(no subject)
I had forgotten how much I love subways. There are no subways in Maine, which is unfortunate, as I would really enjoy riding on one more often. The closest one by far is in Boston, but I really hate the T. Clearly I need to spend more time in New York or London or DC. Maybe I could engineer newer, better subway cars or something. What would that be anyway, civil engineering? I hate how I equally enjoy the feeling of being somewhere big and being completely nowhere. Most people are smart enough to choose one or the other, but my brain is the one that wants a subway running out to Pleasant Mountain. This is kind of possible in the part of DC that my Aunt and Uncle live in (NW near the Maryland border off of MacArthur Boulevard) but DC in the summer is so completely oppressive that I don't think I could deal with it. Maybe, but it's doubtful.
I liked feeling independent and traveling on my own for once. My dad hasn't even let me drive down to Smith yet because he can drive faster than I can and is better at handling traffic. He doesn't seem to realize that the only way I'm going to learn how to drive in traffic is with some experience. Feeling like I can handle things fairly well on my own is so nice - I knew I didn't need someone to cook for me, or do my laundry, and now I know I can travel and make decisions and spend time in big places without needing all kinds of other people.
I wish I felt that I knew my own mind. I want things that are completely pointless to want, and that just feels idiotic. Then I think that I don't actually want those things at all - I just want them because I can't have them. But maybe I do want this and it's just unfortunate that I can't have it. I can hardly believe I'm putting so much time and thought and energy into something so futile; I guess that's just what limenence is.
I liked feeling independent and traveling on my own for once. My dad hasn't even let me drive down to Smith yet because he can drive faster than I can and is better at handling traffic. He doesn't seem to realize that the only way I'm going to learn how to drive in traffic is with some experience. Feeling like I can handle things fairly well on my own is so nice - I knew I didn't need someone to cook for me, or do my laundry, and now I know I can travel and make decisions and spend time in big places without needing all kinds of other people.
I wish I felt that I knew my own mind. I want things that are completely pointless to want, and that just feels idiotic. Then I think that I don't actually want those things at all - I just want them because I can't have them. But maybe I do want this and it's just unfortunate that I can't have it. I can hardly believe I'm putting so much time and thought and energy into something so futile; I guess that's just what limenence is.