Late night babbling?
Wandering around in bookstores is good for my soul. I have quite a few books to add to my list of things I want to read, now all I need to do is find the time for free-reading-hopefully this summer. I have to say that I find great ironies in what books are placed next to others because of the alphabetical listings in the fiction section. Overall, that was a well spent two hours tonight.
So, I thought I would actually attempt to write the post I meant to write like a week ago, especially since I can’t sleep. Over a week and a half ago, I turned 23. Birthdays tend to make me reflective, but this year I had extra things to think about. Quite a few of my friends, who either this year or previously, flipped out at turning 23, and it seemed more like a death sentence than anything else. I don’t understand why, 21 and 22 are not the last birthdays you are allowed to celebrate with enjoyment. Some seem to have felt they had failed at life by not doing more at 23 or it marks the end of being able to have fun.
I’m 23 years old, but I feel like I have so much ahead of me, and that life up to this point has barely been a beginning. Until I was 18, I was in a limited school environment that allows for some self-discovery, but really, I feel much of my high school life was only cursory. I will say high school feels so long ago, and I am happy to be far from that point. Whoever said high school years are the best years of your life-is a dirty liar. I loved college. I was able to pursue things I enjoyed and able to connect with people I otherwise would not have come across. I moved into my first apartment when I was 19, sophomore year, and that was a wise decision because I am not meant to live with another person in a 12 foot by 12 foot space, without my own kitchen. The trading of ideas that occurred on campus and off, I will always cherish. Almost being arrested for vandalism because I colored on the sidewalk with sidewalk chalk, that’s a story I will tell my nieces’ children. College was where I began to feel comfortable in my own skin. I may still be unsatisfied with my appearance at times, but I finally like myself for who I am as a person. Being able to say that after the several years of emotional abuse by my peers and certain family members-believe me that is a big step. I look back on the path I have taken, and I realize even my missteps that cost me dearly, are a part of what make me, me.
I’m 23 years old, and still in school, but I chose that because for what I decided to pursue, I need more than one degree to make me marketable. Hopefully being a “master” at something will be worth it in the end. I have found individuals here who provide very enlightening and interesting information, and being able to argue with someone for an hour about certain literary concepts is fulfilling on one level. I do wish the program provided more opportunities for that instead of grueling research sessions to produce papers. But, the program is what you make it, and I’m determined to make it satisfying. The past year or so has brought about many changes, but overall, they have all been for the positive, so I can’t really complain. One of the things that I have started doing, with the some of the best results, has been going to anime conventions. I have had so much fun on those weekends, and met some of the most amazing people-it really is an addiction. I’m trying my best to keep in contact with the people I meet because they all seem so interesting and different, and I want to get to know them better-I value good people a lot. Maybe it’s selfish, but I like to surround myself with interesting people, who help me in one way or another grow as an individual. I truly am a social creature. However, I still value my moments of solitude, which is probably why living by myself has never been a problem.
I realize I don’t feel 23. I don’t know what age I feel, but maybe it’s that I don’t feel confined by a number. My closest friends span anywhere from 21 to 40, and the closest ones are probably more in the 26 and upwards category, with a couple of exceptions. I am able to connect with these people, which I am thankful for everyday. I think it’s because when I was younger I felt like I related better to adults than my peers, who knows. My sister is twelve years older than I am, and we have never been closer than we are now. I cherish all my friends, because they are my extended family. They make up for the crappy half of my family that I will probably never really reconcile with. I realize my father and I have never had a relationship at all, and probably never will. The few attempts that I have made since my parents divorced have failed miserably, so I am finally coming to terms with the fact that my father will probably only remain an obligation to me-and little more than a stranger, and I’m okay with that. I tried, he didn’t, so the ball is no longer in my court. I have a wonderful mother and sister, who make up for the craptasm that is my dad. (If you have ever heard me tell stories of my dad, you know how bad he is, and if not ask me sometime and I’ll elaborate.)
As I embark on another year in life, I am thankful for all that I have and all I have become. I’ve almost died, I’ve almost been paralyzed, but I am still here and healthy. I am thankful for the knowledge I have learned thus far about life, people, and myself, and look forward to all that is ahead of me. I am thankful for my family, and my second family (all my friends out there). I don’t look at 23 as a door closing, I look at it as a door opening because there is still so much left for me to do, see, and accomplish.
