Take all these stupid pills away
So if you have come this far in the journal you know I constantly complain about my panic attacks, high anxietty levels and the fact that I've got this awful lot of stuff bottled up called "emotions" that I haven't learned how to deal with thus far.
Yesterday I got a letter. It reads "salvation." No, not really. It's a registration form for this program called "Time to talk".
That instead of giving me pills and medication like my GP (General Practicioner / doctor) did, it will actually allow me to speak to a therapist and get help with what to do with all this luggage.
Other than that, I'm sitting in my shared room (me and Rodrigo are sharing a room again), listening to good old Hole and staring at the window. I like windows.I like the fact that I can see the sun outside and feel alive. I like the solitude and the quietness. Listening to the sound of my own voice.
Yesterday I went to a dinner party...but before we went to a clothes sale.
It was AMAZING...you know the kind of thing you see in the movies? People queueing to get discounted clothes? Yes it was like that...when I saw the place it was like a bunch of vultures fighting over a bunch of dead gazelles.
I left after drinking a paper cup of wine and a beer that was being offered for free...but without any clothes. I refuse to buy something for the price simply because it's good price but that I'd never wear. Oh well. After that I went to my friend's place with his friend, and he cooked us some pasta in white sauce, leek, black pepper and salmon. It was delicious! After that we drank...and drank...and drank...
I think I've lost my "limit trigger". I used to know exactly when to stop to avoid the bad hangover the next day. I have missed it twice now. I woke up at Matt's and had to get ready for an American Apparel sale...I really felt like going but my stomach AND my head was saying "NO, NO!". In the end, they closed it down because they had about 1.500 people replying saying they were going and apparently the queue was REALLY big.
Matt was inviting some people over but I decided to leave. My stomach was absolutely revolting and I was a bit scared of throwing up. On the way home I saw my old landlady who was an absolute whore and who I hate with every inch of me. She threw us out (because she could "HEAR ME TYPING!") and she still thinks we owe her stuff. She can't come to therms that for instance, Rodrigo kept the bedroom key and she had to break it because she didn't give him back his deposit. How hard is it to understand that?
Other than that, I've got a job! I work for the council now as an admin assistant. It's fun but I absolutely LOATHE filing...it's the most hideous job in the world and I wanna shoot myself everytime I have to do it...(which is like, everyday).
Besides that, I love the fact that I can sit down and work on word/excel all day while having a nice cup of tea and even biscuits sometimes! The place is making me turn into a proper tea addict!
The position runs for 6 months and I'm not making much money, I can barely survive on it. BUT it's experience, and once it's over I can go somewhere else and apply for opportunities and hopefully get a job and continue working as an admin. I'm also getting my NVQ done soon so that will probably help. Well, I ran out of things to say and I'm hungry...I sorta gave up on my tattoo...maybe I'll make one sometimes but I'm not sure if I want a big fat one to state my mind anymore...anyway...it's time to cook!
"Turn on all the porno please
Been drowning here for days
Bad food, bad sex, bad TV and internet
Take all these stupid pills away"
xxx
A. Love
Yesterday I got a letter. It reads "salvation." No, not really. It's a registration form for this program called "Time to talk".
That instead of giving me pills and medication like my GP (General Practicioner / doctor) did, it will actually allow me to speak to a therapist and get help with what to do with all this luggage.
Other than that, I'm sitting in my shared room (me and Rodrigo are sharing a room again), listening to good old Hole and staring at the window. I like windows.I like the fact that I can see the sun outside and feel alive. I like the solitude and the quietness. Listening to the sound of my own voice.
Yesterday I went to a dinner party...but before we went to a clothes sale.
It was AMAZING...you know the kind of thing you see in the movies? People queueing to get discounted clothes? Yes it was like that...when I saw the place it was like a bunch of vultures fighting over a bunch of dead gazelles.
I left after drinking a paper cup of wine and a beer that was being offered for free...but without any clothes. I refuse to buy something for the price simply because it's good price but that I'd never wear. Oh well. After that I went to my friend's place with his friend, and he cooked us some pasta in white sauce, leek, black pepper and salmon. It was delicious! After that we drank...and drank...and drank...
I think I've lost my "limit trigger". I used to know exactly when to stop to avoid the bad hangover the next day. I have missed it twice now. I woke up at Matt's and had to get ready for an American Apparel sale...I really felt like going but my stomach AND my head was saying "NO, NO!". In the end, they closed it down because they had about 1.500 people replying saying they were going and apparently the queue was REALLY big.
Matt was inviting some people over but I decided to leave. My stomach was absolutely revolting and I was a bit scared of throwing up. On the way home I saw my old landlady who was an absolute whore and who I hate with every inch of me. She threw us out (because she could "HEAR ME TYPING!") and she still thinks we owe her stuff. She can't come to therms that for instance, Rodrigo kept the bedroom key and she had to break it because she didn't give him back his deposit. How hard is it to understand that?
Other than that, I've got a job! I work for the council now as an admin assistant. It's fun but I absolutely LOATHE filing...it's the most hideous job in the world and I wanna shoot myself everytime I have to do it...(which is like, everyday).
Besides that, I love the fact that I can sit down and work on word/excel all day while having a nice cup of tea and even biscuits sometimes! The place is making me turn into a proper tea addict!
The position runs for 6 months and I'm not making much money, I can barely survive on it. BUT it's experience, and once it's over I can go somewhere else and apply for opportunities and hopefully get a job and continue working as an admin. I'm also getting my NVQ done soon so that will probably help. Well, I ran out of things to say and I'm hungry...I sorta gave up on my tattoo...maybe I'll make one sometimes but I'm not sure if I want a big fat one to state my mind anymore...anyway...it's time to cook!
"Turn on all the porno please
Been drowning here for days
Bad food, bad sex, bad TV and internet
Take all these stupid pills away"
xxx
A. Love