I went to a baby shower today. Oddly, I think the shower wasn't so much for the guest of honor as it was for her mother and aunts. She also had a bridal shower that seemed similar
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Miss Manners would indeed say that hosting a shower for a close relative is definitely a very big no-no. It's hard to explain that to my aunts and grandma and so on, though. They're used to showers as events to get together the female side of the family and eat a lot. I tried to go into it back when a bridal shower was proposed, and I just ended up feeling like a spoilsport. The truth is, I think, my family members enjoy one another enough that they're always siezing upon excuses to get together.
As the aunts (and great-aunts, cousins, cousins-once-removed, and so on) pretty much only invite each other (and some very close family-friend "honorary aunt" types) to these things, I've stopped worrying too much about the propriety of it. My bridal shower was at my eldest paternal aunt's house. And for the baby shower I only murmured vaguely about it when my mom (the closest of close relatives, I'd say, since I have no sisters) offered to host (I think because her sister wanted to but gets tied up in knots of anxiety about organizing things).
There's just one very sticky point: whether to invite my own friends. At both showers, my aunts seemed to expect that I'd of course want to include some good female friends. I wanted to include my friends in the celebration, but I really didn't want to be hitting them up for a gift. But that's what you're doing if you invite someone to a "shower."
The obvious answer would be to throw a separate party myself, but the downside there is that my family enjoys seeing my friends, and I enjoy having my friends get to know my family. (Clearly, I am a subscriber to geek social fallacy #4.) Anyway, both for the bridal shower and for the baby shower, I ended up just hoping my friends would understand that I wasn't trying to charge them for my good fortune.
Luckily, two showers is, as far as I can see, the limit that could plausibly be thrown for someone, so this will never be an issue again.
Just to note, as one of those friends, I didn't feel charged. :)
(In fact, I probably would have gotten you the same stuff, anyway, I just wouldn't have had such a good chance to give it, and the tag would have said "John" as well as "Kris".)
I think, even after all yesterday's gifts, it's still the case that the vast majority of baby stuff in this apartment came from you and John (and Helen, of course). I would certainly hope you wouldn't feel like you were required to donate still more to this particular cause!
As the aunts (and great-aunts, cousins, cousins-once-removed, and so on) pretty much only invite each other (and some very close family-friend "honorary aunt" types) to these things, I've stopped worrying too much about the propriety of it. My bridal shower was at my eldest paternal aunt's house. And for the baby shower I only murmured vaguely about it when my mom (the closest of close relatives, I'd say, since I have no sisters) offered to host (I think because her sister wanted to but gets tied up in knots of anxiety about organizing things).
There's just one very sticky point: whether to invite my own friends. At both showers, my aunts seemed to expect that I'd of course want to include some good female friends. I wanted to include my friends in the celebration, but I really didn't want to be hitting them up for a gift. But that's what you're doing if you invite someone to a "shower."
The obvious answer would be to throw a separate party myself, but the downside there is that my family enjoys seeing my friends, and I enjoy having my friends get to know my family. (Clearly, I am a subscriber to geek social fallacy #4.) Anyway, both for the bridal shower and for the baby shower, I ended up just hoping my friends would understand that I wasn't trying to charge them for my good fortune.
Luckily, two showers is, as far as I can see, the limit that could plausibly be thrown for someone, so this will never be an issue again.
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(In fact, I probably would have gotten you the same stuff, anyway, I just wouldn't have had such a good chance to give it, and the tag would have said "John" as well as "Kris".)
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