Teen Choice Awards
Okay, I admit it, I cannot look away from the train wreck that is KFed and Britbrit. This is why I voluntarily watched the world's worst-scripted, most poorly-delivered awards show evar. I knew there would be revelry in the craptasticness of KFed's performance.
Also I was hoping for a glimpse of Jensen and Jared, so there ya go. Red carpet stuff started at 7:30 and right off the bat there was a KFed sighting. I think a quick reenactment is in order:
Whatsisbutt host guy: Are you feeling the pressure of your first performance?
KFed: (greasily) No, uh, I don't feel pressure, I think of it as......as....energy! ARE YOU READY FOR ME, BABY?!!! FEDERATION RECORDS! YEAH!
::camera cuts away::
There was a Jensen sighting on the red carpet as well as CMM, but no sign of Jared.
Show starts off with the host wierdly inserted into PotC, only all of the 'jokes' were, in fact, real footage from the film. There were one or two not-at-all amusing joke-like things, such as the host asking the guy at the wheel to put on some speed because 'Wilmer is already there and if I don't get there soon he'll get all the booty.' Ha. Ha ha. Ha. :eyeroll: Then a pirate ship pulls onto the stage, host leaps off and says 'there's my treasure!' pointing to a big chest.
uschickens: $20 says Jessica's in the chest.
Host guy opens the chest and Jessica Simpson steps out. This set the stage for two hours with not one surprise. (And even less caring.)
Jared was one of the first presenters. There was a hot tub on the stage and three girls in bikinis spent 2 hours sitting in the hot tub. When he presented he was seated in a teeny tiny chair beside the hot tub and pretty much didn't interact with (and barely acknowledged) the girls. He looked like he'd folded himself up to a fraction of his size - quite amusing. Can't remember what award he presented or who won. Sadly, it was an utterly forgettable moment aside from the fact it was Jared! And he was clapping his gihugant man-paws! Yay!
Stuff happened. It was mostly awkward and phoned-in. On more than one occasion we turned to each other to say, 'uh...what just happened? Wait, are they trying to...oh! I think they're making a joke. Huh.' It was sad.
Jessica Alba rocks the house. She won for 'choice hottie' and when she got up to accept the award, who did she thank? She thanked her hair stylist and her make-up artist and her personal trainer. She thanked the woman who 'scrapes the crusty crap off my elbows and feet' and the photographers 'who have been air-brushing me for years.' That pretty much ruled.
Nelly Furtado made a totally random outta left field comment about 'using condoms,' which is a good sentiment but had nothing to do with anything at the time.
Jensen. Heeheeehee. He had the distinction of presenting the award for Best Grill. By which we mean 'random bling stuck to your teeth.' He pulled the paper out of the bottle, unrolled it, gave a quick 'ha!' of amused disbelief, quirked an eyebrow, smirked and finally read out the name (Brooke Hogan, Hulk Hogan's daughter). When she approached the podium he pretty much held the surfboard out at arms length and then beat a hasty retreat. I was quite entertained.
Britbrit showed up to introduce 'my man!' and looked like she might actually give birth on stage, holy cow. Last and possibly least was KFed's big moment. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. :breathes deep: God, that man is skeezy. What he is *not* is talented. The song was unremarkable at best. The performance was...well, the dancers were really quite talented and even cool. The Federline was painful to watch, what with my gigantic embarassment squick. I think he has no idea what a big ass he's making of himself. Ouch.
The one thing I *can* say is, at least KFed wasn't wearing a big purple clown ruff around his neck. Unlike Mischa Barton.
Which, right, I must back up. Best moment of the show: the presenter sits down next to Mischa Barton and says, very flirtatiously, 'there's something I've wanted to do to you since I first saw you on The OC.' and she sort of giggles and smiles and makes 'what's that?' type noises and the host roots around in his pocked, pulls out a plastic-wrapped sandwich and hands it to her. She looks surprised, recovers long enough to smile! a big fake smile! and then glare at him. Best part was when he explained what it was. 'It's a sandwich! Enjoy that.' and patted her on the knee.
