the world is... tensioned sinews
Nothing is quite working the way it should. Gears clicking up, grinding up, fucking up, each other. I've filled my days, my nights, with every mix of happiness one might try: friends, hermitage, drink, smoke, inside, outside, and it seems one thing sticks true: it ain't enough, and God how I miss her. She doesn't even know, but I want to bawl like a punk, overwhelmed with gain and loss and grace and remorse. Everything.
I've half-tried looking for a job. There are possibilities, but really all I want is to hone my art(s): writing, poeting, guitarring, language, philosophy, not to mention these laxing muscles. I did 30+ pushups straight today, and Jackson and I ran about all evening yesterday, and me in heavy Winter boots, unable to match his stride almost at any point. Such is life.
We got Nerf guns, and also Hanes dark undershirts to bleach symbols on to. I put an om on the left shoulder of my grey one, and I think it turned out nicely. Had to make stencils, and learn how to play Sex and Candy with him, and wait. I was supposed to pick the shirt up this morning, but my time slot was limited and he was having a morning wank or something. I love that guy so much, man. No two ways about it. Wish he hadn't sent that text, of course. It makes me uneasy just after everything, and not to mention I have my own limitations either way. Nonetheless, sitting in my car, parked, yesterday, I told myself sternly several times: "Get the fuck over it." Or would "several times, sternly" sound better?
Anyway. Today. I tried to donate plasma, failed (low iron), stopped by Stan's cos he needs me to watch his cat, and he asked me to help him clean his place (for pay, of course). That took a moment or two, but then I was done, and he grabbed us dinner because I was starving, and now I'm home, having played Guitar Hero for the first time, though I bought it well over a month ago (visiting Miami and then GR got in the way). I just snapped harshly at Dani because she was being controlling of my positive listening or whatever that's callled as she told me a story. Shouldn't have snapped so much, but Jesus she's like an autistic kid sometimes, the way she needs to have everything just so or she'll get all wigged out about the smallest thing. Like me responding "uh-huh" at the end of a few sentences. I think I'll sleep beside her tonight, though. It's been a long time since we've done that.
Already getting tired, and that's okay. Told Stan I'd see him at noon tomorrow and help him clean some more. I'm gonna need a good strong meal in me and be ready for work, not to mention a shower is DEFINITELY in order. You don't even wanna know how long I've been wearing these undies. TMI, I know, but it's a fucking journal.
And that's pretty much where I am now.
I've half-tried looking for a job. There are possibilities, but really all I want is to hone my art(s): writing, poeting, guitarring, language, philosophy, not to mention these laxing muscles. I did 30+ pushups straight today, and Jackson and I ran about all evening yesterday, and me in heavy Winter boots, unable to match his stride almost at any point. Such is life.
We got Nerf guns, and also Hanes dark undershirts to bleach symbols on to. I put an om on the left shoulder of my grey one, and I think it turned out nicely. Had to make stencils, and learn how to play Sex and Candy with him, and wait. I was supposed to pick the shirt up this morning, but my time slot was limited and he was having a morning wank or something. I love that guy so much, man. No two ways about it. Wish he hadn't sent that text, of course. It makes me uneasy just after everything, and not to mention I have my own limitations either way. Nonetheless, sitting in my car, parked, yesterday, I told myself sternly several times: "Get the fuck over it." Or would "several times, sternly" sound better?
Anyway. Today. I tried to donate plasma, failed (low iron), stopped by Stan's cos he needs me to watch his cat, and he asked me to help him clean his place (for pay, of course). That took a moment or two, but then I was done, and he grabbed us dinner because I was starving, and now I'm home, having played Guitar Hero for the first time, though I bought it well over a month ago (visiting Miami and then GR got in the way). I just snapped harshly at Dani because she was being controlling of my positive listening or whatever that's callled as she told me a story. Shouldn't have snapped so much, but Jesus she's like an autistic kid sometimes, the way she needs to have everything just so or she'll get all wigged out about the smallest thing. Like me responding "uh-huh" at the end of a few sentences. I think I'll sleep beside her tonight, though. It's been a long time since we've done that.
Already getting tired, and that's okay. Told Stan I'd see him at noon tomorrow and help him clean some more. I'm gonna need a good strong meal in me and be ready for work, not to mention a shower is DEFINITELY in order. You don't even wanna know how long I've been wearing these undies. TMI, I know, but it's a fucking journal.
And that's pretty much where I am now.