40
Yesterday I turned 40.
For many of my friends over the years, 40 has been this "finish line" of sorts -- an age by which they want to have accomplished X, Y, Z, or their entire bucket list (of "Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Turn 40").
I didn't make a list, nor did I make a promise to myself about anything in particular. I was too afraid I would fail. But there were definitely things floating around in the back of my brain that I hoped to accomplish, and this seemed like a good time to take inventory.
So here are a few of the notable ones:
I have a beautiful family. Four children who are bright, engaging, personable, confident, and great to be with. I have experienced birth, both in the hospital and at home. I breastfed my children for long enough that I do not regret its ending. I have had my fill of my own babies and their needs. I'm now enjoying my preteens and teens and their needs. I am done having babies and know that one day I will be done with teens as well. I feel highly fulfilled in my parenting journey.
I am living securely in my "forever home," free to put down roots and paint lifelong hopes in. It's solid, sturdy, well built and well cared-for. My neighbors are the best. I live in town, but on a quiet street, and many things are walkable. I have a lovely little garden/yard where I can grow food and flowers and enjoy the peace that comes in a quiet, sunny outdoor corner. It is a great place to be. I know I can happily and comfortably live out my life here.
I've been able to implement some changes to my house and my life that support a decreased dependence on fossil fuels and a more sustainable post-Peak-Oil lifestyle. I am relieved to have been able to see those hopes become my reality.
My financial situation is on a more even keel than it has been in many years. Despite foreclosure and bankruptcy and previous long periods of unemployment, despite the ongoing challenges of homeschooling and working part-time, despite the difficult economy and rising inflation, I'm holding my own. I live comfortably, albeit quite frugally. I can generally pay my bills on time. I do not feel materially deprived. I appreciate what I have and I am mostly not afraid of the financial unknown.
I have learned to play the hammered dulcimer and the fiddle and to sing traditional music. And not only that, but I can play with the "big kids" and have made a comfortable place for myself in our local folk music community. I have fostered a love of music in my children and built a family culture where we can all enjoy music together. I have created opportunities for myself to grow and play and enjoy music on my own as well. I'm enjoying and sharing my gifts.
I'm able to support my kids in following their passions, and they are growing and thriving in a beautiful and healthy way. I am privileged to be a part of their journeys.
I have experienced long-term marriage and some of the conveniences and benefits that go along with it. I've had my fill of that, and it's nice to have it behind me. I have learned from the experience of sharing a life partnership, although truncated.
And I have been extricated from my marriage, and with that, from many of the things I didn't like about my life prior to that event. Despite my sadness and shock, it has turned into a healthy situation for me. I appreciate being 100% on my own.
I joined a gym and I use it. My body is transforming and shrinking, slowly and reasonably, and I fully expect to reach a size/shape that I'm more comfortable with sometime in the next year or so. I've grown in relationship with my physical self.
I've successfully begun addressing my longstanding issues with food addiction and compulsive eating. I've kicked sugar, chocolate, and caffeine. I was on an antidepressant for awhile and I've kicked that, too. My overall health is good. I've developed a more compassionate understanding of my body.
I edited a published book, a longstanding goal of mine, and have enjoyed the online and print publication of my writing. I have a job I enjoy with a high degree of autonomy and flexibility. I am valued and am able to make a difference in the world through my work.
I'm popular! I have many, many friends in many circles, where I live and elsewhere. I enjoy the support of fabulous friends and I'm able to reciprocate. No small thing for someone who was unbearably bullied and ostracized as a child. I know I am loved and appreciated and admired and worthy.
I have loved and been hurt and been broken and healed and loved again. I know now that I am strong enough for that full circle.
I have a beautiful relationship with my parents and sisters. I have come to relate to my parents as an adult, not just as a grown-up child, and I appreciate them very much as people, not just as parents I am obligated to honor. I am forever grateful for the unparalleled insight my sisters bring to my understanding of myself and my family. I am blessed by the ease of their presence in my life.
Also, I have a great cat. And a strong sense of intuition. And good judgment, and a gift for resourcefulness.
I love my life more than ever. So I think I'm spot on. I am "in the place just right." I am perfectly, exactly ready for 40 -- and beyond.