Lordy. In short, the show was was boring with the occasional mildly interesting bit and the even less frequent (accidentally) amusing bit. Still worth it for Jensen's sneering.
Also I was hoping for a glimpse of Jensen and Jared, so there ya go. Red carpet stuff started at 7:30 and right off the bat there was a KFed sighting. I think a quick reenactment is in order:
Whatsisbutt host guy: Are you feeling the pressure of your first performance?
KFed: (greasily) No, uh, I don't feel pressure, I think of it as......as....energy! ARE YOU READY FOR ME, BABY?!!! FEDERATION RECORDS! YEAH!
::camera cuts away::
There was a Jensen sighting on the red carpet as well as CMM, but no sign of Jared.
Show starts off with the host wierdly inserted into PotC, only all of the 'jokes' were, in fact, real footage from the film. There were one or two not-at-all amusing joke-like things, such as the host asking the guy at the wheel to put on some speed because 'Wilmer is already there and if I don't get there soon he'll get all the booty.' Ha. Ha ha. Ha. :eyeroll: Then a pirate ship pulls onto the stage, host leaps off and says 'there's my treasure!' pointing to a big chest.
uschickens: $20 says Jessica's in the chest.
Host guy opens the chest and Jessica Simpson steps out. This set the stage for two hours with not one surprise. (And even less caring.)
Jared was one of the first presenters. There was a hot tub on the stage and three girls in bikinis spent 2 hours sitting in the hot tub. When he presented he was seated in a teeny tiny chair beside the hot tub and pretty much didn't interact with (and barely acknowledged) the girls. He looked like he'd folded himself up to a fraction of his size - quite amusing. Can't remember what award he presented or who won. Sadly, it was an utterly forgettable moment aside from the fact it was Jared! And he was clapping his gihugant man-paws! Yay!
Stuff happened. It was mostly awkward and phoned-in. On more than one occasion we turned to each other to say, 'uh...what just happened? Wait, are they trying to...oh! I think they're making a joke. Huh.' It was sad.
Jessica Alba rocks the house. She won for 'choice hottie' and when she got up to accept the award, who did she thank? She thanked her hair stylist and her make-up artist and her personal trainer. She thanked the woman who 'scrapes the crusty crap off my elbows and feet' and the photographers 'who have been air-brushing me for years.' That pretty much ruled.
Nelly Furtado made a totally random outta left field comment about 'using condoms,' which is a good sentiment but had nothing to do with anything at the time.
Jensen. Heeheeehee. He had the distinction of presenting the award for Best Grill. By which we mean 'random bling stuck to your teeth.' He pulled the paper out of the bottle, unrolled it, gave a quick 'ha!' of amused disbelief, quirked an eyebrow, smirked and finally read out the name (Brooke Hogan, Hulk Hogan's daughter). When she approached the podium he pretty much held the surfboard out at arms length and then beat a hasty retreat. I was quite entertained.
Britbrit showed up to introduce 'my man!' and looked like she might actually give birth on stage, holy cow. Last and possibly least was KFed's big moment. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. :breathes deep: God, that man is skeezy. What he is *not* is talented. The song was unremarkable at best. The performance was...well, the dancers were really quite talented and even cool. The Federline was painful to watch, what with my gigantic embarassment squick. I think he has no idea what a big ass he's making of himself. Ouch.
The one thing I *can* say is, at least KFed wasn't wearing a big purple clown ruff around his neck. Unlike Mischa Barton.
Which, right, I must back up. Best moment of the show: the presenter sits down next to Mischa Barton and says, very flirtatiously, 'there's something I've wanted to do to you since I first saw you on The OC.' and she sort of giggles and smiles and makes 'what's that?' type noises and the host roots around in his pocked, pulls out a plastic-wrapped sandwich and hands it to her. She looks surprised, recovers long enough to smile! a big fake smile! and then glare at him. Best part was when he explained what it was. 'It's a sandwich! Enjoy that.' and patted her on the knee.
Lordy. In short, the show was was boring with the occasional mildly interesting bit and the even less frequent (accidentally) amusing bit. Still worth it for Jensen's sneering.