i feel i should come back
it's been so long since i've written anything important in here.
it feels like there's so much i need to say and get out. i'm not sure if i'll leave this public or not, i have yet to decide. maybe some i will and some i won't.
life is such a beautiful mess
when i think about all the things that have happened since last may, i can't even say that i regret anything that happened. i don't know why any of this had to happen, but it did and nothing can change that. sometimes it hurts so bad and i don't know how to go on, but sometimes i am so filled with hope that everything will turn out ok. it's just constantly back and forth and i never know which side will win.
i guess this all came about because i was sitting online last night, myspace wasn't working, and i remembered brit saying that josh had a livejournal, and at the time i just really wasn't sure if i wanted to read it. i wasn't sure what was there. i wasn't sure if i could handle it at the time.
i didn't even know if i could find his journal, but i found it on the first try. so i sat there and read it. all of it. and yes it made me sad, but it gave me hope. he was such a strong person. it was like reading my own thoughts in someone elses words. we thought so much alike, there was so much we could have talked about. some of the things he said, were things that i had been trying so hard to put into words for so long. i'll pry paste some things over at some point, i couldn't do better if i tried.
i think that's all i will say for now. it still hurts alot to think about things. i wish there was a little brain switch, to switch the channel for awhile. but i don't necessarily want to stop thinking either. i don't want to miss out on things that i might think up or remember.
so yes. that is all for now. but i will be back.
~** Joshua Matthew Roe **~
~ 10/25/85-12/27/06 ~
it feels like there's so much i need to say and get out. i'm not sure if i'll leave this public or not, i have yet to decide. maybe some i will and some i won't.
life is such a beautiful mess
when i think about all the things that have happened since last may, i can't even say that i regret anything that happened. i don't know why any of this had to happen, but it did and nothing can change that. sometimes it hurts so bad and i don't know how to go on, but sometimes i am so filled with hope that everything will turn out ok. it's just constantly back and forth and i never know which side will win.
i guess this all came about because i was sitting online last night, myspace wasn't working, and i remembered brit saying that josh had a livejournal, and at the time i just really wasn't sure if i wanted to read it. i wasn't sure what was there. i wasn't sure if i could handle it at the time.
i didn't even know if i could find his journal, but i found it on the first try. so i sat there and read it. all of it. and yes it made me sad, but it gave me hope. he was such a strong person. it was like reading my own thoughts in someone elses words. we thought so much alike, there was so much we could have talked about. some of the things he said, were things that i had been trying so hard to put into words for so long. i'll pry paste some things over at some point, i couldn't do better if i tried.
i think that's all i will say for now. it still hurts alot to think about things. i wish there was a little brain switch, to switch the channel for awhile. but i don't necessarily want to stop thinking either. i don't want to miss out on things that i might think up or remember.
so yes. that is all for now. but i will be back.
~** Joshua Matthew Roe **~
~ 10/25/85-12/27/06 ~