tabula___rasa
They all walked around like life was the same. That she hadn't died to save me, throwing herself off that stupid tower. She was so stupid! Why couldn't she see that she meant more than I did? I should have gone, I should have jumped before she did. She meant more than I did, I'm not even real.
I don't talk much and I think they finally realize I'm not going to start. I don't feel like talking, I feel like going out and hitting something. Maybe one of them for even thinking I can pretend that everything is ok. I don't want to go live with Dad but I don't want to be here either.
I hate crying, it makes me feel weak, it makes me feel exactly how I felt when she started to run, exactly how I felt when I watched her fall, watched the life drain out of her. Helpless. She's the only one who ever made me feel better. I know I always gave her a hard time, and I had issues, but she was Buffy and Buffy was everything. Now vampires can run around and do whatever they want. Who is going to stop them? Me? I'm just a ball of energy dressed up to look like a 15 year old girl. I'm nothing.
I go to school, help out at the magick box. I do my homework and I sleep. I wear jeans to cover my pain, hide the lines. If Buffy were here she'd know something was wrong, she'd see through my lies when Willow asks why I don't wear that pretty skirt she got me last year. Then again if Buffy was here I wouldn't be hurting myself just to feel.
Maybe I'll stop breathing. Maybe its a Summers thing and none of us can be happy in heaven until we're together. But maybe they are happy and together, cause I'm not really a Summers.
I just want my sister back. I miss her so much and I feel like the pain will kill me. I heard you can't actually die from a broken heart, but most people don't believe in vampires and witches either. I know that's how I'm going to die. A Broken Heart.
I don't talk much and I think they finally realize I'm not going to start. I don't feel like talking, I feel like going out and hitting something. Maybe one of them for even thinking I can pretend that everything is ok. I don't want to go live with Dad but I don't want to be here either.
I hate crying, it makes me feel weak, it makes me feel exactly how I felt when she started to run, exactly how I felt when I watched her fall, watched the life drain out of her. Helpless. She's the only one who ever made me feel better. I know I always gave her a hard time, and I had issues, but she was Buffy and Buffy was everything. Now vampires can run around and do whatever they want. Who is going to stop them? Me? I'm just a ball of energy dressed up to look like a 15 year old girl. I'm nothing.
I go to school, help out at the magick box. I do my homework and I sleep. I wear jeans to cover my pain, hide the lines. If Buffy were here she'd know something was wrong, she'd see through my lies when Willow asks why I don't wear that pretty skirt she got me last year. Then again if Buffy was here I wouldn't be hurting myself just to feel.
Maybe I'll stop breathing. Maybe its a Summers thing and none of us can be happy in heaven until we're together. But maybe they are happy and together, cause I'm not really a Summers.
I just want my sister back. I miss her so much and I feel like the pain will kill me. I heard you can't actually die from a broken heart, but most people don't believe in vampires and witches either. I know that's how I'm going to die. A Broken Heart.