushing against her tongue with his own in a particularly delicious way, groaning her name into her mouth, and all form of coherent thought is rendered impossible. She can only speak for herself, but no matter how impossible it seemed to her until a very short while ago, everything about the way the Doctor is behaving now more than suggests that he likes this as much as she does.
Donna is becoming light-headed and it takes her another few almost delirious seconds to realize that it's actually the lack of air that makes her world spin this time. Vaguely recalling another advantage of the Doctor's body, she manages to move one hand between their bodies and push him away slightly, knowing that she has to breathe more than he does, no matter how much she'd like that kiss to continue for a very long time - if not forever.
His cheeks are unusually red when he gives her some space, his eyes still closed as he too gasps for air as soon as they break apart. Simultaneously realizing that they both are completely out of breath, they sit up again; he helps her getting up even as his eyes are still closed, as if he is kissing her in his mind even now, guiding her blindly into a sitting position.
For a long time, they just sit like that, on their knees on the couch, panting. She stares at him with complete disbelief, both of them having one hand on the head rest of the couch for support, in her case at least to make sure that she doesn't simply fall over due to the incredible sensation that still swirl deep within her.
“That was even better than I imagined,” he breathes at length, his eyes still closed.
Although Donna has been rather sure that her heartbeat couldn't possibly get any wilder after just having been kissed like that, she finds that it now actually feels as if the organ is going to hammer its way out of her chest.
The Doctor tenses, clearly not having intended to having that said out loud. But he has, and no matter the shock that his words causes for both of them, it's too late to take them back.
“Did you...”
Catching her breath is something that's nearly impossible as well after he just implied that today wasn't the first time that this has crossed his mind.
“Did you think about this?”
“Oh yes,” he says slowly, after a long moment of hesitation, brown eyes fluttering open at last. “I've been wondering about this for quite a while now.”
She shallows with difficulty, reminded of the words that he said right after she kissed him earlier today for the very first time, that he wanted to do that more often. Now she recalls that he only referred explicitly to the detox after a few long and very awkward seconds had passed.
“But you... you said...”
“I know,” he says quietly, his voice sad even as his eyes are still gleaming with something she hasn't seen there before. She is beginning to understand what she's actually seeing in those dark pools of emotion now, but it's something that she doesn't dare name - not yet, anyway. “Just friends, we were supposed to be no more than friends. I'm sorry, Donna. I promised that there'd be no 'mating'. Believe me, I didn't want to. I tried not to think of you that way - I really did. But things changed, and I...”
Even as she's trying to make sense of the words he's saying, she can't tear her gaze away from his face, taking in the seemingly endless depth of his eyes, that are expressing his feelings more clearly than his mouth this time.
“You were my best friend... you still are, but you've become so much more than that. I'm sorry, Donna.”
He breaks the eye contact and moves away from her. He all but collapses on the edge of the couch, as if he wants to distance himself from her and all the fire and life that he just showed is somehow drained from him. His enthusiasm and passion however is still very fresh in her mind, making her miss the physical contact even more.
But she can't let him go away from her before it's absolutely clear to her what's going on with him - what's going on between them. Although his words bewilder her, they don't shock her as much as she would've thought when someone would've told her recently that the Doctor apparently likes her as more than a friend.
“Spaceman,” she whispers, the affectionate nickname rolling off her tongue intuitively as she reaches for his hand and crosses some of the distance that he has created between them.
He doesn't pull his hand out of her grasp, although the way it trembles suggest that he is suppressing the urge to do so with quite some difficulty. He still refuses to look her in the eye and she feels that they can only continue this particular part of the conversation when he is ready to confront her openly with whatever it is that he feels for her now.
Although the mere thought of him cherishing anything more than friendship for her would've terrified her in the past, she can't help but be intrigued now. Whereas the idea that he actually sees her as more than a friend is still bizarre to her, she can't just dismiss it, nor would she want to.
“But what about the detox?” she asks, hoping that this related but relatively neutral topic will help him relax a little, knowing that the Time Lord has huge trouble expressing his feelings properly on a good day, and she doesn't even want to think of how difficult it is for him to voice his thoughts and emotions now that even she is having much difficulty doing so herself. “I kissed you because I was certain that you would be horrified by that, I couldn't think of anything that could shock you more. But apparently, you weren't that shocked at all then - but still, it worked!”
“That's because I was shocked,” he says after a long moment, “but not because I was 'horrified' as you say. Your kiss shocked me because I wanted it, but knew that it would never happen.”
Donna doesn't know what to think of that, only beginning to see how her own explanation of the effect of the kiss suits his initial reaction just as much as the real reason does, even though they couldn't differ more.
But the hand in hers relaxes slightly, and so does she as she notices this.
“Doctor...” she tries again, willing him to talk and moving slightly towards him with the hope that she can show him this way that she isn't afraid of whatever it is that he needs to say, that she isn't running away from him. “We can only get this out of the way if we both know what's going on here... between us.”
Especially the last word is a strange one given the context, but at the same time she can't help but like the sound of it. Only now she's beginning to see just how close the Doctor and she have grown throughout the past few months, that their hugs and banter - and not to mention the seemingly accidental and lingering touches - have been hinting at something more than friendship for much longer than either of them was willing to admit.
“On the day when we met again, when I... misunderstood you,” she says, recalling the moment during which she thought that he had said that he wanted to 'mate' with her, “what I said to you... it wasn't personal. I would've said it to anyone. Since Lance I haven't been with anyone. After what he did... I didn't trust men any longer.”
She looks at him, willing him to return her gaze, but he keeps staring at his right hand, that's still resting on the head rest, fingers digging into the couch. Although she wants to talk to him, she is temporarily relieved for the lasting silence; it gives her some time to think herself. Time that she needs indeed now that she begins to realize just how much the Doctor is filling the huge whole that was left in her life ever since the day of the failed wedding, during which she found out about her fiancé's true intentions. Ironically, the Time Lord himself was there on that day. Donna shivers a little, in a way that has nothing to do with the way the Doctor just made her feel, as she sees how everything that's happening between them now can be lead back to that fateful moment when she appeared in the TARDIS, in a wedding dress of all things.
“I trust you,” she continues, “with my life. After Lance, I was suspicious as soon as a man even looked at me for longer than a few seconds. But with you...”
