One month today...
She left me a month ago today.
I do not mean to focus on the subject, but after 10 years with a person, it's rather hard not to.
Tumultuous would be a good word to describe how things have been. The outpouring of love from my friends and family, near and far, has been a comfort, to put it mildly.
What have I decided to do? It's hard to say, honestly. On one hand, I yearn for the past that once made me so happy, and on the other, know that it's but a memory. One thing is clear: I must become a stronger person, for myself, for my son. Regardless of the future that lay ahead. For that very purpose, I've been pressing more into God, and exposing myself more to those who truly do love me, even if I can be a depressing wad of emotion from time to time.
It gets ever so slightly easier, bit by bit. There's a distant hope for the future, regardless of what it holds. Of course, it goes without saying that I wish to reconcile my marriage for the sake of my child... but it merits also saying that I do truly love her, and wish for nothing more than to be the support that she deserves, strong and able to provide for her needs - something I've been rather poor at accomplishing for quite some time now.
I recognize, in myself, the insecurities and anxieties that have driven me to poor judgement, and it's these very things that I intend to correct. It's not easy, and it's often hard to keep focus on my goals, given this situation, but I have no other choice. I'm no longer the impotent teenager who was once so easily grief-stricken. I have real concerns, real problems that must be dealt with. Not only for myself, but for those who love me as well. Self-validation is something that I not only deserve, but something required to move forward.
While the subject of my prayers are unwavering, I must consider all possibilities... painful as they may be. God guide me.
I do not mean to focus on the subject, but after 10 years with a person, it's rather hard not to.
Tumultuous would be a good word to describe how things have been. The outpouring of love from my friends and family, near and far, has been a comfort, to put it mildly.
What have I decided to do? It's hard to say, honestly. On one hand, I yearn for the past that once made me so happy, and on the other, know that it's but a memory. One thing is clear: I must become a stronger person, for myself, for my son. Regardless of the future that lay ahead. For that very purpose, I've been pressing more into God, and exposing myself more to those who truly do love me, even if I can be a depressing wad of emotion from time to time.
It gets ever so slightly easier, bit by bit. There's a distant hope for the future, regardless of what it holds. Of course, it goes without saying that I wish to reconcile my marriage for the sake of my child... but it merits also saying that I do truly love her, and wish for nothing more than to be the support that she deserves, strong and able to provide for her needs - something I've been rather poor at accomplishing for quite some time now.
I recognize, in myself, the insecurities and anxieties that have driven me to poor judgement, and it's these very things that I intend to correct. It's not easy, and it's often hard to keep focus on my goals, given this situation, but I have no other choice. I'm no longer the impotent teenager who was once so easily grief-stricken. I have real concerns, real problems that must be dealt with. Not only for myself, but for those who love me as well. Self-validation is something that I not only deserve, but something required to move forward.
While the subject of my prayers are unwavering, I must consider all possibilities... painful as they may be. God guide me.