Back in the saddle again... (The XXL Version)
It's been an interesting month. A very challenging time, leaving me feeling completely deflated, but there have been surprising bright spots and support from points that I would have never expected. Things are slowly starting to feel better.
This is gonna get long so...
A couple of weeks ago, we found out that my father has skin cancer. The doctor removed a bunch of spots that had previously not been a concern and sent them off for a biopsy. They found that it "shouldn't" be agressive and he thinks that he got it all. However, it's something that is going to need to be monitored constantly. My sister and I have appointments with a dematologist to get checked out and determine our level of susceptability to it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we're more like my mother than my father in that respect.
Leave it to me to need to repllace nearly every piece of electronics I own almost immediately after I lose my job. I ended up having to replace my laptop four days after losing my job because the fan died and my motherboard partially melted. Then last week, during my last road trip, my blackberry (the old one that I started using after my old curve was stolen) started randomly rebooting itself every 15-20 minutes. Not good. To add to it, my bluetooth headset died. Whenever I turn it on, it sounds like feedback when you place a live mic too close to speakers that are turned on. Given the long road trips that I do, combined with the fact that I hate driving while holding on to something, this is also not good. So, I have a new blackberry, but I still have to replace the headset. It feels like I need to either win the lottery or find myself a sugar daddy.
I have a family that's, for the most part, very close on my mother's side. For as much as we can get on each other's nerves and press each other's buttons, we're there for each other. So, the last couple of weeks have been interesting...and not in a good way. My second cousin, who just turned 15 not too long ago, was all excited about her new (first) boyfriend back at Christmas. They had been dating since the fall. I remember the thrill that came along with my first boyfriend. He was my world for the three months that our relationship lasted and it was that young, puppy love that seems so sweet on the outside and consuming on the inside. We were so happy for her.
Three weeks ago, that puppy love turned into a nightmare for her. They were at her house after school, watching tv, when he stopped breathing. Nothing obvious happened to trigger it, his eyes just rolled back and his breathing and heart stopped. She phoned her mom in a panic and started CPR. Her mom called 911 while driving home. The paramedics came and took him to the hospital. He never regained consciousness. They did an autopsy, but didn't find any reason that his heart would have arrested. He died of natural causes at 15 years old. Jessie is understandably devastated.
How do you deal with a situation like this? We're doing everything we can to be there for her, but it's a situation that you would never expect. I hope that she will b able to eventually recover from the situation, but it's such a traumatic event... I hate feeling at such a loss.
I keep telling myself that I'll know I'm truly home when I've completely unpacked. I got home from Westport on December 23rd and I'm still not completely unpacked. In part, it's because I don't want to be. Also, in part, it's because I have been taking advantage of the fact that I have time off and a share in a ski house with a seasons pass. I've also been making tracks for job fairs in NYC and Boston with the hope of finding a company who will take a chance on sponsoring a Canadian in the current economic climate. I've been doing this enough that I've managed to suck a few unsuspecting victims into my madness.
My cousin Di has become my unemployment partner in crime. She was let go from her job as an editor and camera operator for a tv station in December, so we've been spending a lot of time together over the last while and we've become really close. It's been nice to have someone to go out for dinner with once a week or so. I have also been teaching her the ways of the random road trip. So far, the car has taken us out through the country for late night drives and talks and one weekend it even took us out to Point Pelee, which is the southernmost tip of Canada. Next week, she's going to join me on a long haul out to Boston for a career fair, followed by a ski week at the house in Vermont. We'll see how it goes! It's going to be really strange having company on a long haul.
This week has also brought me James' company! Last week, he decided to grab a last-minute flight deal and come on down for a week since he was being forced to take vacation before the month is out. So, he flew in yesterday and is here until Sunday. We're planning on a bus trip down to NYC Tuesday-Thursday, returning on Friday. Apparently he wants to see the city my way after "Tourism 101" with his family not too long ago. It should be fun!