She trails off, wondering if she can tell him that it's more than trust that she feels for him when he is as unresponsive as this, if she can open her heart to let out its secret, even as she isn't sure herself what she'll find if she'll be completely honest with both him and herself.
“Is it different with me?”
In any other situation she would've rolled her eyes at him because of the way he is looking at her at that moment, maybe even asking whether one of his previous incarnations actually has been a sweet, adorable and very sad puppy, but now she only finds herself melting when she looks into those kind, pleading eyes.
There's hope in his voice, but much more fear, as if he expects nothing but immediate rejection. She has never seen him like this before but now that she does, she's beginning to realize that he has been like this for quite some time, guarding his true feelings but incapable of hiding them from her completely. In retrospect, she wonders how it can be that she hasn't seen before just how much has changed between them, long before this particular evening, long before she thought of a kiss of all things to save his life, convinced that a kiss would be the last thing he would expect. She has been right, but in a way that is completely different than she thought.
“It is different,” she says at length, not sure how it actually is different with him, only that she indeed trusts him like she has never trusted a man, even now that he has revealed that his feelings for her are so much more than what she initially thought - and which actually was a condition for her to travel with him. Romantic complications were the last thing she wanted, but now that they just have experienced this and her entire being has been flooded with warmth and delight and love, she can't think of anything that's more natural and unexpectedly easy than the enjoyment they just shared by crossing that final border between them.
A burden seems to be taken off his shoulder as soon as he hears those words. The smile she is so familiar with returns to his face, although this smile is different from the one she sees so often now. It's more radiant, completely relaxed, making the Time Lord look like he's actually happy. She can't bring herself to tell him just yet that this doesn't mean that she actually loves him, or something as seemingly bizarre as that, only that she trusts him completely, even now, and that he indeed is somehow capable of making her feel like no one else has ever done.
He offers her his hand and she takes it with hardly any consideration, even though the gesture probably means now a different thing than before. She isn't worried about this at all however when he carefully pulls her closer to him once more. He only lets go off her hand when she is comfortably sitting on the couch again, leaning against him. The way they are sitting together doesn't differ all that much from the way they usually occupy the large couch together, but it's obvious that such things will never be the same again for them.
“How do you feel?”
Donna takes in a deep breath, but the extra oxygen in her system doesn't make it any easier for her to make sense of the thoughts and feelings that battle for domination within her. She only knows that she turns out to really, really like kissing the Doctor, but that knowledge alone is enough to turn her world completely upside down in a way that has nothing to do with the things she usually sees during his travels.
“Donna,” he says quickly, obviously thinking the worst when she doesn't answer his question immediately. “It's alright. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. This is not what we agreed upon when you started traveling with me and I know that. We can forget about this, pretend that it didn't happened. And... if that's not good enough, if I have ruined things between us, I can take you ba...”
“No,” she says, surprising both of them with the strength of her voice. But she can't stand hearing him say it, even if it's only a purely hypothetical situation. There's now way that she's going home, not because of something like this - not ever. The mere possibility of going back to her former life horrifies her. Not just because she would miss the excitement of her new life, but most of all because of him. She honestly wouldn't know what to do without the Doctor. And after what just happened between them, there's a whole new reason that she doesn't want to be separated from him.
Donna is beginning to see just how very fond she is of the Doctor, in a way that possibly goes beyond friendship, even before that rash kiss earlier that day and the much more determined intimacy that they just experienced.
She knows that she doesn't want to lose the Doctor, doesn't want to leave him, but except for that she can't make sense of her own feelings, the confusion that she's feeling even drowning out the sense of complete euphoria that he just caused with his kisses, never mind that he was the very last person who should be able to make her feel like that.
Not knowing what else to do, she decides to start at the beginning. Breathing in deeply once more, she hopes that she'll be able to tell him how she sees him now that everything between them has changed, even though she isn't even sure herself of her own feelings now.
“When I first met you... well.”
In spite of the situation, they smile at each other as they recall the moment several years ago in which she appeared inside the TARDIS, almost literally out of nowhere.
“You saved my life and you protected me, and I was grateful for that, of course. But you terrified me. What you did to the Empress and her children... I suppose you didn't have much of a choice, but it was horrifying.”
She feels almost guilty for saying this as she sees the expression of his regret on his face; although he may feel remorse for the way he killed the young Racnoss, it's obvious that he's mostly sorry for scaring her that day - of leaving without her after he brought her back home.
“I needed someone,” he says quietly. “I still do.”
Donna swallows with some difficulty, knowing that he's talking about her - and that he needs her in more ways than they initially thought. But as she considers her next words, she's beginning to feel that he's perhaps not the only one.
“And then you were gone, and it was a relief at first to have some normalcy back in my life, no alien spiders or Huon particles and all that. But then time moved on like it always did - my life went on like usual, as if nothing happened at all - and I realized I had made a huge mistake by turning down your offer. I began to look for you, and when I finally found you...”
They smile again as they recall that moment at the flight of stairs at the Adipose headquarters, the relief and sheer joy of having found him almost tangible even now. The smile fades from her face however when she is reminded of the way he held on to her then, clinging to her. She didn't think anything of it that day, never did, until now. She isn't sure whether he embraced her then with more than delight of meeting her again, but by now she's beginning to realize that she enjoyed being held like that by him on so many levels, even then. The thought of never experiencing that again, of never being in his arms again, is in a way more terrifying than seeing him slaughter the Racnoss.
“You're the best friend I've ever had,” she says, reaching for his hand, holding it tightly as soon as her fingers entwine with hers. “You're a streak of alien nothing, but... there's nowhere I'd rather be than with you. I don't ever want to leave you. I trust you, more than anyone. I...”
The realization hits her almost like a physical blow. It dawns on her exactly what she just almost said, how true the three words are even though she can't say them aloud just yet.
The Doctor is immediately aware of the shock that goes through her body. He moves closer to her, squeezing her hand as if trying to comfort her that way, even before knowing what's going on, the concern so very obvious in his eyes.
“I think I...”
Donna swallows again, her throat going completely dry as she's beginning to see just how much the Doctor has grown to mean to her - and how much more this is than she knew until a moment ago.
