my GOD! there's a city outside of here?!
It's 11:11, and it is here that I'm going to make my wish. I wish desperately that everyone would stop diagnosing me. My physical symptoms, my emotional state. All of that shit. It doesn't seem like I can get by a day where my parent's are like Kris! Do you smoke? Kris! Why are you doing this? All of a sudden they're so fucking interested in my god damn life. Never gave a fuck before, so I wish they could stay that way, cause I'm not in the mood for feeling it. I'm mildly burnt out. I have to start getting shit done. College Apps really. This time come November I'll be scott free. I'm pretty broke because I haven't been working because Coco doesn't really need me to work so I have the weekend off.
My friends are my family. As cliche as it sounds. I don't know what I would do right now with out them. They take such good care of me and I can't imagine my life without them. When I'm at home it's fine too, but I know that my parents don't really care TOO much about my life as long as I'm not fucking up. You know? I mean its amazing to find people who have a genuine interest in your life, and not because they have to either. Because they want to. Because they are truly interested in you. Those are friends. Those are my friends. That is how we roll.
On relationships. I really haven't been hooking up lately. I mean it sucks sometimes but I'd rather it that way. Hooking up is fun, don't get me wrong. I just feel like it's gotten old. For me anyway. I miss liking someone. Feeling genuine emotion for someone else. Perhaps that's why I still miss John. All the time. Cause I really did love him. I loved being with him and knowing that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else and that him holding me for this instant of time is perfection that I could be content with for the rest of my life. That's love. And it really sucks that I only really talk to him when I'm fucked up and have the guts to, but hey life right? I want him in my life. More importantly, I'm trying to have substantial feelings for someone just to prove to myself that I still can because I WANT to. You know? I mean I can just chill out for a while I guess. But having a b is always fun. To smile for no reason all the time because you can't help but think about them. The rush. Oh me Oh my. I'm not lonely though. I guess just chillen.
Field hockey. My coach hates me because I was out for a week. My bad. I was in the fucking hospital you acehole. Yesterday we lost 2-3 in overtime to the SAME team that we lost 3-4 in overtime too-Governor Livingston. Afterwards she made the whole team feel even more shittier. "Defense didn't do it's job but oh well." I was seriously tempted to approach her husband and ask him how he loves her. I can't imagine anyone truly loving this insanely strange woman. I can't fathom it. Basically I'm benching my senior year even though pre-illness I started and played the whole game previously. I wish I could cop out and quit so I could chill with awesome people every day but I'll wait until November. November will be better.
I still don't have my camera, but my sister picked me up last night when I was barely coherent, so maybe I won't punch her in the face. Erin Hahn is the funniest person at Sheep Meadow. She exclaimed, "My God! There's a city outside of here?" In a british accent while we were all just chilling. Haha it was hilarious. I love you b.
My friends are my family. As cliche as it sounds. I don't know what I would do right now with out them. They take such good care of me and I can't imagine my life without them. When I'm at home it's fine too, but I know that my parents don't really care TOO much about my life as long as I'm not fucking up. You know? I mean its amazing to find people who have a genuine interest in your life, and not because they have to either. Because they want to. Because they are truly interested in you. Those are friends. Those are my friends. That is how we roll.
On relationships. I really haven't been hooking up lately. I mean it sucks sometimes but I'd rather it that way. Hooking up is fun, don't get me wrong. I just feel like it's gotten old. For me anyway. I miss liking someone. Feeling genuine emotion for someone else. Perhaps that's why I still miss John. All the time. Cause I really did love him. I loved being with him and knowing that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else and that him holding me for this instant of time is perfection that I could be content with for the rest of my life. That's love. And it really sucks that I only really talk to him when I'm fucked up and have the guts to, but hey life right? I want him in my life. More importantly, I'm trying to have substantial feelings for someone just to prove to myself that I still can because I WANT to. You know? I mean I can just chill out for a while I guess. But having a b is always fun. To smile for no reason all the time because you can't help but think about them. The rush. Oh me Oh my. I'm not lonely though. I guess just chillen.
Field hockey. My coach hates me because I was out for a week. My bad. I was in the fucking hospital you acehole. Yesterday we lost 2-3 in overtime to the SAME team that we lost 3-4 in overtime too-Governor Livingston. Afterwards she made the whole team feel even more shittier. "Defense didn't do it's job but oh well." I was seriously tempted to approach her husband and ask him how he loves her. I can't imagine anyone truly loving this insanely strange woman. I can't fathom it. Basically I'm benching my senior year even though pre-illness I started and played the whole game previously. I wish I could cop out and quit so I could chill with awesome people every day but I'll wait until November. November will be better.
I still don't have my camera, but my sister picked me up last night when I was barely coherent, so maybe I won't punch her in the face. Erin Hahn is the funniest person at Sheep Meadow. She exclaimed, "My God! There's a city outside of here?" In a british accent while we were all just chilling. Haha it was hilarious. I love you b.