Feral?

[anenome]

I sometimes worry about the unhealthy effects of my reclusive nature. Particularly on my ability to be happy existing with other people. I think my long distance relationships have been the only ones to keep my attention because they allow me to idealize people. I only see them in romantic spurts. The longing in between interactions makes touch euphoric. It lets me handle things in bite-sized pieces. It prolongs my passionate feelings while still giving me the space I need. My concern, though, is that my life will be defined by a series of obsessions. I don't really want to be alone, but I've got a feeling that it's the only way I can exist. It's the only way I've ever existed.

I don't know if I could sleep next to someone every night. I don't know if I could spend every day with someone. I don't know if I could make room for someone in my life decisions. All without feeling suffocated. People make me claustrophobic.

I feel like a feral human being. I'm not domesticated. I don't know how else to explain it.