If there was any room for doubt about her feelings for him, it's gone when he pulls her closer to him, embracing her in a way that's so familiar and yet so new, hands caressing her back in calming patterns. The pressure of his palms and his quietly muttered words comforts her like they always do, but there's something different about the effect that he's having her, an affect that couldn't be any less calming. And yet, it's not upsetting at all, not in any way.
Now that he's closer to her she can reach for his face. And this is exactly what she does, caressing his pale skin as carefully as she can, something deep inside of her clenching with joy when she beholds his fluttering eyelashes, when she sees just how very beautiful he is.
“I like you more than I should,” she whispers, struggling to find words that can make clear to him that she somehow has come to love him as more than a friend without having to say the words that will make everything so much more complicated than it already is. “I...”
Thinking of a proper reply becomes even more difficult however when he beams at her, as if she has just made him the happiest man in the universe by implying that she likes him as more than a friend. Donna smiles back at him, feeling elated indeed when his grin too makes her feel in a way that it really shouldn't. For once, she won't need words to explain herself.
He reaches for her, the question clear in his eyes, and this time she doesn't hesitate at all when she moves towards him. There's only one way to get as close to him as she wants and although she totally forbade herself to do so only a short while, she is more than happy to straddle him now, her movements both careful and eager.
Both of them sigh when she settles herself against him, the hands that come to rest lightly on her hips only making her feel good. Whereas there have been many times that she scolded at him for accidentally touching her slightly inappropriately, she is only happy now that he is willing to touch her like this. No matter how his offer to prove to her that kissing doesn't have to be as unpleasant as what she experienced before initially upset her, she is now simply delighted that he could indeed persuade her in such an unconventional way. And now that she knows just how wonderful it is to connect with him on this whole new level, she is very glad indeed that this won't be the last time that they can explore each other like this.
Although she can't put into words yet just how much he has grown to mean to her and she isn't sure how it can be that the same happened to him, the kiss told them everything that they can't explain for themselves just yet. The mere thought of kissing him is still as bizarre as it was earlier that day, but that's not as important anymore as before. This still isn't making any sense to her, but that doesn't matter at all now that the complete enjoyment and excitement that kissing the Doctor causes isn't mixing with the self-doubt that she felt before any longer.
Donna isn't afraid anymore to just let go now that she's in this situation with him, giving in to the urge to be as close to him as she can be. She pointedly closes the distance between them, brushing her lips against his, her body moving sensually against him. The gasps and quiet moans that the kiss elicits from both of them only encourages her more, just like the way he is caressing her back with one hand while the other twines into her hair once more, keeping her face very close to his own.
They remain like that for a long time, kissing and touching, slowly familiarizing themselves with each other in this whole new way, in spite of their enthusiasm making sure not to go too far, both of them silently agreeing to take things slowly, not to ruin anything in haste now that they have just found this completely unexpected source of happiness.
When the kiss comes to an end at length, Donna sighs happily, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her forehead against his. She keeps caressing him, unable to take her hands off him, and he too keeps holding on to her tightly, fingers brushing reverently against her sides. She closes her eyes, wanting to savor this, wanting to save this memory for the rest of her life. The moment is important in so many ways, the changing point in her relationship with the Doctor, the day that he proved to her that physical intimacy can indeed be what she has secretly dreamed of for so long - and that he of all people can provide it.
“What will we do now?” she asks, slightly afraid of the answer even though neither of them can now doubt the feelings that they turn out to have for each other.
“It depends on what you want of course,” he replies, “but as far as I'm concerned, we'll find ourselves a new planet tomorrow. Something nice and quiet, no monsters, no running... just the two of us. Like... a date.”
He hesitates briefly at the last two words, as if he's still afraid to go too far. All evidence of uncertainty disappears from his face however when she smiles at him once more, delighted by his proposal. Although she loves the adventure and even the danger that usually accompanies them wherever they go, right now there's nothing she's more eager to explore than the relationship that appears to be blossoming between the Doctor and herself.
“It's a date-date,” she says, her smile only widening because of the bizarreness of it all, of actually saying those words to him and meaning them, of truly looking forward to go on an actual date with him, to get to know him in the only way she hasn't done so far already. And no matter how much she likes the incidental, more self-indulging side of their travels, the prospect of going on a date with him is more appealing than all futuristic shopping malls, alien spas and historical heroes combined.
“But first, you need to sleep,” he says, reluctantly removing himself from her. “It's been a long day and I know what humans are like.”
She whacks him playfully across the arm as he says this, too delighted by the teasing look on his face as he says this to react to him like she otherwise probably would've done.
Although going to sleep is one of the last things she wants to do now that they're sitting together like this near the hearth in the library, she know that he's right. She needs to rest in order to be able to fully enjoy tomorrow. And besides, the earlier she'll go to bed now, the sooner the next day will actually begin for her.
He's still smiling at her and she loves it, that beautiful smile of his now meaning even more than before. She stands up, to her delight and surprise swaying on her legs, as if they have actually gone weak with the sensations that the Doctor just caused. Aware of her sudden lack of control over her body, he quickly rises right beside her, supporting her. That doesn't make it any easier to stop grinning at him.
The Doctor takes her hand and although it's certainly not the first time that he does so, this gesture too means implies something completely different now. No matter how much she initially didn't want anything like this to happen, the innocent but slightly possessive touch feels completely natural and is more than welcome.
He guides her out of the library, back towards her room. When they reach the last junction, he lets go off her hand and gestures vaguely in the direction of the corridor that's leading to her bedroom. She is confused for a moment, but as she sees the hungry gaze in his eyes, Donna knows that he won't accompany her to the door, and the reason for this.
“I'll see you tomorrow,” she says, shivering a little when she can see clearly just how much he is tempted to go with her, that it is difficult for him too to say goodbye now but that it'll be impossible for him to do so if they get any closer to her room and the bed that's in it.
She loves having this influence on the man who just made her feel so incredible, but she can't stand the thought of being separated from him, even for such a relatively short period of time. It's for the best for them however and they both know it. They have known each other for quite some time, but never like this, and the discovery that he has fallen for her is still so strange, just like she is rather sure that it'll take her quite some time to get used to both his and her own changed feelings.