I ended things with The Boy last week. It hurt to do so, but right now, it's definitely for the best.
We had a conversation a couple of weeks ago about the distance and uncertainty surrounding us right now. (Nutshell: it sucks) The conversation then moved to commitment (we don't have any and that's by design because I don't want to deal with long distance again) and the fact that he doesn't want to be my big reason for relocating. (I'm not about to pack up my life for a man...that would just be silly)
After that talk though, I was thinking about things and realized that these tenuous threads of "what might eventually happen" were causing more trouble than they're worth. He isn't handling it well and I don't want him to turn into a stressball because of me. So, when we met up for dinner last Tuesday (I stopped in after a NYC career fair that afternoon with the intention of driving to the ski house afterward), we talked it out and mutually came to the decision to drop the relationship. It sucks, but it feels like the right idea right now.
I got a phone call on Thursday from a friend of mine from the consulting company. Apparently, they're getting nasty. He was told a week ago on Friday that he was receiving a promotion and a raise. On Wednesday, they let him go. How horrible is that? Why would you do that to somebody?? I mean, I know that they're in trouble - they filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy three weeks ago - but where do you get off treating your employees like that?
Apparently the last month has seen the Toronto office reduced to a skeleton of what it used to be. It sounds like there are just enough people around to tie up all the loose ends before turning out the lights. And, if rumour is to be believed, my former Managing Director is getting ready to jump ship and join the Westport Hedge Fund as a full time employee. I don't know if there's substance to the rumour, but it would certainly be an interesting development... And something that I could surely see happening, given some of the conversations we had.
I've found that the job hunt has been going in fits and spurts. I know where I want to be and I know why I want to be there. I think my reasoning is solid, but I haven't really bounced it off of an impartial audience. So...my reasons for wanting to relocate:
1. I won't have to give up my dancing - I spent seven months busting my ass and training in NYC, just to come back to Toronto and find that I've outgrown my coach. The only coaches in TO who are at a level I would need only teach couples. I am obviously not a couple and because of the stigma surrounding pro/am competitors around here, finding a partner has been a three year exercise in futility so far. I absolutely love my dancing and it would kill me to have to give it up, but I can't justify the cost of lessons to not be able to utilize the training that I received in the states.
2. It's not here, and Toronto isn't far enough away - I got used to being on my own down in Westport and I loved it. Being back at home and accountable to people who still see me as something other than a capable adult has got me going nuts! If things don't work out with me heading to the US, then I'll look for work out in Alberta or BC, because then I'll be far enough away that there won't be as much control exercised over my life. There will still be the usual levels of disappointment in my life and the choices I make, but at least it won't be in my face all the time. C'est la vie and all that jazz.
3. Stonehenge and Killington - I don't think I've ever had a better ski season than I have this year. Buying the half share in the house up at K-Ton is the best purchase I've made in a long time. Not only have I been able to ski some fantastic terrain, but I've also met some amazing people. It's been an absolute blast! :-)
4. Boston Westies and Salseros - One of the project managers that I used to work with would make two or three weekend trips a month out to Boston, just to hit up the salsa and swing clubs. It was so much fun! I also took it as an opportunity to meet up with a few friends for dinner every once in a while.
5. The area is fantastic - I've been looking at apartments, condos and townhomes in the area and it's completely affordable! Even with what I was making at the consulting firm, I could easily afford this. It's also diverse enough that there is a ton of stuff to do. It's exciting to think about!
So that's my reasoning...what do you think? Does my hunt make sense?
I had a "to hell with it all" moment last night and I've come to the decision that I'm going to apply to the hedge fund in Westport. Potential awkwardness with the consulting firm be damned, I need to do what's best for me and I think that this is it. I've got more than just a foot in the door there, it's more like a leg. Given the current state of the economy, I think it's going to be my best shot at getting the sponsorship I need, and it will put me right where I want to be.
The hardest thing about all of this has been asking for help. I keep thinking that I should be handling all of this better than I am and that I should have a better grip on the situation. However, I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'm in a bad spot and I can't do it on my own. I will fight through it though and I will win.
