awkward
so I just saw Erin in the halls of Gries. Not really a hall, but whatever. I accidentally brought up Leah, accidentally being because they broke up a few weeks ago. Well, turns out they're back together. I felt awkward about it, but it was funny on the whole for me cos Erin was saying she they're back together and they're just trying to spend less time together cos (this is where Leah entered the scene and walked behind Erin so Erin didn't notice) they drove each other crazy.
I got a chuckle out of that. I'm happy if they're happy, of course, but it was just one of those perfect moments.
Anyway.
Sociology is all over my brain. Gender, really. Sociology of gender. How and who would we be without sociology? I'm thrown off by how sexist I can be, toward men and women. I suppose many of us are. "Men are like this, women are like this."
As Danielle and I were stumbling home this Sunday at 5am, a fellow a half-block away hollered out to us, "Hey, girls, I'd like to fuck you!" Or something. It scared Dani. And of course, enraged me. At the same time, it saddened me. I apologized to her, and told her that because she is with me, she will have to worry about that more than if she were with a big man.
Otherwise, I've been contemplating an appropriate response to the harasser. I suppose appropriate depends upon what I would like my response to illicit.
I could get him angrier, and start a fight. That would be awesome, do dismantle his ego and build upon mine. It would be satisfying. That's easily done, as well, by calling him a dickless bastard, a cocksucker, a pussy bitch, whatever.
Or I could attempt to make him question his action. I figure reminding someone of their mother is a good way to do this. Ask him if his parents taught him any manners, or whether he'd talk to his mother like that.
I dunno.
Either way, when I'm walking around, I wonder at the souls of men. Women I know. I can put myself in the shoes of most women. Aside from those who injure their children, or continually consider themselves less... I dunno, I guess the latter gives me great room for error.
Either way, I have a greater tendency to consider men the evil in this world. It's the Knives in me. Some of them, many more than women (in my opinion) are the spiders of the world. Nonetheless, I've generalized far too much. Sure, the people who catcall and injure and maim are usually men. The people who offend me are most often men. But there are many who don't. The two men sitting in this room with me, I certainly believe that they would not engage in such behavior. I'm not sure.
My dad has this idea as well. When he and I had my coming out conversation, he told me that any man would be capable of pulling the trigger at me. That I threaten them because they don't know to relate to me as a man or a woman, that they think I'm invading their territory. Of course, this is bullshit. I know it is. But I suppose there's a living child in me that believes these nightmarish fairy tales. Psh. Who among humans should invoke fear in me? Not any group.
No group, that's for sure. Certain individuals, and certain individuals leading a group in front of me. But no group of individuals.
Their stocky struts, the larger shoes, facial hair and easy muscular growth, and the rigidity of the space in the crotch of their pants, what is my disgust to do with them? I suppose it's mine to own and conquer, a bad habit from childhood. It started with boys telling me I was inferior as a girl, my own father telling me so. But that's theirs to conquer. I should know it's bullshit, and the internalizations, my identifying with the oppressor is a cancer. I should rid myself of that, and my feelings that they are all one and the same.
There are plenty of women to look up to.
On a lighter note, it's 6 months tomorrow.
Spring sweet rhythm, dance in my head
And slip into my lover's hands
Kiss me won't you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth
Dont be us too shy
For knowing it's no big surprise
That I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you
O please Lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Together, share this smile
Lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Walk with me, walk with you
Hold my hands your hands
So much we have dreamed
And we were so much younger
Hard to explain that we are stronger
A million reasons life to deny
Let's toss them away
See you and me, we
Lay down look see
She and he
By my Lover's side
Together share this smile
Tell those tears to cry
Together share this smile
Lover lay down
Oh please, oh please
Lover lay down
Oh please Lover lay down
And you weep Lover lay down
Cause it's over Lover lay down
Say love, say love, say love, say love, say love
Could I love you
Could you love me
Darling, it's all the same
til we dance away
Chasing me all around
Leading me all around
Leading me all around in circles
Say.......
