i am lost with out u
i have a proublem. i am one of thoes people who need other people like they are just not normal by them selves. it has a name i just dont know it, it the one where u get really emotinally attached to someone and u need them constally to survive. that sounds insaine but i am like that. I was super super happy like 30 min ago maybe less then i called bob who was having a crappy day which blows i feel bad for him because his day sounded like shit then he was all like i dont wanna get u depressed blah blah blah and i didnt think that would effect me at all but then i call nina - not home then chrystal- not picking up her cell then jordan - his dad needed the phone, eric- no ones home, jake- wanted to but he is NEVER home so why bother any more so ya then i donno i got really depressed and ya i am sota at that state right now its weird like i am happy to be alive but the fact of living a long boaring lonely sad life make not not want to. it really weird when i was in monterey i was allways happy i mean that maynot be true but i think for the most part it was and i honestly can rember most the reasons i cryed there like last year one of the biggest was nathan because when i was going out with him i was insaine i always thought he was cheating one me or about to dump me or some bull shit but mainly that was a very insucure time period i was actully very relived when he broke up with me its like when ure waiting for something for soo soo long like u know its going to happen but u just dont know when and the anntipation builds up till u cant stand it any more. another reason i always cryed was for the fact i was moving like really for mounths i cryed JUST because i was moving away from what i loved soo much. at the time i say i appricate everything around me but honetly i can appracite it so much more looking back on it rather then it happen all at once when u look back on things u relise how mush they shaped u as a person and how lucky u are to have known the people u knew. like i think back like nina chrystal jordan and chris sam and atia my 5 the five i have know sence the first week of sixth grade and i think about how much fun time commentment love honesty lies secreats heartbreeaks everything that has happend woth thoes five and i dont think, well i know i DEFENATLY woundnt be the same person if even one of thoes people were in my life. if u think about it i think friends have shaped u as a person and really not teachers parents school ure so called eduacation none of that really impacts u at all its more the people around u that help u get threw home work bad parents boyfriends i mean i know jordan has help me in school and really relising what i do is right or wrong he has opeaned my eyes up on certain subjects that i am usualy close minded and think what i think is the only right thing he has opeaned up my eyes and made me relize really that i was wrong or i should just see it threw a differnt perspective, nina with heartaches, boyfriends how to sort my life what life is really about nina really like with out her i dont think i would even really know myself she helped me relize more things about myself that i didnt even know atia with my parents because she just showed that she cared, chrystal threw everytime i am crying she doesnt just comfort me and sorta with out it whatever my crisis at the time maybe but with out even relizing it making me feel like some one does care about me and i can get threw that one little issue of whats going on at the time . everyone really i am soo soo thankful for just know them so thanks guys i really do love u alot and that was just the people i have know the longest i mean there are people like eric nathan kenji kaythryn so on who has like dont alot expecally eric and shit and jsut i love everry one soo much and like i really appracate the time i was in monterey and just really i belive when i was there that made such a big impact in my life . so ya right now i guess i am just really really missing all of u and cant waite to be home . i am in a really weird mood sorry i am like lonely sad depress happy confused dissapointed afriad scared worried sleepy tired appracative confused stressed pissed off and like pessimistic . ewww i really dont like it. i find the world a beautiful place but in it, it is so disucsting i am so lost yet i know where i am. dam i really dont like being like this its like i wanna excape but there no where to run i wanna hide but really i think i wanna jsut get away from my self....... help
* i am lost with out u *
* i am lost with out u *