Wish me luck!
This is gonna get long so...
A couple of weeks ago, we found out that my father has skin cancer. The doctor removed a bunch of spots that had previously not been a concern and sent them off for a biopsy. They found that it "shouldn't" be agressive and he thinks that he got it all. However, it's something that is going to need to be monitored constantly. My sister and I have appointments with a dematologist to get checked out and determine our level of susceptability to it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we're more like my mother than my father in that respect.
Leave it to me to need to repllace nearly every piece of electronics I own almost immediately after I lose my job. I ended up having to replace my laptop four days after losing my job because the fan died and my motherboard partially melted. Then last week, during my last road trip, my blackberry (the old one that I started using after my old curve was stolen) started randomly rebooting itself every 15-20 minutes. Not good. To add to it, my bluetooth headset died. Whenever I turn it on, it sounds like feedback when you place a live mic too close to speakers that are turned on. Given the long road trips that I do, combined with the fact that I hate driving while holding on to something, this is also not good. So, I have a new blackberry, but I still have to replace the headset. It feels like I need to either win the lottery or find myself a sugar daddy.
I have a family that's, for the most part, very close on my mother's side. For as much as we can get on each other's nerves and press each other's buttons, we're there for each other. So, the last couple of weeks have been interesting...and not in a good way. My second cousin, who just turned 15 not too long ago, was all excited about her new (first) boyfriend back at Christmas. They had been dating since the fall. I remember the thrill that came along with my first boyfriend. He was my world for the three months that our relationship lasted and it was that young, puppy love that seems so sweet on the outside and consuming on the inside. We were so happy for her.
Three weeks ago, that puppy love turned into a nightmare for her. They were at her house after school, watching tv, when he stopped breathing. Nothing obvious happened to trigger it, his eyes just rolled back and his breathing and heart stopped. She phoned her mom in a panic and started CPR. Her mom called 911 while driving home. The paramedics came and took him to the hospital. He never regained consciousness. They did an autopsy, but didn't find any reason that his heart would have arrested. He died of natural causes at 15 years old. Jessie is understandably devastated.
How do you deal with a situation like this? We're doing everything we can to be there for her, but it's a situation that you would never expect. I hope that she will b able to eventually recover from the situation, but it's such a traumatic event... I hate feeling at such a loss.
I keep telling myself that I'll know I'm truly home when I've completely unpacked. I got home from Westport on December 23rd and I'm still not completely unpacked. In part, it's because I don't want to be. Also, in part, it's because I have been taking advantage of the fact that I have time off and a share in a ski house with a seasons pass. I've also been making tracks for job fairs in NYC and Boston with the hope of finding a company who will take a chance on sponsoring a Canadian in the current economic climate. I've been doing this enough that I've managed to suck a few unsuspecting victims into my madness.
My cousin Di has become my unemployment partner in crime. She was let go from her job as an editor and camera operator for a tv station in December, so we've been spending a lot of time together over the last while and we've become really close. It's been nice to have someone to go out for dinner with once a week or so. I have also been teaching her the ways of the random road trip. So far, the car has taken us out through the country for late night drives and talks and one weekend it even took us out to Point Pelee, which is the southernmost tip of Canada. Next week, she's going to join me on a long haul out to Boston for a career fair, followed by a ski week at the house in Vermont. We'll see how it goes! It's going to be really strange having company on a long haul.
This week has also brought me James' company! Last week, he decided to grab a last-minute flight deal and come on down for a week since he was being forced to take vacation before the month is out. So, he flew in yesterday and is here until Sunday. We're planning on a bus trip down to NYC Tuesday-Thursday, returning on Friday. Apparently he wants to see the city my way after "Tourism 101" with his family not too long ago. It should be fun!
I ended things with The Boy last week. It hurt to do so, but right now, it's definitely for the best.
