(no subject)
My fellow citizens,
Hi. How's it going? You guys have a nice weekend? Cool, cool. Did you get a chance to go to the festival downtown? How are your families doing? Are you happy with your lives? Your jobs? Your friends? Your kids? Read any good books lately?
You seem a little uneasy. I'm guessing it was the rapid-fire interrogation I just put you through (though if you're reading this, you'll know that I'm at a disadvantage since you aren't there to answer the first question and help me steer the conversation into something more natural), you may want to know why I ask you questions about yourself when I speak to you. You may wonder why I should pry into things I really don't care about.
Here's the thing though. I kind of do. At least a part of me does. For better or worse, each of you represent a person with aspirations, insecurities, histories, and personality quirks just like me. I can appreciate the fact that other people have these things. And if they're taking the time to share them with me, all the better. Oh don't worry. This isn't a one-way street. I'll be happy to open up and tell you about myself if you seem curious enough or are willing to keep the conversation going long enough. Maybe you're just as curious about the people you meet as I am, and if not, you should be.
I think that's more or less what I'm getting at, readers. I'm addressing you hoping that we're both willing to try something that takes a lot of effort to do. Something that may go against some of our inner-workings. Something that's absolutely vital to our everyday existence, but is becoming harder and harder to do in this age of self-reliance. And that something is actually a pretty simple idea: Focus outward, not inward. Focus on the people around you and act on what they say, what they think, and what they feel. Resist the urge to fuss over how someone affects you and your needs. Instead, let yourself get into that person's head and be the kind of person they're willing to be around. Ask not what your country can do for you-...etc, etc. I think you get the idea. For some of you, the word "empathy" has probably already sprung to mind.
Now to some of you, empathy may seem like a bit of a soft word. A support-group word. A new-age word. A buzz-word for softening the stand you take. For others, it sounds like the most obvious sermon to the choir you've ever heard. An easy component of human nature. That one thing that separates the nice people from the assholes. "Empathy...of course! Duh!" I get it. Believe me, I was in the latter group for some time. Like many of the rest of you, it was clear as day to me that I was a nice guy who understood the importance of thinking of the other guy, not being selfish, all the important "nice guy" things.
But here's the thing, it's harder than it looks. The easiest thing in the world is to convince yourself you care and then spend every day of your life caught up in yourself. I've done this for years of my life. I've acted interested in a person while my brain fires up into overdrive, wondering what they think of me, how I can keep them interested, and what I can get them to do. I've used every bit of body language I could reasonably get across to let my boss know that working for her is a heavy cross that I bear as the Christ-like martyr that I am for this office. I've wondered why people aren't responding to my texts, even feeling affronted by it. I have felt owed something by other people all while complaining about what an entitled society we live in. I've been one of the most hypocritical "nice guys" in existence, and I know I'm not alone.
If any of you have been guilty of anything like this, don't worry. It's a normal part of the human condition. Especially in this day and age. Your Facebook account, your blogs, your Youtube videos, your Twitter feed...none of these things have caused your heightened sense of self-interest or your tendency to grandstand for an audience. That's been a part of our culture for ages, and is part of our natural identity stamp (Hell, I'm doing it right now! Addressing you as if you're the entire human race here to listen to me and even talking as if I have something profound and ground-breaking to share! What's that, if not an assumptive cry for attention?). More and more, we are cast as the stars of our own universe. We are assured that we are the good guys. The people who are meant to overcome our enemies and live happily ever after in the end. And while we don't necessarily have to eliminate that from our lives, we do need to understand that it's happening and it is affecting our interactions with everybody else.
Speaking as a hobbyist theater person, I've had a bit of experience in knowing the role I play. And if there's one thing I've learned to do gracefully it's come to terms with not being cast as the lead. Maybe I'm the supporting role. Maybe I'm part of the chorus. Maybe I'm one of those ensemble extras that plays multiple parts, none of whom have a name. In any case, I'm cast as a citizen of a universe that centers around someone else completely. What's my job? Well, it's not to steal the spotlight from them, but how to exist in their world in the best way possible. It's to know that the play sees the lead character as the star and act in a way that is best for the narrative.
My friends, I urge you to enthusiastically play supporting and ensemble roles in a few people's lives today. Remember that the people you meet also see themselves as the stars of their own plays. Their needs, emotions, gains, losses, and overall treatment are everything to them. Treat them in a way that is happy and helpful enough to them that they reach the final act in top form. That way the audience will applaud both of you at the curtain call. Do this often enough, and you'll be able to change out of your costume, wipe off your makeup, and get back out into the real world much more quickly and more often.
And for those of you that don't understand pretentious theater metaphor-ese, let's just leave it at this: Your ideal person is someone who pays attention to you, takes a personal interest in you, can be charming and entertaining no matter how moody or hideous you may be today, and can offer you help or insight without demanding anything back (because let's face it, you'll want to return the favor in any way you can, right?...Right!?). Remember that everyone you come into contact with probably feels the same way. Be the kind of person you want to meet, and you won't have to worry about meeting the right kind of people again.
Thanks for listening! If anyone wants to add anything, ask a question, or offer their own experiences to support or refute my little speech, don't be afraid. Remember, I'm listening!
