sickboyd freakshow (a rant, or a message in a bottle)

[andybody]

is this art or life?
both i'd guess.

i cant love. my heart is too fucked up to bind to anything else. it wont trust it.
what do i do?
what do i do?
i hate myself too much to let anyone love me.
why do i have to be so fucked up i don't want to be like this i am shit don't look at me i will just destroy you like i did me
the pain does it ever stop?
im in the process of blowing off another girl
she doesnt deserve it, she is young and loving and i hate her for caring about me
she doesnt deserve the icy indifference
but i'll still choke her with it
until neither of us can talk anymore;
i cut my tongue out last week and can't quit chewing the bloody nub
i'm addicted to the metal taste of forks and syringes
that it leaves in my mouth
please, beat me, make me bleed
because i love you and will only let you down
and pain is all that can convince me i am still alive
i don't know what to do but embrace it

jesus fucking christ don't anybody let me be in a relationship right now

why does what is so simple for other people have to be so hard for me?

its times like these that hurt the best