Oh, wow. I'm feeling vicious tonight.

[anenko]

I'm trying to get my mind off of things with a bit of quick and dirty porn. Unfortunately, everything I'm currently writing insists on plot. I despair.

Instead of writing smut, I went off in search of reading material.

Comments

[tucuxi]

These are the same kinds of fic (often) that have angsty/suicidal characters, modern American music references and absolutely no concern for characterization.

Aka. "I'm writing Naruto fic, I swear, not auto-biographical fic!" or "I'm going to emotionally blackmail my readers into some kind of response so they HAVE TO comment!"

Or, I don't even know.

I just. People, sex does not have to be painful. Really, it doesn't. And if you have your characters insist on fucking dry and then tell me how painful it is, I'm not going to think "OH no, poor *insert character name here*" or "Wow, look how much they love each other, isn't this proof that A loves B, to volunteer for this much pain?" No. I'm going to think "Wow, author. You're an idiot."

[anenko]

I'd really liked the fic up until the sex scene.

There are so many ways for your characters to get off. Penetration isn't the be-all and end-all of sex. And if you truly believe that it is, you're the author--give the damned characters lube!

Not only does it make the character going through all that pain an idiot, but it makes the character on top. . . kinda creepy. I don't think I'd be able to continue if my partner were screaming and crying in pain. (Disclaimer: does not apply to all kinks.)

Hell, I'd rather have a fic where the characters think that soap or blood make good lube rather than agonizingly painful dry sex.

[tucuxi]

Unfortunate when something like that happens, isn't it, and a fic goes from "I'm having fun reading!" to "WTF?" in a moment.

I think some of the obsession with penetrative sex is a holdover from heterosexual sex. A lot of people don't consider anything short of penetrative sex "real" sex, so why would you stop short of the real thing, even if your bodies aren't quite built for it? I ♥ authors who write intercrural sex, and other non-penetrative sex. Because, really, the formulaic "one finger, two fingers, three fingers, cock" sex scene gets really old after a while.

If it's a kink thing, the pain, and it's well-written, that's one thing. But this kind of thing just makes me wince.

Of course, I always wince at soap, too. Haven't you ever had your mouth washed out with soap, dear soap-as-lube authors? It's not fun!

[anenko]

I wish there was more variety in het fic. Het fic is all about penetration, and it really doesn't have to be.

This is *fandom.* We're writing about ninjas, and mutants, and wizards. These characters could be having really awesome sexual encounters without laying a single hand on their partners!

I am amazed by the things fic authors use as lube. Vodka! Peanut butter! I wouldn't be remotely surprised if some dumb character used glue. There's an entire LJ community devoted to bad lube. I'm sure they see a lot of business.

[tucuxi]

But! But! If there's no penetration, it doesn't count! How can it be any fun, if it doesn't count?

These characters could be having really awesome sexual encounters without laying a single hand on their partners!
This. I vote for this!

... vodka. What part of OUCH did that author not understand? (Also, what part of "why waste vodka that way?") And peanut butter? Peanut oil, sure. But peanut butter has all those little grainy bits... I'm gonna stop thinking about that now. Ew.

Oh my god, can you see the crackfic where a couple uses glue by accident and has to go get it sorted out by a doctor? I would die laughing.

[anenko]

Right. And those previous orgasms? Totally not real.

I couldn't possible write a hands-off sex scene, but I'd read it in a heartbeat.

. . . I would also read the glue crackfic. Then again, I'm mean. I like fics where characters have funny/bad sex. (How do you know anenko wrote this story? Someone fell off the bed and sprained their back while having sex. Or possibly got hit by lightening.)

dangerprawn wrote a hysterical fic where K&I need emergency medial attention after using some kind of really, really spicy food as a sex toy. I should hunt down the link to that.

[tucuxi]

Totally, absolutely not real.

I'm not sure I could write it. But if this lit review keeps kicking my ass, I may take a stab at it for a break.

I have a soft spot for sex scenes where something goes wrong. It's like -- hey, guys, I get that fandom is for fun, and we all want things to go smoothly, but if anyone's sex life is that perfect, I think I sort of hate them a little bit inside. Where's the uncomfortable floor, or the tripping over your own feet or the non-simultaneous orgasms?

... it's right here. I'm not sure if I should be pleased or embarrassed that not only did I know which one you were talking about, I knew which page of which kink meme post it was on.

[anenko]

I'd love to see what you could come up with.

Depending on how it's handled, bad sex can still be really hot. I'm so desperate for you that I'm tripping over my own feet --> laughter --> groping, etc. Heh. I left a prompt asking for bad sex at the kink meme. (I'm telling you about all my anon prompts!)

Pleased is the best response, I think. I love that fic so much.

(What happened to dangerprawn? Her user name at ff.net redirects to a WhitenyRose.)

[tucuxi]

I sort of love it when there are moments of fail in the midst of a sex scene.

And, mm, that prompt is already on my to-write list. I'll just move it up a notch or two. :)

(I have no idea -- I didn't know it redirected on ff.net -- I just haven't seen her around for a while. I figured things got busy, but I really don't know...)

[anenko]

Fandom needs more bad sex. I had a blast writing my drunk!Kakashi fic because the sex was a dismal failure before it even started.

Woot! ♥

(I hope that she's okay. Fandom is so weird that way. You form fleeting relationships with other people, and then it's all over. A lot of the time, you don't even know what happened. *sigh*

I also hope that she didn't delete her account. Dangerprawn wrote a lot of fic that I love. The tentacle fic, the spanking fic, the kinky shopping series. . .)

[tucuxi]

And that one was absolutely hysterical to read, too. I ♥ it.

(Me too! Fandom can be really strange that way, when people move on to a different fandom, or different interests, or just sort of disappear with no explanation. Sometimes you can hang on and stay friends, but it's rare.

She hasn't deleted her LJ, but I don't spend much time at ff.net, so I don't know about there. The last public entry on her LJ is about getting into grad school, which makes me hope that she's just really busy? I dunno.)

[anenko]

I used to want to be a Serious Fic Writer. Writing dorky fic is so much more fun.

(You're probably right about her being busy. Funny porn is lower down the list of priorities than grad school.)

[tucuxi]

I ♥ dorky fic. I'm banging my head against a wall writing having a lot of fun writing dorky Skip Beat fic right now, though it keeps trying to grow a plot on me. I'm like "No! You're supposed to be about Kyoko being a klutz!" and it's all "But look, we can multitask and include lots of other characters and character development and the Love Me! Department and..." *facepalm*)

[anenko]

Skip Beat! fic. Oh, my. ♥

I love SB! because the plots are so dorky but the mangaka does manage to include so much character development. I am eagerly awaiting your fic--be it dorky or plotty.

[tucuxi]

I just remind myself: this is a fandom where little evil spirits strangling people is canon. It'll be fine. :)