I think too much
We're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. How else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing someboyd we've never even met?
When I start thinking is when I get in a horrible depressed mood. Like right now.
Maybe that's why some things just won't unclench themselves from my heart because I keep dwelling on things that I shouldn't.
Then again maybe I should dwell on them a little longer, and something good will come of it. Such as finding the answers to the questions I ask myself. Or possibly, waking up one day, to have discovered something new about myself, and being gracious that I have stumbled upon something magnificent or something horrible wrong.
What makes me different from anyone else really? I mean, we're all living. We all have our own personalities right? But who's to say that not half way across the world some person is growing up with my personality. I mean come on, there's so many people, we all have some of the same aspects do we not? What makes my combination so .. special?
And we're all living, toward an end. We're all dreaming of actually making a difference in the world, and rarely 2% make something of a difference. Less then half of us, will actually be written in text books, and the half of us, will not be remembered very well. Either it be, a face but not a name, or a name without a face. Or possibly in my case, I'd remember the smell of someone, and possibly their name or face.. but not both of the later.
So, exactly what am I living for? I haven't accomplished anything in my life. And at the rate I'm going, I'm not going to be able to make an impact on the world, so who's going to remember me? A few friends that I talk to for the rest of my life, my close family, until they pass on.. and then when those that have remembered me pass on, then who's left. No one. I will have been no one, so why can't I say I'm living my life in vain?
I'm not religious, so, please if you have something to say, keep it away from *You're living for God*.. because frankly, I am not. I am not one of *God's children*. You may think I am, and you can keep on believing what you will, I am not imposing anything on you, but I am not a firm believer in Jesus Christ and God and him being my saviour. Cuz.. quite frankly, he isn't. If he's even there.
So don't go all religious on me, or I shall go all whoop-ass on you. Okay, so say what you will, if you have anything to say at all, but to far warn you, You push you're believes on me damn it, I'll smack you. You can say I am a *child of God* and I'm his precious angel and someday I will be in his arms, but I won't believe you.
I just thought I'd give that to you. Because someone's bound to want to say something, and then I'll be even more in a horrible mood. Unless of course, you understand my beliefs and you know I won't smack you for suggesting what you will.. I know Andy's been about the only one that I've really actually talked about religion to soo, feel free to say what you want buddy... :/
I just don't see any point in really living.
I'm not going to go all psyhco bitch or anything, and I'm not planning on killing myself, because that's just stupid. Wasting a life, that could have some day been something big. Wasting away the memories that I could have made.. giving my body up to the earth. Giving up on me. I'd have given up on living for myself really.
But, living for myself. What's that exactly? I know I'm slightly answered my why should I live, why am I so different from anyone else question, but really .. living for myself. If I see no point in living, what's there in myself that I should be living for?
I live the same boring life, I'm sure half a million before me has lived. I'm sure that these thoughts that I'm writing half a million people have asked, but I just haven't found the answers yet.
Maybe, in some far future if I were to cut all life source from myself, I would alter some pre-destined plan or whatnot. The child that I could have possibly bore would have grown up to be the next mother teresa and saved half a million people from dying, then again, the child I bore could also end up being the next hitler. ..
what's the use? I'm going in circles really. I just don't see why, me of all people should continue living. Or heck no offense but why you of all people should be living still. What is going in your life that someone else hasn't lived thru, that someone else hasn't felt or done? Yeah, they haven't lived you're life, but heck, there isn't much that we could all have our very own life, and they'd be like a fingerprint, every single one be COMPLETELY different from the next. I mean seriously..
These thoughts I'm having.. are these mine? I've been raised in certain circumstances, beliefs of a society pushed upon my shoulders, I was raised as thought fit for a child to be raised. Yes, technically these are my thoughts, but I wouldn't have been able to have thought these thoughts had I not been raised to think this way. Or can someone actually raise a person to think the same way..?
My life's been planned out for me since I was born. .. except for the born part. I wasn't supposed to be, I was an accident really. Not that my mother didn't want me, but she never was supposed to have children.. and I wasn't .. planned.. I was let's say.. a forced accident.
But anywho. I was born, I was given a name, I was set to rules, I was set for an age schedule of development. I went to school, learned or had the oppertunity to absorb the same information as the next kid sitting next to me did. I was set age bearers for everything. Wake-up go to school, 16 get a license, get a job, .. go to college. What the crap? I was even given a name!! Did I chose that? No I was named like a freaking puppy dog you get at a pet store is named..
Like I said, I think too much, therefore I am depressed.
I just don't understand what's so special about me, that isn't special about someone else? Am I really that thrilling that I should live for .. an average of 80 years, fufill the same things in my life, that someone else already has, and then die, and be buried and forgotten, as someone else already has? .. what's the point. It's a vicious cycle.
We're all the same. Once in a while you will get a different model from the mold, but it isn't going to be me. I promise you that. If there's anything I ever promise something I can keep, it's going to be this one. Cuz I'm not special. I'm just like everyone else.. just like everyone else, trying to fit into a society that keeps on changing..
Why fit in? To be cool? .. Fitting in and be the same as everyone else isn't cool. That's just plain dumb, not only are we all the same with the life we're given, we've then placed ourselves into the norm of society, and not given air to breathe. But yet, I'm sure I've done sutpid things to fit in, because.. it's what everyone else is doing..
And if everyone were to jump off a bridge, would you?
