_Positive Discipline_ by Jane Nelson
The book is 30 years old, and you can tell. All the examples use surnames ("Mrs. Smith had the following problem with her son..." and not "Jane had the following problem with her son...").
In terms of its message, it matches with Kohn's _Unconditional Parenting_ fairly well, though the authors would have points to debate.
Her overall message is to treat children with respect and help them learn to responsible, considerate adults. Part of that is about understanding kid's true motives. She says that all misbehavior (as distinct from age-appropriate but socially unacceptable behavior) is the result of a discouraged child, and so proposes solutions that address the root problem. Part of it is including the kid in the solution to problems when reasonable.
She doesn't advocate some sort of child free-for-all, and even gives examples of parents who give too many choices to children. And she says, for example, that parents ought to never do something for a child if the child can do it for himself or herself. If your two-year-old can dress himself, he ought to do it, every day. Your three-year-old should be helping you cook breakfast, etc. (ETA:she doesn't say "every day", but the idea is that once kids are able to do a task for themselves, that should become the norm.)
On punishment, Nelson says it works short term, but not long term. It teaches the wrong things (encourages sneakiness, for example). A recurring phrase is "Where did we get the crazy idea that the way to make children do better is to make them feel worse?"
She has a big emphasis on family and class meetings as solutions, which I'm not sure I buy.
Overall, I found it a useful book, more useful than Kohn's, but perhaps less thought-provoking.
In terms of its message, it matches with Kohn's _Unconditional Parenting_ fairly well, though the authors would have points to debate.
Her overall message is to treat children with respect and help them learn to responsible, considerate adults. Part of that is about understanding kid's true motives. She says that all misbehavior (as distinct from age-appropriate but socially unacceptable behavior) is the result of a discouraged child, and so proposes solutions that address the root problem. Part of it is including the kid in the solution to problems when reasonable.
She doesn't advocate some sort of child free-for-all, and even gives examples of parents who give too many choices to children. And she says, for example, that parents ought to never do something for a child if the child can do it for himself or herself. If your two-year-old can dress himself, he ought to do it, every day. Your three-year-old should be helping you cook breakfast, etc. (ETA:she doesn't say "every day", but the idea is that once kids are able to do a task for themselves, that should become the norm.)
On punishment, Nelson says it works short term, but not long term. It teaches the wrong things (encourages sneakiness, for example). A recurring phrase is "Where did we get the crazy idea that the way to make children do better is to make them feel worse?"
She has a big emphasis on family and class meetings as solutions, which I'm not sure I buy.
Overall, I found it a useful book, more useful than Kohn's, but perhaps less thought-provoking.