208: Shame and Identity...
Sometimes, when I feel truly scolded, I descend into a shame so deep and complete it consumes me for, oh, a while. I'm feeling such shame right now, because I feel I've taken this whole 'hilarious Andy' thing too far. It's all fine and good, I suppose, to wisecrack and make wildly inappropriate comments--but what's inappropriate? I suppose it's not professional to say 'Benjamin Franklin was pimp' in class, huh? Though I did save face a little by going onwards.
I do fear, however, that my only notoriety is quickly becoming these non-sequiters. But...not really. I don't make 'em all the time, these just stand out by their perceived weirdness (they make sense to me). I am obviously intelligent, and that comes out equally I think. Maybe I should just do as the Princess Bitches say and not care what other people think or say about me. Isn't that what I've been advocating all this time?
I dunno. Maybe it's one of those things again where I need to redefine what context I'm in--some people are amused by it, others just find it weird, when I say, for instance, "It's so cold in here; my nipples are getting hard." Which, to be fair, is a legitimate concern I think, because they get very sensitive against the fabric of my shirt, and it become supremely uncomfortable. But do you see what I mean?
It all comes down to who the fuck am I, I think. Am I this wild, hilarious person I've created--or the whiny, depressed person I'm seeking to hide? I'm arrogant, and yet I only seem to see positive traits in people mostly. Like, everyone in "Contemporary Women Writers" rags on the professor, but I don't really notice it. Maybe I'm focussed on the material, and it's good enough for me.
I really don't know what I'm saying today...-_-
I do fear, however, that my only notoriety is quickly becoming these non-sequiters. But...not really. I don't make 'em all the time, these just stand out by their perceived weirdness (they make sense to me). I am obviously intelligent, and that comes out equally I think. Maybe I should just do as the Princess Bitches say and not care what other people think or say about me. Isn't that what I've been advocating all this time?
I dunno. Maybe it's one of those things again where I need to redefine what context I'm in--some people are amused by it, others just find it weird, when I say, for instance, "It's so cold in here; my nipples are getting hard." Which, to be fair, is a legitimate concern I think, because they get very sensitive against the fabric of my shirt, and it become supremely uncomfortable. But do you see what I mean?
It all comes down to who the fuck am I, I think. Am I this wild, hilarious person I've created--or the whiny, depressed person I'm seeking to hide? I'm arrogant, and yet I only seem to see positive traits in people mostly. Like, everyone in "Contemporary Women Writers" rags on the professor, but I don't really notice it. Maybe I'm focussed on the material, and it's good enough for me.
I really don't know what I'm saying today...-_-