We had a conversation a couple of weeks ago about the distance and uncertainty surrounding us right now. (Nutshell: it sucks) The conversation then moved to commitment (we don't have any and that's by design because I don't want to deal with long distance again) and the fact that he doesn't want to be my big reason for relocating. (I'm not about to pack up my life for a man...that would just be silly)
After that talk though, I was thinking about things and realized that these tenuous threads of "what might eventually happen" were causing more trouble than they're worth. He isn't handling it well and I don't want him to turn into a stressball because of me. So, when we met up for dinner last Tuesday (I stopped in after a NYC career fair that afternoon with the intention of driving to the ski house afterward), we talked it out and mutually came to the decision to drop the relationship. It sucks, but it feels like the right idea right now.
I got a phone call on Thursday from a friend of mine from the consulting company. Apparently, they're getting nasty. He was told a week ago on Friday that he was receiving a promotion and a raise. On Wednesday, they let him go. How horrible is that? Why would you do that to somebody?? I mean, I know that they're in trouble - they filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy three weeks ago - but where do you get off treating your employees like that?
Apparently the last month has seen the Toronto office reduced to a skeleton of what it used to be. It sounds like there are just enough people around to tie up all the loose ends before turning out the lights. And, if rumour is to be believed, my former Managing Director is getting ready to jump ship and join the Westport Hedge Fund as a full time employee. I don't know if there's substance to the rumour, but it would certainly be an interesting development... And something that I could surely see happening, given some of the conversations we had.
I've found that the job hunt has been going in fits and spurts. I know where I want to be and I know why I want to be there. I think my reasoning is solid, but I haven't really bounced it off of an impartial audience. So...my reasons for wanting to relocate:
1. I won't have to give up my dancing - I spent seven months busting my ass and training in NYC, just to come back to Toronto and find that I've outgrown my coach. The only coaches in TO who are at a level I would need only teach couples. I am obviously not a couple and because of the stigma surrounding pro/am competitors around here, finding a partner has been a three year exercise in futility so far. I absolutely love my dancing and it would kill me to have to give it up, but I can't justify the cost of lessons to not be able to utilize the training that I received in the states.
2. It's not here, and Toronto isn't far enough away - I got used to being on my own down in Westport and I loved it. Being back at home and accountable to people who still see me as something other than a capable adult has got me going nuts! If things don't work out with me heading to the US, then I'll look for work out in Alberta or BC, because then I'll be far enough away that there won't be as much control exercised over my life. There will still be the usual levels of disappointment in my life and the choices I make, but at least it won't be in my face all the time. C'est la vie and all that jazz.
3. Stonehenge and Killington - I don't think I've ever had a better ski season than I have this year. Buying the half share in the house up at K-Ton is the best purchase I've made in a long time. Not only have I been able to ski some fantastic terrain, but I've also met some amazing people. It's been an absolute blast! :-)
4. Boston Westies and Salseros - One of the project managers that I used to work with would make two or three weekend trips a month out to Boston, just to hit up the salsa and swing clubs. It was so much fun! I also took it as an opportunity to meet up with a few friends for dinner every once in a while.
5. The area is fantastic - I've been looking at apartments, condos and townhomes in the area and it's completely affordable! Even with what I was making at the consulting firm, I could easily afford this. It's also diverse enough that there is a ton of stuff to do. It's exciting to think about!
So that's my reasoning...what do you think? Does my hunt make sense?
I had a "to hell with it all" moment last night and I've come to the decision that I'm going to apply to the hedge fund in Westport. Potential awkwardness with the consulting firm be damned, I need to do what's best for me and I think that this is it. I've got more than just a foot in the door there, it's more like a leg. Given the current state of the economy, I think it's going to be my best shot at getting the sponsorship I need, and it will put me right where I want to be.
The hardest thing about all of this has been asking for help. I keep thinking that I should be handling all of this better than I am and that I should have a better grip on the situation. However, I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'm in a bad spot and I can't do it on my own. I will fight through it though and I will win.
Wish me luck!