For many of my friends over the years, 40 has been this "finish line" of sorts -- an age by which they want to have accomplished X, Y, Z, or their entire bucket list (of "Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Turn 40").
I didn't make a list, nor did I make a promise to myself about anything in particular. I was too afraid I would fail. But there were definitely things floating around in the back of my brain that I hoped to accomplish, and this seemed like a good time to take inventory.
So here are a few of the notable ones:
I have a beautiful family. Four children who are bright, engaging, personable, confident, and great to be with. I have experienced birth, both in the hospital and at home. I breastfed my children for long enough that I do not regret its ending. I have had my fill of my own babies and their needs. I'm now enjoying my preteens and teens and their needs. I am done having babies and know that one day I will be done with teens as well. I feel highly fulfilled in my parenting journey.
I am living securely in my "forever home," free to put down roots and paint lifelong hopes in. It's solid, sturdy, well built and well cared-for. My neighbors are the best. I live in town, but on a quiet street, and many things are walkable. I have a lovely little garden/yard where I can grow food and flowers and enjoy the peace that comes in a quiet, sunny outdoor corner. It is a great place to be. I know I can happily and comfortably live out my life here.
I've been able to implement some changes to my house and my life that support a decreased dependence on fossil fuels and a more sustainable post-Peak-Oil lifestyle. I am relieved to have been able to see those hopes become my reality.
My financial situation is on a more even keel than it has been in many years. Despite foreclosure and bankruptcy and previous long periods of unemployment, despite the ongoing challenges of homeschooling and working part-time, despite the difficult economy and rising inflation, I'm holding my own. I live comfortably, albeit quite frugally. I can generally pay my bills on time. I do not feel materially deprived. I appreciate what I have and I am mostly not afraid of the financial unknown.
I have learned to play the hammered dulcimer and the fiddle and to sing traditional music. And not only that, but I can play with the "big kids" and have made a comfortable place for myself in our local folk music community. I have fostered a love of music in my children and built a family culture where we can all enjoy music together. I have created opportunities for myself to grow and play and enjoy music on my own as well. I'm enjoying and sharing my gifts.
I'm able to support my kids in following their passions, and they are growing and thriving in a beautiful and healthy way. I am privileged to be a part of their journeys.
I have experienced long-term marriage and some of the conveniences and benefits that go along with it. I've had my fill of that, and it's nice to have it behind me. I have learned from the experience of sharing a life partnership, although truncated.
And I have been extricated from my marriage, and with that, from many of the things I didn't like about my life prior to that event. Despite my sadness and shock, it has turned into a healthy situation for me. I appreciate being 100% on my own.
I joined a gym and I use it. My body is transforming and shrinking, slowly and reasonably, and I fully expect to reach a size/shape that I'm more comfortable with sometime in the next year or so. I've grown in relationship with my physical self.
I've successfully begun addressing my longstanding issues with food addiction and compulsive eating. I've kicked sugar, chocolate, and caffeine. I was on an antidepressant for awhile and I've kicked that, too. My overall health is good. I've developed a more compassionate understanding of my body.
I edited a published book, a longstanding goal of mine, and have enjoyed the online and print publication of my writing. I have a job I enjoy with a high degree of autonomy and flexibility. I am valued and am able to make a difference in the world through my work.
I'm popular! I have many, many friends in many circles, where I live and elsewhere. I enjoy the support of fabulous friends and I'm able to reciprocate. No small thing for someone who was unbearably bullied and ostracized as a child. I know I am loved and appreciated and admired and worthy.
I have loved and been hurt and been broken and healed and loved again. I know now that I am strong enough for that full circle.
I have a beautiful relationship with my parents and sisters. I have come to relate to my parents as an adult, not just as a grown-up child, and I appreciate them very much as people, not just as parents I am obligated to honor. I am forever grateful for the unparalleled insight my sisters bring to my understanding of myself and my family. I am blessed by the ease of their presence in my life.
Also, I have a great cat. And a strong sense of intuition. And good judgment, and a gift for resourcefulness.
I love my life more than ever. So I think I'm spot on. I am "in the place just right." I am perfectly, exactly ready for 40 -- and beyond.