They have to take things slowly and she really doesn't mind that, but having him look at her like that, by now knowing what he can do to her, how wonderful he can make her feel, doesn't make it any easier to return to her room alone.
“Yes,” he replies, “Good night.”
They share one last goofy smile and then he walks away, almost as if this is just the end of any other day in which he bids her goodnight. But things between them will never be the same again and although the mere idea is utterly bizarre to her even now, she couldn't he happier.
Donna is relieved though that he is the one who turned away, for she is rather sure that she wouldn't have been able to do so herself. For this reason she doesn't regret that he doesn't give her the chance to bid him goodnight properly, walking away from her before she can do so.
Sighing deeply and trying to remove the huge and giddy grin from her face because it's making her feel rather foolish now that he is gone, she heads back for her room. It feels like she is floating instead of walking, the memories of the kisses that the Doctor and she shared just a moment ago making her feel as if her life actually has become a dream.
Closing the door behind her when she enters her room, Donna collapses on her bed, still smiling broadly. She just can't help it, the Doctor making her feel utterly happy even now that he's gone and she craves his presence in a way she has never longed for someone before. Thanks to the way he touched her and the things he said to her, she feels alive in a way that even the wonderful planets and creatures that he shows her on a regular basis don't make her feel.
Sleeping is going to be difficult now that she's so excited about what just happened between the Doctor and herself - and about what might take place tomorrow. She knows though that she has to sleep in order to get as ready for the next day - for their date - as she can be.
But for now, there's only one thing she can think of, only one thing she can do. Promising herself that she'll actually go to sleep as soon as she has slightly calmed down, Donna just makes herself comfortable, replaying tonight's events again and again in her mind and allowing herself to wonder about the next day to her heart's content.
Author: Angel1605
Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing/characters: Ten/Donna
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: PG-13
Word count: c. 7000
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just borrow them to play with.
Summary: The Doctor and Donna discuss kissing after their adventure with Agatha Christie, but the conversation leads to more than just talking.
Author's note: You can find the first part here.
When they break slightly away from each other at last, she can only stare at him, simply unable to believe what just happened. This is the Doctor, her alien friend, her best friend, who she doesn't feel anything more than platonic love for - who isn't supposed to be more than a friend. He of all people shouldn't make her feel like this. But here she is, trembling and panting, aroused, and all this because of a kiss. He hasn't even really touched her except, hasn't started groping her like any other bloke she has been with in a slightly similar situation would've done. He just held her, keeping their bodies close together, but hasn't even tried to move his hands underneath her blouse.
It simply doesn't make any sense. He's the Doctor, he wants her as nothing more than a friend, just like the mere thought of 'mating' with him would've made her sick until very recently. But now their little experiment - their bizarre, crazy experiment - has gotten out of hand completely. He kissed her and she liked it, so much more than she has ever liked anything intimate, even though this was indeed completely innocent compared to what any other bloke would've done if he would've been in the Doctor's position.
Although he was the one who started all this and the kiss was until very recently something that she didn't plan to repeat under any circumstances, she isn't so reluctant any longer. Quite the opposite, in fact. Although she has had him now, in a way, she still wants him, again and again, and she wants more than kisses, so much more, but she can't because this is just a one time thing, because she's just Donna Noble, plain at the best of times, and he's the Doctor and...
And then she reaches for him, the blind desire to feel again what he just did stronger than anything else, even her wish to remain traveling with him forever and let nothing compromise it. But she wants him, needs him, even though she doesn't understand this at all, even though this is wrong and will ruin everything. It was just one kiss, they agreed about one single kiss, but he has proven his point and he has done so too well. Oh, she knows now what he tried to tell her earlier, is convinced now that kissing can indeed be as magical as he unsuccessfully tried to persuade her of before. At the same time she is intuitively aware that there's only one person who can make her feel like that, and that experiencing it once isn't enough.
Donna all but throws herself at him. She's still panting but there's nothing that can prevent her from seeking his lips once more. He falls over from the sudden impact but his arms lock around her waist anyway, even before both of them fall heavily on the couch, with her ending up sprawled on top of the Doctor. There is no awkwardness however when their lips meet again. Although the kiss that she initiates is messy and rather clumsy, as she doesn't know exactly just how to recreate the perfect kiss they just shared with the Doctor's surprisingly skillful guidance, it feels wonderful anyway.
But the kiss isn't the only thing that feels good. The sensations that are caused by their sudden physical closeness are rather remarkable as well. His hands end up on the small of her back this time, caressing her through the fabric of her clothing, something that too feels better than any touch of any bloke she has been with before, even though there are several layers of material between her skin and his hands. She has found those hands always quite elegant, but she will appreciate them in a whole new way from now on, knowing now what they can do to her - but that goes for all of him. It's not something she's considering in that very moment though. The only thing of importance that he's reciprocating with unbridled enthusiasm.
Donna has been traveling with the Doctor for quite a while now and thanks to him she has seen the most impossible and amazing things. But although it feels rather ungrateful to think so, she can't help but feel that the miracles of time and space that he has shown her so far pale in comparison to the wonderful things that are going on inside her because of him. And even though the mere thought of kissing him like this is totally ridiculous even now, she wishes now that it would go on forever.
She has no doubt however that he's only doing this to make her feel better. In spite of what he just told her, Donna is sure that he's only doing this for her sake and that he himself isn't enjoying this as much as she does at all. But this has happened already and she wouldn't be able to undo this even if she wanted to. If things are going to be awkward between them from now on, that's going to happen anyway. So she might as well fully enjoy this now that she has the chance.
So she kisses him until she's completely out of breath, familiarizing herself with the feeling of his lips and tongue against hers, trying to memorize the sweeps of his tongue and the pressure of his lips for future analysis. This process is a rather lengthy and ungrateful one because she is far too busy enjoying his kisses to find out how his mouth can make her feel so good.
Only when she starts to feel too dizzy to go on for even one more second, she breaks away from him, pushing herself up on her arms to distance herself slightly from him. Doing so is difficult, and not just because her entire body is far too content just staying very close to the Doctor. It seems like her being just refuses to get away from him now that it finally has found a place where it can't only fully relax, but also enjoy itself so completely. Donna fears however that she has by now gone far beyond the chance that the Doctor was offering her. The kiss has come to an end and no doubt the same goes for whatever it was that let her kiss him in the first place.
