(no subject)
Title: Out of Reach
Fandom: Battle
Pairing: Taehwa/Chris, hints at Lio/Chris
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 601
Summary: To Taehwa he's always made him think of hearts and rainbows...
Disclaimer: Here if it's really needed.
Notes: Request from glonk who gave me the prompt 'What more is a rainbow than colors out of reach?' I don't know how i feel about this one it is more bad cheese than angst to me sorry bb. But i tried!
Chris's smile around everyone in public is bright, blinding, happy. Much like the boy always is, always able to cheer up anyone he's around with a flash of teeth and a giggle or two. To Taehwa he's always made him think of hearts and rainbows and all those happy, incredibly gay, things the boy seems to take such delight in.
And where they cheer everyone else around them up and give them a reason to keep working, Taehwa can't say the same for himself. He was never much a fan of rainbows and he hates the feeling that the younger boy's smiles give him as he glances over at him at fan meetings and interviews. Hates himself in that moment when all he wants to do is punch the boy in the face, wipe that smile off his face and leave to somewhere where it won't torment him the way it does.
The feelings that come from him in those moments have never been and never will be what Taehwa is all about. He's not bright and cheery, he's not constantly happy. He's not gay. He's the model of straight, an asshole, and usually will snap at anything that looks at him the wrong way. But those smiles make him warm inside, so warm it hurts and he doesn't want to look inside himself to figure out just why that is. He especially doesn't want the younger boy to know that his resolve might be chipping because he knows if the slightest little crack appears in his wall Chris will be right there with those smiles and hugs and soft words and anything else Taehwa might want from him. He knows he'd give it all for him.
And maybe that's why he keeps himself hidden away. Keeps his hoods up more and more and wears the sunglasses indoors all the time despite everyone's teasing comments on the subject. A dirty look, a well placed finger or a few words that sting leaving his own lips and do worse when he sees the looks they cause usually quiet anything. Because covered in this way he feels safer, an extra layer to keep in his hatred of everything that's threatening to bring everything crashing down around him. To keep in his hatred of Chris.
He really does hate him. With every thread of himself he hates him for the way he makes him feel and for having to struggle so hard to keep who he's always been intact. He hates him for loving him. But even more than that he hates himself for loving him back. It doesn't matter, though. No matter how much he tries Chris will never be as stubborn as Taehwa, he won't win. And Taehwa will feel a little better as the boy hurries out of his room, the look of hurt plain in his eyes and trying to hide the fact that he's going to cry. Again.
When he's alone again with his thoughts he can lay there in the quiet and pretend he doesn't feel the ache in his own chest at the muffled sobs from the next room or the dirty look he gets from Lio as he walks past his open door and shuts the one beside his quietly behind him. Again. He hopes secretly that he can help. That he can comfort the boy the way he can't. Because every time Chris leaves the hearts crack a little deeper, the rainbows dim a little further, and he knows that they're both sinking further and further away from anything that can be fixed.