I Really Hope These Haven't Been My Best Years
I kind of came to a stunning realization tonight as I was coming back from shooting pool with Justin & Kern.
90% of the people on my msn list only contact me when they need something from me. Be it buying booze, giving a ride, loaning money....this just feels a lot like high school all over again. I mean, there are very few people that will actually invite me to go out drinking/partying with them. And whenever I try to get stuff going, I have to twist arms to try and get anything going.
I just have to wonder sometimes if I really AM so devoid of any redeeming qualities (other than my posessions and my naivity, of course) that people, for the most part just make an effort of casually steering clear of me.
And people wonder why I'm starting to become so bitter and jaded (not to mention racist/sexist). Its because the other 10% are quite racist and sexist....so I figure, why trying to appeal to the 90% who really don't give a genuine shit about me, when there's a perfectly good 10% who actually do enjoy drinking and hanging out with me, sharing our jokes on immigrants of this day and age and such. Its because I have a very angry and potentially brilliant mind. So therefore, I'm going to try and calm it a bit by discontinuing this whole facade of me being the guy that everybody loves (because he'll do anything you'll tell him to) and giving a lot of you guys the proverbial "fuck you!" because I'm done trying to (figuratively) whore myself out just to get some time out with other people who I mistake for friends.
It has often been written that the most brilliant people are the most conflicted within their psyche.
90% of the people on my msn list only contact me when they need something from me. Be it buying booze, giving a ride, loaning money....this just feels a lot like high school all over again. I mean, there are very few people that will actually invite me to go out drinking/partying with them. And whenever I try to get stuff going, I have to twist arms to try and get anything going.
I just have to wonder sometimes if I really AM so devoid of any redeeming qualities (other than my posessions and my naivity, of course) that people, for the most part just make an effort of casually steering clear of me.
And people wonder why I'm starting to become so bitter and jaded (not to mention racist/sexist). Its because the other 10% are quite racist and sexist....so I figure, why trying to appeal to the 90% who really don't give a genuine shit about me, when there's a perfectly good 10% who actually do enjoy drinking and hanging out with me, sharing our jokes on immigrants of this day and age and such. Its because I have a very angry and potentially brilliant mind. So therefore, I'm going to try and calm it a bit by discontinuing this whole facade of me being the guy that everybody loves (because he'll do anything you'll tell him to) and giving a lot of you guys the proverbial "fuck you!" because I'm done trying to (figuratively) whore myself out just to get some time out with other people who I mistake for friends.
It has often been written that the most brilliant people are the most conflicted within their psyche.