As an endnote, I have to say having my wisdom teeth all ripped from my skull has been one of the best experiences for me because it allowed me to step back away from my work and actually think about things in my life without over-thinking them. I had once again let my work for classes consume me to where I was losing focus, and having to stop for the surgery, let me regroup. I raise a glass to being able to live another year and to all of the people who make my life worth living. Thanks. =)
So, I thought I would actually attempt to write the post I meant to write like a week ago, especially since I can’t sleep. Over a week and a half ago, I turned 23. Birthdays tend to make me reflective, but this year I had extra things to think about. Quite a few of my friends, who either this year or previously, flipped out at turning 23, and it seemed more like a death sentence than anything else. I don’t understand why, 21 and 22 are not the last birthdays you are allowed to celebrate with enjoyment. Some seem to have felt they had failed at life by not doing more at 23 or it marks the end of being able to have fun.
I’m 23 years old, but I feel like I have so much ahead of me, and that life up to this point has barely been a beginning. Until I was 18, I was in a limited school environment that allows for some self-discovery, but really, I feel much of my high school life was only cursory. I will say high school feels so long ago, and I am happy to be far from that point. Whoever said high school years are the best years of your life-is a dirty liar. I loved college. I was able to pursue things I enjoyed and able to connect with people I otherwise would not have come across. I moved into my first apartment when I was 19, sophomore year, and that was a wise decision because I am not meant to live with another person in a 12 foot by 12 foot space, without my own kitchen. The trading of ideas that occurred on campus and off, I will always cherish. Almost being arrested for vandalism because I colored on the sidewalk with sidewalk chalk, that’s a story I will tell my nieces’ children. College was where I began to feel comfortable in my own skin. I may still be unsatisfied with my appearance at times, but I finally like myself for who I am as a person. Being able to say that after the several years of emotional abuse by my peers and certain family members-believe me that is a big step. I look back on the path I have taken, and I realize even my missteps that cost me dearly, are a part of what make me, me.
I’m 23 years old, and still in school, but I chose that because for what I decided to pursue, I need more than one degree to make me marketable. Hopefully being a “master” at something will be worth it in the end. I have found individuals here who provide very enlightening and interesting information, and being able to argue with someone for an hour about certain literary concepts is fulfilling on one level. I do wish the program provided more opportunities for that instead of grueling research sessions to produce papers. But, the program is what you make it, and I’m determined to make it satisfying. The past year or so has brought about many changes, but overall, they have all been for the positive, so I can’t really complain. One of the things that I have started doing, with the some of the best results, has been going to anime conventions. I have had so much fun on those weekends, and met some of the most amazing people-it really is an addiction. I’m trying my best to keep in contact with the people I meet because they all seem so interesting and different, and I want to get to know them better-I value good people a lot. Maybe it’s selfish, but I like to surround myself with interesting people, who help me in one way or another grow as an individual. I truly am a social creature. However, I still value my moments of solitude, which is probably why living by myself has never been a problem.
I realize I don’t feel 23. I don’t know what age I feel, but maybe it’s that I don’t feel confined by a number. My closest friends span anywhere from 21 to 40, and the closest ones are probably more in the 26 and upwards category, with a couple of exceptions. I am able to connect with these people, which I am thankful for everyday. I think it’s because when I was younger I felt like I related better to adults than my peers, who knows. My sister is twelve years older than I am, and we have never been closer than we are now. I cherish all my friends, because they are my extended family. They make up for the crappy half of my family that I will probably never really reconcile with. I realize my father and I have never had a relationship at all, and probably never will. The few attempts that I have made since my parents divorced have failed miserably, so I am finally coming to terms with the fact that my father will probably only remain an obligation to me-and little more than a stranger, and I’m okay with that. I tried, he didn’t, so the ball is no longer in my court. I have a wonderful mother and sister, who make up for the craptasm that is my dad. (If you have ever heard me tell stories of my dad, you know how bad he is, and if not ask me sometime and I’ll elaborate.)
As I embark on another year in life, I am thankful for all that I have and all I have become. I’ve almost died, I’ve almost been paralyzed, but I am still here and healthy. I am thankful for the knowledge I have learned thus far about life, people, and myself, and look forward to all that is ahead of me. I am thankful for my family, and my second family (all my friends out there). I don’t look at 23 as a door closing, I look at it as a door opening because there is still so much left for me to do, see, and accomplish.
As an endnote, I have to say having my wisdom teeth all ripped from my skull has been one of the best experiences for me because it allowed me to step back away from my work and actually think about things in my life without over-thinking them. I had once again let my work for classes consume me to where I was losing focus, and having to stop for the surgery, let me regroup. I raise a glass to being able to live another year and to all of the people who make my life worth living. Thanks. =)