(no subject)
So. It is officially 6:30pm Monday October 2nd 2007. I have to keep telling myself that over and over.
Friday, at around 4:30pm, my boss granted me to leave, head down to Biloxi, and be back in time for at least a LITTLE work Monday. So, 30 minutes later, Jess & I were on our way. The night before, I'd only had about 5 good hours of sleep....so yeah, drove all nite. Got in MS around 12:00pm (16 hrs). Surprised the heck outta my momma, cuz she didn't know I was coming! HAHA.
Went & saw Aubs & Jakeland & Kristy. Then went & saw Chris & Dawn & Ryan & Jon-jon...SOOO nice :) Went to dinner. Went home then, after almost 48 hrs w/ no sleep...and slept.
Church was nice the next day, though very odd not getting to see P. Murph. Got to see my Josh!!! I thought I'd squeeze him to death..... (how I miss him). Guess most everyone knows my news now...that I'm getting married next summer to my wonderful Steve! Everyone kept saying "soooooo I heard you are getting married!?!?" It was supposed to be a secret, but you know how THAT is.
Yesterday...yeah, last night. Probably one of the most difficult nights I've ever had in my life. What could possibly be said that could touch last night? From the start of this...its been completely surreal. As Pastor Dave said last night, he's waiting to wake up from a really bad dream...but he won't. I know so many others have so many more memories with Brendan than I did. I got the pleasure of watching him grow from an adorable 8 year old little boy into a handsome, funny, amazing, heartwarming guy. BRENDAN HAD HEART. It is always the guys that are really funny that are the most sensitive and caring. Anyone who really knew him, they knew that side of him. His ability to sit and have heart to hearts with you for hours. I was priveleged as an adult to get to lead him in leadership training. Its the same way I feel about everyone else...Peter, Tracy, Hannah, Heather, Michael, Jillian, Andy, Scott, Amanda, Josh, Jessica, Lindsey, Rhea...ect ect ect. That was something that Rick & I LOVED in our life at that time. I would always get frustrated, the prior substitute teacher in me, and feel like I was sometimes subbing (especially when Rick wasn't there). I remember once, I had everyone break off into groups, and everyone was cutting up & I started getting frustrated, but I couldn't. Do you know why? Brendan. He made me smile, even when I was anxious, or tired.....He always did that. That is something that someone who spoke last night said...you couldn't be mad at him! He was good (like we all are) at going and doing something dumb that he regretted, but as P. Dave said, he was always honest about things & didn't hide who he really was to those who were close w/ him. He loved his family more than anything! I am disapointed that I wont get to see him marry, or be a wonderful father. I guess that just wasn't God's plan.
Last night, I was blown away. I have been @ CLCA *until this past year* since I was 12. I have NEVER seen that many people in the building at one time. There was nowhere to sit! I felt such closure after everything. 4 straight hours of crying..and seeing beautiful memories on the screen. I am so proud of everyone who performed, talked, and just had the courage to be there for the Parrotts. They will know for the rest of their lives that their beautiful son had an impact on people. They will miss him everyday...but they will know that good came with bad.
I felt like we had a big flippin family reunion last night. I just wished that one more person could have been there....brendon. It sends me into a panic attack when I think about the fact that I will never see his face again. I will never hug him again or get him on the phone. He is not gone, he's just gone from our earthly lives for now. Living the rest of our lives without him will be....nothing short of hard....but we have someone watching over us. I am shocked, crushed, and still in complete disbelief. I thought I had closure last night, and driving at around 3am this morning, I realized that I was still in just as much complete disbelief as I was prior. Seeing his shell in a casket (that ....just didn't look like him) didn't make it any more real. I think we were all kinda waiting for him to pop out from around the corner.
But, while this chapter of Brendans life is over, please don't forget this. I hugged everyone ten times extra this past weekend. I told them I loved them more. I told them to be safe. I told them that I didn't ever want to have to do this again. If on July 2, 2006 I would have know that it would have been the last time I would have seen hiim...I would have hugged a lot longer than I did. Please don't let this go away like 911 did. Don't forget him.
Anyhoo, I've barfed & barfed on here about some of my feelings. I've officially been up, again, almost 48 hours..after driving back home for 20 hours. So I'm home guys.
