(no subject)
I am very very tired of being asked if I've taken my "happy pills" every time I dare to show an emotion.
I don't know what's right anymore. When I was a child, I was essentially an emotional zombie. The only emotion I knew was deep depression.
Later, I learned how to cry, how to scream, to really laugh, how to have semi-rational conversations involving my emotions and my needs.
But still, it seems like there's this expectation--I'm on pills, therefore I will always be ok.
Maybe it was a joke, but it strikes a very sensitive nerve with me. It's extremely difficult to have ANY emotion besides generically happy when taking happy pills. My happiness is flat and uninteresting, and sadness is a general blah feeling. There is really nothing in-between.
I struggle a lot with knowing what is an appropriate emotion, because I don't feel things---or thanks to drugs and doctors I've somehow found out that the way I felt was not socially okay, and I have to try and learn something else.
I don't know what's right anymore. When I was a child, I was essentially an emotional zombie. The only emotion I knew was deep depression.
Later, I learned how to cry, how to scream, to really laugh, how to have semi-rational conversations involving my emotions and my needs.
But still, it seems like there's this expectation--I'm on pills, therefore I will always be ok.
Maybe it was a joke, but it strikes a very sensitive nerve with me. It's extremely difficult to have ANY emotion besides generically happy when taking happy pills. My happiness is flat and uninteresting, and sadness is a general blah feeling. There is really nothing in-between.
I struggle a lot with knowing what is an appropriate emotion, because I don't feel things---or thanks to drugs and doctors I've somehow found out that the way I felt was not socially okay, and I have to try and learn something else.