Hi. How's it going? You guys have a nice weekend? Cool, cool. Did you get a chance to go to the festival downtown? How are your families doing? Are you happy with your lives? Your jobs? Your friends? Your kids? Read any good books lately?
You seem a little uneasy. I'm guessing it was the rapid-fire interrogation I just put you through (though if you're reading this, you'll know that I'm at a disadvantage since you aren't there to answer the first question and help me steer the conversation into something more natural), you may want to know why I ask you questions about yourself when I speak to you. You may wonder why I should pry into things I really don't care about.
Here's the thing though. I kind of do. At least a part of me does. For better or worse, each of you represent a person with aspirations, insecurities, histories, and personality quirks just like me. I can appreciate the fact that other people have these things. And if they're taking the time to share them with me, all the better. Oh don't worry. This isn't a one-way street. I'll be happy to open up and tell you about myself if you seem curious enough or are willing to keep the conversation going long enough. Maybe you're just as curious about the people you meet as I am, and if not, you should be.
I think that's more or less what I'm getting at, readers. I'm addressing you hoping that we're both willing to try something that takes a lot of effort to do. Something that may go against some of our inner-workings. Something that's absolutely vital to our everyday existence, but is becoming harder and harder to do in this age of self-reliance. And that something is actually a pretty simple idea: Focus outward, not inward. Focus on the people around you and act on what they say, what they think, and what they feel. Resist the urge to fuss over how someone affects you and your needs. Instead, let yourself get into that person's head and be the kind of person they're willing to be around. Ask not what your country can do for you-...etc, etc. I think you get the idea. For some of you, the word "empathy" has probably already sprung to mind.
Now to some of you, empathy may seem like a bit of a soft word. A support-group word. A new-age word. A buzz-word for softening the stand you take. For others, it sounds like the most obvious sermon to the choir you've ever heard. An easy component of human nature. That one thing that separates the nice people from the assholes. "Empathy...of course! Duh!" I get it. Believe me, I was in the latter group for some time. Like many of the rest of you, it was clear as day to me that I was a nice guy who understood the importance of thinking of the other guy, not being selfish, all the important "nice guy" things.
But here's the thing, it's harder than it looks. The easiest thing in the world is to convince yourself you care and then spend every day of your life caught up in yourself. I've done this for years of my life. I've acted interested in a person while my brain fires up into overdrive, wondering what they think of me, how I can keep them interested, and what I can get them to do. I've used every bit of body language I could reasonably get across to let my boss know that working for her is a heavy cross that I bear as the Christ-like martyr that I am for this office. I've wondered why people aren't responding to my texts, even feeling affronted by it. I have felt owed something by other people all while complaining about what an entitled society we live in. I've been one of the most hypocritical "nice guys" in existence, and I know I'm not alone.
If any of you have been guilty of anything like this, don't worry. It's a normal part of the human condition. Especially in this day and age. Your Facebook account, your blogs, your Youtube videos, your Twitter feed...none of these things have caused your heightened sense of self-interest or your tendency to grandstand for an audience. That's been a part of our culture for ages, and is part of our natural identity stamp (Hell, I'm doing it right now! Addressing you as if you're the entire human race here to listen to me and even talking as if I have something profound and ground-breaking to share! What's that, if not an assumptive cry for attention?). More and more, we are cast as the stars of our own universe. We are assured that we are the good guys. The people who are meant to overcome our enemies and live happily ever after in the end. And while we don't necessarily have to eliminate that from our lives, we do need to understand that it's happening and it is affecting our interactions with everybody else.
Speaking as a hobbyist theater person, I've had a bit of experience in knowing the role I play. And if there's one thing I've learned to do gracefully it's come to terms with not being cast as the lead. Maybe I'm the supporting role. Maybe I'm part of the chorus. Maybe I'm one of those ensemble extras that plays multiple parts, none of whom have a name. In any case, I'm cast as a citizen of a universe that centers around someone else completely. What's my job? Well, it's not to steal the spotlight from them, but how to exist in their world in the best way possible. It's to know that the play sees the lead character as the star and act in a way that is best for the narrative.
My friends, I urge you to enthusiastically play supporting and ensemble roles in a few people's lives today. Remember that the people you meet also see themselves as the stars of their own plays. Their needs, emotions, gains, losses, and overall treatment are everything to them. Treat them in a way that is happy and helpful enough to them that they reach the final act in top form. That way the audience will applaud both of you at the curtain call. Do this often enough, and you'll be able to change out of your costume, wipe off your makeup, and get back out into the real world much more quickly and more often.
And for those of you that don't understand pretentious theater metaphor-ese, let's just leave it at this: Your ideal person is someone who pays attention to you, takes a personal interest in you, can be charming and entertaining no matter how moody or hideous you may be today, and can offer you help or insight without demanding anything back (because let's face it, you'll want to return the favor in any way you can, right?...Right!?). Remember that everyone you come into contact with probably feels the same way. Be the kind of person you want to meet, and you won't have to worry about meeting the right kind of people again.
Thanks for listening! If anyone wants to add anything, ask a question, or offer their own experiences to support or refute my little speech, don't be afraid. Remember, I'm listening!