Yeah, probably. Then there'd be nothing to live for.
When I start thinking is when I get in a horrible depressed mood. Like right now.
Maybe that's why some things just won't unclench themselves from my heart because I keep dwelling on things that I shouldn't.
Then again maybe I should dwell on them a little longer, and something good will come of it. Such as finding the answers to the questions I ask myself. Or possibly, waking up one day, to have discovered something new about myself, and being gracious that I have stumbled upon something magnificent or something horrible wrong.
What makes me different from anyone else really? I mean, we're all living. We all have our own personalities right? But who's to say that not half way across the world some person is growing up with my personality. I mean come on, there's so many people, we all have some of the same aspects do we not? What makes my combination so .. special?
And we're all living, toward an end. We're all dreaming of actually making a difference in the world, and rarely 2% make something of a difference. Less then half of us, will actually be written in text books, and the half of us, will not be remembered very well. Either it be, a face but not a name, or a name without a face. Or possibly in my case, I'd remember the smell of someone, and possibly their name or face.. but not both of the later.
So, exactly what am I living for? I haven't accomplished anything in my life. And at the rate I'm going, I'm not going to be able to make an impact on the world, so who's going to remember me? A few friends that I talk to for the rest of my life, my close family, until they pass on.. and then when those that have remembered me pass on, then who's left. No one. I will have been no one, so why can't I say I'm living my life in vain?
I'm not religious, so, please if you have something to say, keep it away from *You're living for God*.. because frankly, I am not. I am not one of *God's children*. You may think I am, and you can keep on believing what you will, I am not imposing anything on you, but I am not a firm believer in Jesus Christ and God and him being my saviour. Cuz.. quite frankly, he isn't. If he's even there.
So don't go all religious on me, or I shall go all whoop-ass on you. Okay, so say what you will, if you have anything to say at all, but to far warn you, You push you're believes on me damn it, I'll smack you. You can say I am a *child of God* and I'm his precious angel and someday I will be in his arms, but I won't believe you.
I just thought I'd give that to you. Because someone's bound to want to say something, and then I'll be even more in a horrible mood. Unless of course, you understand my beliefs and you know I won't smack you for suggesting what you will.. I know Andy's been about the only one that I've really actually talked about religion to soo, feel free to say what you want buddy... :/
I just don't see any point in really living.
I'm not going to go all psyhco bitch or anything, and I'm not planning on killing myself, because that's just stupid. Wasting a life, that could have some day been something big. Wasting away the memories that I could have made.. giving my body up to the earth. Giving up on me. I'd have given up on living for myself really.
But, living for myself. What's that exactly? I know I'm slightly answered my why should I live, why am I so different from anyone else question, but really .. living for myself. If I see no point in living, what's there in myself that I should be living for?
I live the same boring life, I'm sure half a million before me has lived. I'm sure that these thoughts that I'm writing half a million people have asked, but I just haven't found the answers yet.
Maybe, in some far future if I were to cut all life source from myself, I would alter some pre-destined plan or whatnot. The child that I could have possibly bore would have grown up to be the next mother teresa and saved half a million people from dying, then again, the child I bore could also end up being the next hitler. ..
what's the use? I'm going in circles really. I just don't see why, me of all people should continue living. Or heck no offense but why you of all people should be living still. What is going in your life that someone else hasn't lived thru, that someone else hasn't felt or done? Yeah, they haven't lived you're life, but heck, there isn't much that we could all have our very own life, and they'd be like a fingerprint, every single one be COMPLETELY different from the next. I mean seriously..
These thoughts I'm having.. are these mine? I've been raised in certain circumstances, beliefs of a society pushed upon my shoulders, I was raised as thought fit for a child to be raised. Yes, technically these are my thoughts, but I wouldn't have been able to have thought these thoughts had I not been raised to think this way. Or can someone actually raise a person to think the same way..?
My life's been planned out for me since I was born. .. except for the born part. I wasn't supposed to be, I was an accident really. Not that my mother didn't want me, but she never was supposed to have children.. and I wasn't .. planned.. I was let's say.. a forced accident.
But anywho. I was born, I was given a name, I was set to rules, I was set for an age schedule of development. I went to school, learned or had the oppertunity to absorb the same information as the next kid sitting next to me did. I was set age bearers for everything. Wake-up go to school, 16 get a license, get a job, .. go to college. What the crap? I was even given a name!! Did I chose that? No I was named like a freaking puppy dog you get at a pet store is named..
Like I said, I think too much, therefore I am depressed.
I just don't understand what's so special about me, that isn't special about someone else? Am I really that thrilling that I should live for .. an average of 80 years, fufill the same things in my life, that someone else already has, and then die, and be buried and forgotten, as someone else already has? .. what's the point. It's a vicious cycle.
We're all the same. Once in a while you will get a different model from the mold, but it isn't going to be me. I promise you that. If there's anything I ever promise something I can keep, it's going to be this one. Cuz I'm not special. I'm just like everyone else.. just like everyone else, trying to fit into a society that keeps on changing..
Why fit in? To be cool? .. Fitting in and be the same as everyone else isn't cool. That's just plain dumb, not only are we all the same with the life we're given, we've then placed ourselves into the norm of society, and not given air to breathe. But yet, I'm sure I've done sutpid things to fit in, because.. it's what everyone else is doing..
And if everyone were to jump off a bridge, would you?
Yeah, probably. Then there'd be nothing to live for.