When she sits up, her movements rather clumsy now that their limbs are still lost in the world of bliss that he just introduced her to, she is not so sure any longer. There is an expression of pure delight on his face, his eyes glassy and slightly unfocused, and even in her clouded mind the thought that he actually seems to have been enjoying the kiss as much as she did after all is forming quite rapidly. She can only stare at him when he blinks slowly, looking like he's completely bewildered as well, but not with revulsion like she initially feared. And even though she doesn't want to notice it, at least not now, she can't help but appreciate the way he looks, his hair even messier than usual and an enraptured look on his face that she has never seen before - a look that she must've caused.
Words fail to describe what his touch has done to her, her entire body tingling and trembling deliciously in a way it has never done before, in a way she hasn't thought it could. The fact that the Doctor is the one who has somehow released this completely unfamiliar passion inside of her obviously only makes it only stranger.
It takes a lot of effort to actually get up again. It's not that she wants to move away from the Doctor - she'd actually love to remain lying on top of him like that - but she needs some space after what just had happened, and she is rather sure that this is especially the case for him.
Glancing at him, she notices that he is staring off into the distance before he finally focuses on her with some difficulty, an incredibly beautiful smile appearing on his face as he does so. She knows that she is in quite the same state; even if she is trying to deal with what just happened - and with whom - her body is completely relaxed, actually feeling rejuvenated somehow, and she is smiling like an idiot even though she still fears for the future between the Doctor and herself.
“You can do that anytime you want,” she says, his kiss having lowered her usual inhibitions quite a bit. The words are some of the truest she has ever said; although she hasn't quite forgotten that he is supposed to be no more than her alien best friend, her dear streak of nothing, there is something about the way he just made her feel that is more important than that, even though it'll doubtlessly never happen again.
Donna only realizes that she must've said that out loud when he looks at her with a gaze that sends desire coursing throughout her body all over again. For although it's impossibly unlikely, she knows on a very primal level that it it's indeed physical want that the Doctor makes her experience in a way no one has ever done before - by doing nothing more than kissing her. His kisses are very thorough, but still.
It's not the time to consider it. There's something about his eyes, so much darker than usual, an intensity that has never been there before, not even in the moments of ultimate danger or triumph that she has experienced on his side.
His almost black gaze alone is enough to make her move back, until she is lying fully on the couch. It's not fear that causes her to move - quite the opposite. She freely surrenders herself to him, heart beating wildly in anticipation of what he's going to do next.
The Doctor follows her, moving over her until he is hovering above her, resting his weight on his knees and elbows. Their chests are pressed lightly against one another and it takes a lot of willpower to prevent herself from grabbing him and pulling him firmly on top of her, wanting to find out how much more he can do to her, to what extent he can set her aflame.
She does nothing of the sort however as he trembles above her, reaching out with one hand to caress her face once more. The touch is light but it has her shivering once more as their eyes lock in silent understanding.
He kisses her again, the intimate caress lacking none of the delight and eagerness he expressed before, but being so much more tender.
They kiss slowly, almost leisurely, and she doesn't bother trying to contain the moans that he causes with almost every swipe of his tongue and every nip of his lips on hers. She hears his reaction to her and she savors the quiet grunts that she somehow gets out of him again. Although his body feels only slightly warmer than usual, still much cooler than her own, and she can feel the drum of his twin hearts against her chest as she focuses enough, he has never seemed more human to her.
His hands caresses her face as her fingers twine into his hair, pulling him closer, angling their heads until the kiss becomes even deeper, until he seems to reach to her very soul.
He lowers his body until he actually is on top of her and even before Lance she might've felt threatened by this sign of male dominance, but Donna doesn't feel intimidated at all. If anything, she finds herself entwining her legs with his own when he settles between her thighs, making himself more comfortable.
She would've actually wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer against that spot that's beginning to ache for him as well now, but even as he mesmerizes her with his kisses and caresses, with the feeling of his unexpectedly heavy and solid body on her own, there's always a part of her that remembers very well who exactly is touching her like this, that those kisses themselves are dangerous enough already, if only because they are so wonderful.
He is caressing her sides with careful but firm hands, still never actually moving underneath the fabric of her blouse or jeans. She isn't sure whether she is relieved by this or not; no matter how much she hates it when blokes try to cop a feel her while distracting her with a kiss, she can't help but think, even now, that it wouldn't actually be so bad if the Doctor would do just that.
But then he strokes her hips through the fabric of her clothing while brushing against her tongue with his own in a particularly delicious way, groaning her name into her mouth, and all form of coherent thought is rendered impossible. She can only speak for herself, but no matter how impossible it seemed to her until a very short while ago, everything about the way the Doctor is behaving now more than suggests that he likes this as much as she does.
Donna is becoming light-headed and it takes her another few almost delirious seconds to realize that it's actually the lack of air that makes her world spin this time. Vaguely recalling another advantage of the Doctor's body, she manages to move one hand between their bodies and push him away slightly, knowing that she has to breathe more than he does, no matter how much she'd like that kiss to continue for a very long time - if not forever.
His cheeks are unusually red when he gives her some space, his eyes still closed as he too gasps for air as soon as they break apart. Simultaneously realizing that they both are completely out of breath, they sit up again; he helps her getting up even as his eyes are still closed, as if he is kissing her in his mind even now, guiding her blindly into a sitting position.
For a long time, they just sit like that, on their knees on the couch, panting. She stares at him with complete disbelief, both of them having one hand on the head rest of the couch for support, in her case at least to make sure that she doesn't simply fall over due to the incredible sensation that still swirl deep within her.
“That was even better than I imagined,” he breathes at length, his eyes still closed.
Although Donna has been rather sure that her heartbeat couldn't possibly get any wilder after just having been kissed like that, she finds that it now actually feels as if the organ is going to hammer its way out of her chest.
The Doctor tenses, clearly not having intended to having that said out loud. But he has, and no matter the shock that his words causes for both of them, it's too late to take them back.
“Did you...”
Catching her breath is something that's nearly impossible as well after he just implied that today wasn't the first time that this has crossed his mind.
“Did you think about this?”
