are you just chinese?!?
relationships boggle my mind. i am always looking for the truth and generally relationships don't have many - save one: do you want to be with me or not?
tonight on the way to dinner felicia and i had a discussion about analytical reasoning and how it varies between cultures. in our chinese families, its difficult to get a straight answer out of anyone. we had to train ourselves to answer questions - the american way. i believe in this american way (but not all american ways).
i am a sick person. i am constantly trying to improve myself - cheaply. which means i muse on paradigms/theories/causal relationships and employ them in my own life to see if i can get the result i surmised. ive put in a good number of years training to answer questions and to not be satisfied unless my questions are answered.
so. when i am having a relationship issue and i launch a few well-thought-out questions at my boyf and he has no answers; i go insane. and tonight i wonder if its simply because he's chinese. how can every answer be "i don't know." i don't know how he doesnt go insane for not knowing. i always MUST know. i MUST know why i feel this and what led me to that and WHAT IM GOING TO DO NOW/IN THE FUTURE. its not that i don't recognize the fragility and chaos of life its that i recognize that to live a heroic life - you understand fragility and you put on a lie to move forward knowing its a lie. human existence is a lie - abuse it for what its got; be the best human you can be.
im not sure what he would say to that. i dont think he'd dismiss me but im not sure if it would shed any light either. in the end i know that our squabbles are typical ones but they drive me insane - WILL THERE EVER BE AN ANSWER?!?
tonight on the way to dinner felicia and i had a discussion about analytical reasoning and how it varies between cultures. in our chinese families, its difficult to get a straight answer out of anyone. we had to train ourselves to answer questions - the american way. i believe in this american way (but not all american ways).
i am a sick person. i am constantly trying to improve myself - cheaply. which means i muse on paradigms/theories/causal relationships and employ them in my own life to see if i can get the result i surmised. ive put in a good number of years training to answer questions and to not be satisfied unless my questions are answered.
so. when i am having a relationship issue and i launch a few well-thought-out questions at my boyf and he has no answers; i go insane. and tonight i wonder if its simply because he's chinese. how can every answer be "i don't know." i don't know how he doesnt go insane for not knowing. i always MUST know. i MUST know why i feel this and what led me to that and WHAT IM GOING TO DO NOW/IN THE FUTURE. its not that i don't recognize the fragility and chaos of life its that i recognize that to live a heroic life - you understand fragility and you put on a lie to move forward knowing its a lie. human existence is a lie - abuse it for what its got; be the best human you can be.
im not sure what he would say to that. i dont think he'd dismiss me but im not sure if it would shed any light either. in the end i know that our squabbles are typical ones but they drive me insane - WILL THERE EVER BE AN ANSWER?!?