Friday, at around 4:30pm, my boss granted me to leave, head down to Biloxi, and be back in time for at least a LITTLE work Monday. So, 30 minutes later, Jess & I were on our way. The night before, I'd only had about 5 good hours of sleep....so yeah, drove all nite. Got in MS around 12:00pm (16 hrs). Surprised the heck outta my momma, cuz she didn't know I was coming! HAHA.
Went & saw Aubs & Jakeland & Kristy. Then went & saw Chris & Dawn & Ryan & Jon-jon...SOOO nice :) Went to dinner. Went home then, after almost 48 hrs w/ no sleep...and slept.
Church was nice the next day, though very odd not getting to see P. Murph. Got to see my Josh!!! I thought I'd squeeze him to death..... (how I miss him). Guess most everyone knows my news now...that I'm getting married next summer to my wonderful Steve! Everyone kept saying "soooooo I heard you are getting married!?!?" It was supposed to be a secret, but you know how THAT is.
Yesterday...yeah, last night. Probably one of the most difficult nights I've ever had in my life. What could possibly be said that could touch last night? From the start of this...its been completely surreal. As Pastor Dave said last night, he's waiting to wake up from a really bad dream...but he won't. I know so many others have so many more memories with Brendan than I did. I got the pleasure of watching him grow from an adorable 8 year old little boy into a handsome, funny, amazing, heartwarming guy. BRENDAN HAD HEART. It is always the guys that are really funny that are the most sensitive and caring. Anyone who really knew him, they knew that side of him. His ability to sit and have heart to hearts with you for hours. I was priveleged as an adult to get to lead him in leadership training. Its the same way I feel about everyone else...Peter, Tracy, Hannah, Heather, Michael, Jillian, Andy, Scott, Amanda, Josh, Jessica, Lindsey, Rhea...ect ect ect. That was something that Rick & I LOVED in our life at that time. I would always get frustrated, the prior substitute teacher in me, and feel like I was sometimes subbing (especially when Rick wasn't there). I remember once, I had everyone break off into groups, and everyone was cutting up & I started getting frustrated, but I couldn't. Do you know why? Brendan. He made me smile, even when I was anxious, or tired.....He always did that. That is something that someone who spoke last night said...you couldn't be mad at him! He was good (like we all are) at going and doing something dumb that he regretted, but as P. Dave said, he was always honest about things & didn't hide who he really was to those who were close w/ him. He loved his family more than anything! I am disapointed that I wont get to see him marry, or be a wonderful father. I guess that just wasn't God's plan.
Last night, I was blown away. I have been @ CLCA *until this past year* since I was 12. I have NEVER seen that many people in the building at one time. There was nowhere to sit! I felt such closure after everything. 4 straight hours of crying..and seeing beautiful memories on the screen. I am so proud of everyone who performed, talked, and just had the courage to be there for the Parrotts. They will know for the rest of their lives that their beautiful son had an impact on people. They will miss him everyday...but they will know that good came with bad.
I felt like we had a big flippin family reunion last night. I just wished that one more person could have been there....brendon. It sends me into a panic attack when I think about the fact that I will never see his face again. I will never hug him again or get him on the phone. He is not gone, he's just gone from our earthly lives for now. Living the rest of our lives without him will be....nothing short of hard....but we have someone watching over us. I am shocked, crushed, and still in complete disbelief. I thought I had closure last night, and driving at around 3am this morning, I realized that I was still in just as much complete disbelief as I was prior. Seeing his shell in a casket (that ....just didn't look like him) didn't make it any more real. I think we were all kinda waiting for him to pop out from around the corner.
But, while this chapter of Brendans life is over, please don't forget this. I hugged everyone ten times extra this past weekend. I told them I loved them more. I told them to be safe. I told them that I didn't ever want to have to do this again. If on July 2, 2006 I would have know that it would have been the last time I would have seen hiim...I would have hugged a lot longer than I did. Please don't let this go away like 911 did. Don't forget him.
Anyhoo, I've barfed & barfed on here about some of my feelings. I've officially been up, again, almost 48 hours..after driving back home for 20 hours. So I'm home guys.