“Oh yes,” he says slowly, after a long moment of hesitation, brown eyes fluttering open at last. “I've been wondering about this for quite a while now.”
She shallows with difficulty, reminded of the words that he said right after she kissed him earlier today for the very first time, that he wanted to do that more often. Now she recalls that he only referred explicitly to the detox after a few long and very awkward seconds had passed.
“But you... you said...”
“I know,” he says quietly, his voice sad even as his eyes are still gleaming with something she hasn't seen there before. She is beginning to understand what she's actually seeing in those dark pools of emotion now, but it's something that she doesn't dare name - not yet, anyway. “Just friends, we were supposed to be no more than friends. I'm sorry, Donna. I promised that there'd be no 'mating'. Believe me, I didn't want to. I tried not to think of you that way - I really did. But things changed, and I...”
Even as she's trying to make sense of the words he's saying, she can't tear her gaze away from his face, taking in the seemingly endless depth of his eyes, that are expressing his feelings more clearly than his mouth this time.
“You were my best friend... you still are, but you've become so much more than that. I'm sorry, Donna.”
He breaks the eye contact and moves away from her. He all but collapses on the edge of the couch, as if he wants to distance himself from her and all the fire and life that he just showed is somehow drained from him. His enthusiasm and passion however is still very fresh in her mind, making her miss the physical contact even more.
But she can't let him go away from her before it's absolutely clear to her what's going on with him - what's going on between them. Although his words bewilder her, they don't shock her as much as she would've thought when someone would've told her recently that the Doctor apparently likes her as more than a friend.
“Spaceman,” she whispers, the affectionate nickname rolling off her tongue intuitively as she reaches for his hand and crosses some of the distance that he has created between them.
He doesn't pull his hand out of her grasp, although the way it trembles suggest that he is suppressing the urge to do so with quite some difficulty. He still refuses to look her in the eye and she feels that they can only continue this particular part of the conversation when he is ready to confront her openly with whatever it is that he feels for her now.
Although the mere thought of him cherishing anything more than friendship for her would've terrified her in the past, she can't help but be intrigued now. Whereas the idea that he actually sees her as more than a friend is still bizarre to her, she can't just dismiss it, nor would she want to.
“But what about the detox?” she asks, hoping that this related but relatively neutral topic will help him relax a little, knowing that the Time Lord has huge trouble expressing his feelings properly on a good day, and she doesn't even want to think of how difficult it is for him to voice his thoughts and emotions now that even she is having much difficulty doing so herself. “I kissed you because I was certain that you would be horrified by that, I couldn't think of anything that could shock you more. But apparently, you weren't that shocked at all then - but still, it worked!”
“That's because I was shocked,” he says after a long moment, “but not because I was 'horrified' as you say. Your kiss shocked me because I wanted it, but knew that it would never happen.”
Donna doesn't know what to think of that, only beginning to see how her own explanation of the effect of the kiss suits his initial reaction just as much as the real reason does, even though they couldn't differ more.
But the hand in hers relaxes slightly, and so does she as she notices this.
“Doctor...” she tries again, willing him to talk and moving slightly towards him with the hope that she can show him this way that she isn't afraid of whatever it is that he needs to say, that she isn't running away from him. “We can only get this out of the way if we both know what's going on here... between us.”
Especially the last word is a strange one given the context, but at the same time she can't help but like the sound of it. Only now she's beginning to see just how close the Doctor and she have grown throughout the past few months, that their hugs and banter - and not to mention the seemingly accidental and lingering touches - have been hinting at something more than friendship for much longer than either of them was willing to admit.
“On the day when we met again, when I... misunderstood you,” she says, recalling the moment during which she thought that he had said that he wanted to 'mate' with her, “what I said to you... it wasn't personal. I would've said it to anyone. Since Lance I haven't been with anyone. After what he did... I didn't trust men any longer.”
She looks at him, willing him to return her gaze, but he keeps staring at his right hand, that's still resting on the head rest, fingers digging into the couch. Although she wants to talk to him, she is temporarily relieved for the lasting silence; it gives her some time to think herself. Time that she needs indeed now that she begins to realize just how much the Doctor is filling the huge whole that was left in her life ever since the day of the failed wedding, during which she found out about her fiancé's true intentions. Ironically, the Time Lord himself was there on that day. Donna shivers a little, in a way that has nothing to do with the way the Doctor just made her feel, as she sees how everything that's happening between them now can be lead back to that fateful moment when she appeared in the TARDIS, in a wedding dress of all things.
“I trust you,” she continues, “with my life. After Lance, I was suspicious as soon as a man even looked at me for longer than a few seconds. But with you...”
She trails off, wondering if she can tell him that it's more than trust that she feels for him when he is as unresponsive as this, if she can open her heart to let out its secret, even as she isn't sure herself what she'll find if she'll be completely honest with both him and herself.
“Is it different with me?”
In any other situation she would've rolled her eyes at him because of the way he is looking at her at that moment, maybe even asking whether one of his previous incarnations actually has been a sweet, adorable and very sad puppy, but now she only finds herself melting when she looks into those kind, pleading eyes.
There's hope in his voice, but much more fear, as if he expects nothing but immediate rejection. She has never seen him like this before but now that she does, she's beginning to realize that he has been like this for quite some time, guarding his true feelings but incapable of hiding them from her completely. In retrospect, she wonders how it can be that she hasn't seen before just how much has changed between them, long before this particular evening, long before she thought of a kiss of all things to save his life, convinced that a kiss would be the last thing he would expect. She has been right, but in a way that is completely different than she thought.
“It is different,” she says at length, not sure how it actually is different with him, only that she indeed trusts him like she has never trusted a man, even now that he has revealed that his feelings for her are so much more than what she initially thought - and which actually was a condition for her to travel with him. Romantic complications were the last thing she wanted, but now that they just have experienced this and her entire being has been flooded with warmth and delight and love, she can't think of anything that's more natural and unexpectedly easy than the enjoyment they just shared by crossing that final border between them.
A burden seems to be taken off his shoulder as soon as he hears those words. The smile she is so familiar with returns to his face, although this smile is different from the one she sees so often now. It's more radiant, completely relaxed, making the Time Lord look like he's actually happy. She can't bring herself to tell him just yet that this doesn't mean that she actually loves him, or something as seemingly bizarre as that, only that she trusts him completely, even now, and that he indeed is somehow capable of making her feel like no one else has ever done.
