The beginning of another lonely month...
I am a ghost...I am invisible...I am dead. Why have I made these choices? Was it right to leave all I had in search of all I wanted? Or did I just seek fulfillment in my career while sacrificing all those things that have always meant more to me...friendship, companionsip, romance. God...to feel what it feels like to hang out with someone, to laugh with someone, to hold someone, to kiss someone, to touch someone, to chill with someone, to be close to someone, to love someone, to be in love with someone, to have SOMEONE. I feel alone, and yet I know I'm not, but such is my curse...feeling nothingness when maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. People are nice enough, and complimentary enough, and supportive and loving enough...but no one calls, no one invites, no one visits, no one emails, no one writes...so it's hard not to feel alone. It's hard not to feel numb and hollow. Not all the time but enough that it matters; and I don't know what to do about it; and this fills me with sadness.