(no subject)
hmm, haven't posted in awhile. Things are basically the same as they were last time I posted- mood generally on the upswing, although I've been doing some metta (lovingkindness) and compassion meditation daily for the past couple of weeks and that is bringing up some fairly intense emotions. I don't know if I've written here but it is extremely difficult for me to physically express strong emotion (especially sadness and tenderness) and the meditation is (unsurprisingly) bringing up a lot of those feelings. I also had a really intense therapy session yesterday where we dealt with some of that same stuff, so all in all I'm feeling pretty exposed and vulnerable emotionally right now. (It's even hard for me to write those words!) I'm just not sure how to deal with it yet and I'm finding myself slipping back into old negative habits and patterns- which to me means I probably need to sit with it all for awhile some more. I'm using a lot of my anxiety strategies at the moment, though.
The only other major thing is that I've been really lonely lately. I guess I never really realised how much I relied on LJ for social contact until I pulled back from it. I'm spending less time here mostly because I'm spending less time using the internet compulsively (did I not mention that? Let's just say that it was a problem) but the downside is that I seem to have lost touch with a lot of my friends in the computer. I miss you guys.
As for my non-psychological/spiritual life, (well, it's all the same life really but you know what I mean!) it's going okay. Here are some highlights:
- I've started the Society of Indexers distance learning training course, which I'm excited about- I have the day off on Friday and plan to spend a significant portion of it studying the first module.
- I learned last week that my job is definitely safe until April 2011 at the earliest- knowing the timescales of the NHS, more realistically until next summer. That's definitely a relief, although I still don't know whether I'll be able to keep my job through 2012!
- R and I are starting to prep for our Cornwall camping trip in earnest- we have procured a tent, ginormous backpack and sleeping bags/mats courtesy of a shopping trip to Go Outdoors last weekend. I'm starting to get *gasp* excited- I just hope it doesn't rain too much! We leave in 2.5 weeks :D
- It looks like I'm going to go the entirety of 2010 without seeing any of my family, which will be the first year that's happened since I moved here. After paying for ILR and citizenship R and I can't afford to go to the States, and my mum has used up all her holiday and air miles on multiple trips to Trinidad so my parents aren't coming here. Sigh.
Not terribly exciting stuff, but things are trucking along. Hope you are all doing well.
The only other major thing is that I've been really lonely lately. I guess I never really realised how much I relied on LJ for social contact until I pulled back from it. I'm spending less time here mostly because I'm spending less time using the internet compulsively (did I not mention that? Let's just say that it was a problem) but the downside is that I seem to have lost touch with a lot of my friends in the computer. I miss you guys.
As for my non-psychological/spiritual life, (well, it's all the same life really but you know what I mean!) it's going okay. Here are some highlights:
- I've started the Society of Indexers distance learning training course, which I'm excited about- I have the day off on Friday and plan to spend a significant portion of it studying the first module.
- I learned last week that my job is definitely safe until April 2011 at the earliest- knowing the timescales of the NHS, more realistically until next summer. That's definitely a relief, although I still don't know whether I'll be able to keep my job through 2012!
- R and I are starting to prep for our Cornwall camping trip in earnest- we have procured a tent, ginormous backpack and sleeping bags/mats courtesy of a shopping trip to Go Outdoors last weekend. I'm starting to get *gasp* excited- I just hope it doesn't rain too much! We leave in 2.5 weeks :D
- It looks like I'm going to go the entirety of 2010 without seeing any of my family, which will be the first year that's happened since I moved here. After paying for ILR and citizenship R and I can't afford to go to the States, and my mum has used up all her holiday and air miles on multiple trips to Trinidad so my parents aren't coming here. Sigh.
Not terribly exciting stuff, but things are trucking along. Hope you are all doing well.