He offers her his hand and she takes it with hardly any consideration, even though the gesture probably means now a different thing than before. She isn't worried about this at all however when he carefully pulls her closer to him once more. He only lets go off her hand when she is comfortably sitting on the couch again, leaning against him. The way they are sitting together doesn't differ all that much from the way they usually occupy the large couch together, but it's obvious that such things will never be the same again for them.
“How do you feel?”
Donna takes in a deep breath, but the extra oxygen in her system doesn't make it any easier for her to make sense of the thoughts and feelings that battle for domination within her. She only knows that she turns out to really, really like kissing the Doctor, but that knowledge alone is enough to turn her world completely upside down in a way that has nothing to do with the things she usually sees during his travels.
“Donna,” he says quickly, obviously thinking the worst when she doesn't answer his question immediately. “It's alright. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. This is not what we agreed upon when you started traveling with me and I know that. We can forget about this, pretend that it didn't happened. And... if that's not good enough, if I have ruined things between us, I can take you ba...”
“No,” she says, surprising both of them with the strength of her voice. But she can't stand hearing him say it, even if it's only a purely hypothetical situation. There's now way that she's going home, not because of something like this - not ever. The mere possibility of going back to her former life horrifies her. Not just because she would miss the excitement of her new life, but most of all because of him. She honestly wouldn't know what to do without the Doctor. And after what just happened between them, there's a whole new reason that she doesn't want to be separated from him.
Donna is beginning to see just how very fond she is of the Doctor, in a way that possibly goes beyond friendship, even before that rash kiss earlier that day and the much more determined intimacy that they just experienced.
She knows that she doesn't want to lose the Doctor, doesn't want to leave him, but except for that she can't make sense of her own feelings, the confusion that she's feeling even drowning out the sense of complete euphoria that he just caused with his kisses, never mind that he was the very last person who should be able to make her feel like that.
Not knowing what else to do, she decides to start at the beginning. Breathing in deeply once more, she hopes that she'll be able to tell him how she sees him now that everything between them has changed, even though she isn't even sure herself of her own feelings now.
“When I first met you... well.”
In spite of the situation, they smile at each other as they recall the moment several years ago in which she appeared inside the TARDIS, almost literally out of nowhere.
“You saved my life and you protected me, and I was grateful for that, of course. But you terrified me. What you did to the Empress and her children... I suppose you didn't have much of a choice, but it was horrifying.”
She feels almost guilty for saying this as she sees the expression of his regret on his face; although he may feel remorse for the way he killed the young Racnoss, it's obvious that he's mostly sorry for scaring her that day - of leaving without her after he brought her back home.
“I needed someone,” he says quietly. “I still do.”
Donna swallows with some difficulty, knowing that he's talking about her - and that he needs her in more ways than they initially thought. But as she considers her next words, she's beginning to feel that he's perhaps not the only one.
“And then you were gone, and it was a relief at first to have some normalcy back in my life, no alien spiders or Huon particles and all that. But then time moved on like it always did - my life went on like usual, as if nothing happened at all - and I realized I had made a huge mistake by turning down your offer. I began to look for you, and when I finally found you...”
They smile again as they recall that moment at the flight of stairs at the Adipose headquarters, the relief and sheer joy of having found him almost tangible even now. The smile fades from her face however when she is reminded of the way he held on to her then, clinging to her. She didn't think anything of it that day, never did, until now. She isn't sure whether he embraced her then with more than delight of meeting her again, but by now she's beginning to realize that she enjoyed being held like that by him on so many levels, even then. The thought of never experiencing that again, of never being in his arms again, is in a way more terrifying than seeing him slaughter the Racnoss.
“You're the best friend I've ever had,” she says, reaching for his hand, holding it tightly as soon as her fingers entwine with hers. “You're a streak of alien nothing, but... there's nowhere I'd rather be than with you. I don't ever want to leave you. I trust you, more than anyone. I...”
The realization hits her almost like a physical blow. It dawns on her exactly what she just almost said, how true the three words are even though she can't say them aloud just yet.
The Doctor is immediately aware of the shock that goes through her body. He moves closer to her, squeezing her hand as if trying to comfort her that way, even before knowing what's going on, the concern so very obvious in his eyes.
“I think I...”
Donna swallows again, her throat going completely dry as she's beginning to see just how much the Doctor has grown to mean to her - and how much more this is than she knew until a moment ago.
If there was any room for doubt about her feelings for him, it's gone when he pulls her closer to him, embracing her in a way that's so familiar and yet so new, hands caressing her back in calming patterns. The pressure of his palms and his quietly muttered words comforts her like they always do, but there's something different about the effect that he's having her, an affect that couldn't be any less calming. And yet, it's not upsetting at all, not in any way.
Now that he's closer to her she can reach for his face. And this is exactly what she does, caressing his pale skin as carefully as she can, something deep inside of her clenching with joy when she beholds his fluttering eyelashes, when she sees just how very beautiful he is.
“I like you more than I should,” she whispers, struggling to find words that can make clear to him that she somehow has come to love him as more than a friend without having to say the words that will make everything so much more complicated than it already is. “I...”
Thinking of a proper reply becomes even more difficult however when he beams at her, as if she has just made him the happiest man in the universe by implying that she likes him as more than a friend. Donna smiles back at him, feeling elated indeed when his grin too makes her feel in a way that it really shouldn't. For once, she won't need words to explain herself.
He reaches for her, the question clear in his eyes, and this time she doesn't hesitate at all when she moves towards him. There's only one way to get as close to him as she wants and although she totally forbade herself to do so only a short while, she is more than happy to straddle him now, her movements both careful and eager.
Both of them sigh when she settles herself against him, the hands that come to rest lightly on her hips only making her feel good. Whereas there have been many times that she scolded at him for accidentally touching her slightly inappropriately, she is only happy now that he is willing to touch her like this. No matter how his offer to prove to her that kissing doesn't have to be as unpleasant as what she experienced before initially upset her, she is now simply delighted that he could indeed persuade her in such an unconventional way. And now that she knows just how wonderful it is to connect with him on this whole new level, she is very glad indeed that this won't be the last time that they can explore each other like this.