Alright. Tons of homework coming up. Let's get to't.
-P.S. Fuck you, Dad. Take a gender course.
I got a chuckle out of that. I'm happy if they're happy, of course, but it was just one of those perfect moments.
Anyway.
Sociology is all over my brain. Gender, really. Sociology of gender. How and who would we be without sociology? I'm thrown off by how sexist I can be, toward men and women. I suppose many of us are. "Men are like this, women are like this."
As Danielle and I were stumbling home this Sunday at 5am, a fellow a half-block away hollered out to us, "Hey, girls, I'd like to fuck you!" Or something. It scared Dani. And of course, enraged me. At the same time, it saddened me. I apologized to her, and told her that because she is with me, she will have to worry about that more than if she were with a big man.
Otherwise, I've been contemplating an appropriate response to the harasser. I suppose appropriate depends upon what I would like my response to illicit.
I could get him angrier, and start a fight. That would be awesome, do dismantle his ego and build upon mine. It would be satisfying. That's easily done, as well, by calling him a dickless bastard, a cocksucker, a pussy bitch, whatever.
Or I could attempt to make him question his action. I figure reminding someone of their mother is a good way to do this. Ask him if his parents taught him any manners, or whether he'd talk to his mother like that.
I dunno.
Either way, when I'm walking around, I wonder at the souls of men. Women I know. I can put myself in the shoes of most women. Aside from those who injure their children, or continually consider themselves less... I dunno, I guess the latter gives me great room for error.
Either way, I have a greater tendency to consider men the evil in this world. It's the Knives in me. Some of them, many more than women (in my opinion) are the spiders of the world. Nonetheless, I've generalized far too much. Sure, the people who catcall and injure and maim are usually men. The people who offend me are most often men. But there are many who don't. The two men sitting in this room with me, I certainly believe that they would not engage in such behavior. I'm not sure.
My dad has this idea as well. When he and I had my coming out conversation, he told me that any man would be capable of pulling the trigger at me. That I threaten them because they don't know to relate to me as a man or a woman, that they think I'm invading their territory. Of course, this is bullshit. I know it is. But I suppose there's a living child in me that believes these nightmarish fairy tales. Psh. Who among humans should invoke fear in me? Not any group.
No group, that's for sure. Certain individuals, and certain individuals leading a group in front of me. But no group of individuals.
Their stocky struts, the larger shoes, facial hair and easy muscular growth, and the rigidity of the space in the crotch of their pants, what is my disgust to do with them? I suppose it's mine to own and conquer, a bad habit from childhood. It started with boys telling me I was inferior as a girl, my own father telling me so. But that's theirs to conquer. I should know it's bullshit, and the internalizations, my identifying with the oppressor is a cancer. I should rid myself of that, and my feelings that they are all one and the same.
There are plenty of women to look up to.
On a lighter note, it's 6 months tomorrow.
Spring sweet rhythm, dance in my head
And slip into my lover's hands
Kiss me won't you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth
Dont be us too shy
For knowing it's no big surprise
That I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you
O please Lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Together, share this smile
Lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Walk with me, walk with you
Hold my hands your hands
So much we have dreamed
And we were so much younger
Hard to explain that we are stronger
A million reasons life to deny
Let's toss them away
See you and me, we
Lay down look see
She and he
By my Lover's side
Together share this smile
Tell those tears to cry
Together share this smile
Lover lay down
Oh please, oh please
Lover lay down
Oh please Lover lay down
And you weep Lover lay down
Cause it's over Lover lay down
Say love, say love, say love, say love, say love
Could I love you
Could you love me
Darling, it's all the same
til we dance away
Chasing me all around
Leading me all around
Leading me all around in circles
Say.......
Alright. Tons of homework coming up. Let's get to't.
-P.S. Fuck you, Dad. Take a gender course.