Although she can't put into words yet just how much he has grown to mean to her and she isn't sure how it can be that the same happened to him, the kiss told them everything that they can't explain for themselves just yet. The mere thought of kissing him is still as bizarre as it was earlier that day, but that's not as important anymore as before. This still isn't making any sense to her, but that doesn't matter at all now that the complete enjoyment and excitement that kissing the Doctor causes isn't mixing with the self-doubt that she felt before any longer.
Donna isn't afraid anymore to just let go now that she's in this situation with him, giving in to the urge to be as close to him as she can be. She pointedly closes the distance between them, brushing her lips against his, her body moving sensually against him. The gasps and quiet moans that the kiss elicits from both of them only encourages her more, just like the way he is caressing her back with one hand while the other twines into her hair once more, keeping her face very close to his own.
They remain like that for a long time, kissing and touching, slowly familiarizing themselves with each other in this whole new way, in spite of their enthusiasm making sure not to go too far, both of them silently agreeing to take things slowly, not to ruin anything in haste now that they have just found this completely unexpected source of happiness.
When the kiss comes to an end at length, Donna sighs happily, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her forehead against his. She keeps caressing him, unable to take her hands off him, and he too keeps holding on to her tightly, fingers brushing reverently against her sides. She closes her eyes, wanting to savor this, wanting to save this memory for the rest of her life. The moment is important in so many ways, the changing point in her relationship with the Doctor, the day that he proved to her that physical intimacy can indeed be what she has secretly dreamed of for so long - and that he of all people can provide it.
“What will we do now?” she asks, slightly afraid of the answer even though neither of them can now doubt the feelings that they turn out to have for each other.
“It depends on what you want of course,” he replies, “but as far as I'm concerned, we'll find ourselves a new planet tomorrow. Something nice and quiet, no monsters, no running... just the two of us. Like... a date.”
He hesitates briefly at the last two words, as if he's still afraid to go too far. All evidence of uncertainty disappears from his face however when she smiles at him once more, delighted by his proposal. Although she loves the adventure and even the danger that usually accompanies them wherever they go, right now there's nothing she's more eager to explore than the relationship that appears to be blossoming between the Doctor and herself.
“It's a date-date,” she says, her smile only widening because of the bizarreness of it all, of actually saying those words to him and meaning them, of truly looking forward to go on an actual date with him, to get to know him in the only way she hasn't done so far already. And no matter how much she likes the incidental, more self-indulging side of their travels, the prospect of going on a date with him is more appealing than all futuristic shopping malls, alien spas and historical heroes combined.
“But first, you need to sleep,” he says, reluctantly removing himself from her. “It's been a long day and I know what humans are like.”
She whacks him playfully across the arm as he says this, too delighted by the teasing look on his face as he says this to react to him like she otherwise probably would've done.
Although going to sleep is one of the last things she wants to do now that they're sitting together like this near the hearth in the library, she know that he's right. She needs to rest in order to be able to fully enjoy tomorrow. And besides, the earlier she'll go to bed now, the sooner the next day will actually begin for her.
He's still smiling at her and she loves it, that beautiful smile of his now meaning even more than before. She stands up, to her delight and surprise swaying on her legs, as if they have actually gone weak with the sensations that the Doctor just caused. Aware of her sudden lack of control over her body, he quickly rises right beside her, supporting her. That doesn't make it any easier to stop grinning at him.
The Doctor takes her hand and although it's certainly not the first time that he does so, this gesture too means implies something completely different now. No matter how much she initially didn't want anything like this to happen, the innocent but slightly possessive touch feels completely natural and is more than welcome.
He guides her out of the library, back towards her room. When they reach the last junction, he lets go off her hand and gestures vaguely in the direction of the corridor that's leading to her bedroom. She is confused for a moment, but as she sees the hungry gaze in his eyes, Donna knows that he won't accompany her to the door, and the reason for this.
“I'll see you tomorrow,” she says, shivering a little when she can see clearly just how much he is tempted to go with her, that it is difficult for him too to say goodbye now but that it'll be impossible for him to do so if they get any closer to her room and the bed that's in it.
She loves having this influence on the man who just made her feel so incredible, but she can't stand the thought of being separated from him, even for such a relatively short period of time. It's for the best for them however and they both know it. They have known each other for quite some time, but never like this, and the discovery that he has fallen for her is still so strange, just like she is rather sure that it'll take her quite some time to get used to both his and her own changed feelings.
They have to take things slowly and she really doesn't mind that, but having him look at her like that, by now knowing what he can do to her, how wonderful he can make her feel, doesn't make it any easier to return to her room alone.
“Yes,” he replies, “Good night.”
They share one last goofy smile and then he walks away, almost as if this is just the end of any other day in which he bids her goodnight. But things between them will never be the same again and although the mere idea is utterly bizarre to her even now, she couldn't he happier.
Donna is relieved though that he is the one who turned away, for she is rather sure that she wouldn't have been able to do so herself. For this reason she doesn't regret that he doesn't give her the chance to bid him goodnight properly, walking away from her before she can do so.
Sighing deeply and trying to remove the huge and giddy grin from her face because it's making her feel rather foolish now that he is gone, she heads back for her room. It feels like she is floating instead of walking, the memories of the kisses that the Doctor and she shared just a moment ago making her feel as if her life actually has become a dream.
Closing the door behind her when she enters her room, Donna collapses on her bed, still smiling broadly. She just can't help it, the Doctor making her feel utterly happy even now that he's gone and she craves his presence in a way she has never longed for someone before. Thanks to the way he touched her and the things he said to her, she feels alive in a way that even the wonderful planets and creatures that he shows her on a regular basis don't make her feel.
Sleeping is going to be difficult now that she's so excited about what just happened between the Doctor and herself - and about what might take place tomorrow. She knows though that she has to sleep in order to get as ready for the next day - for their date - as she can be.
But for now, there's only one thing she can think of, only one thing she can do. Promising herself that she'll actually go to sleep as soon as she has slightly calmed down, Donna just makes herself comfortable, replaying tonight's events again and again in her mind and allowing herself to wonder about the next day to her heart's content.